Starting about a year ago I started having these dreams, I am not sure you can even consider them dreams. Because I do not feel asleep. I am lying in my bed on the verge of falling asleep and something comes over me. I feel as though I am on something. I suppose it feels like I am having a really bad 'high' that I cannot shake off. At times I feel as though I am falling or spinning, but the whole time I am completely aware that I am laying in my bed. I have the sensations of being on one of those spinning rides at an amusement park, or a roller coaster, but the whole time I am just lying in my bed with my eyes shut. Sometime's I am able to see my bedroom, see myself lying in my bed, and I get this terrible feeling come over me. I become frightened but I am never sure why. I can see myself and I am trying to get myself to wake, to open my eyes so it will all go away. But it is strange because I am looking at myself lying there, however, I feel as though I am in my body. I feel myself lying there with my eyes closed. I struggle to try to open my eyes but I can't. I never knew it was possible to be seeing myself from one percpective, to dream that I was in my very own bed, where nothing was out of the ordinary. But yet I am feeling from a completely different percpective. I struggle for what seems like minutes to open my eyes. I know that I feel frightened, maybe it is merely because I am unable to wake, it's like I am stuck. But when I finally open my eyes, they are unbareably heavy. I am never certain to weather I am still asleep, or if I have actually opened my eyes. I am scared to shut my eyes again but I am struggling to keep them open. It all seems so real, because I can see my tv on. I am trying to widen my eyes and watch the tv. But I can't I keep falling in to sleep, and as I'm falling back into my sleep, I get that 'high' feeling once again...

One time while this dream kept occuring I had invisioned myself laying in my bed, my best friend was sleeping over and was laying to the left of me. I was tossing and turning and had this 'high' feeling. I was so scared I felt as though somebody was in the room with us. Then it was like that scene from paranormal activity (where the girl gets dragged from the bed) I felt as though something was pulling my upper body off of my bed. I was scared that I was going to fall but I didn't. My upper body was floating off the edge of the bed, but it hurt, I felt heavy, and as though I was concentrating so hard to keep from falling. As if somebody was wanting me to come crashing down, and if I stopped concentrating I would fall. Then I felt myself being pulled I clutched on to what I could. It was taking up so much of my energy. I would be fighting to open my eyes during this whole cycle, but each time I opened them I would flip over hoping that it would all be okay, but it wasn't. Each time my eyes would shut again it would keep happening. I wanted so bad to just fall asleep, because I am always convinced that I am not sleeping. Sometimes these only last a couple of minutes, sometimes they last much longer. But they are so surreal, Am I dreaming that I am exactly where I am? Why do I feel so scared?

This sensation does not happen all night. I am telling you I don't feel as though I am sleeping. Because once I am able to fall asleep, I am able to dream normally. These moments are the closest things to nightmears I have had sense I was a child. The only moments I am actuallly frightened to sleep, I feel frightened to sleep, but I am asleep? My dreams where I know that I am sleeping, are always good dreams, even when they are bad. I love to dream. Although I remember very little in the morning from these dreams. This however, I remember every detail, every feeling, it seems so real.