In looking over your last two entries, it strikes me that, at least unconciously, you've grown up with some rather rigid definitions of maleness and femaleness: female as incapable, submissive and victim; male as dominant, aggressive, more power-mad than powerful. I see this latest episode as yet another effort by your "Inner Man" to terrify you into letting him take control.

The problem is - and I'm sure you're conciously aware of this - is that these sex definitions you've internalized are far too narrow and inaccurate. Take it from me, a biological male for coming up on 67 years, this whole idea that maleness is restricted to dominance, control and violence is silly. Guys who try to live like that end up dead or in prison, where they are more rigidly controlled than anybody "on the outside."

It might do these inner males of yours a lot of good to do such traditionally "manly" things as: take out the trash; sit at a desk for years and say "Yessir" to some idiot of a boss; and - as real soldiers do - take ten times as many orders as they give while doing such things as KP, policing (cleaning up) the unit area and going to bed at 10PM whether they want to or not.

Your inner men really are[I] living in a dream world!
Their view of manhood just doesn't correspond to how most real men live their lives.

Frankly, I think these guys are more terrified of the outside world than you will ever be; but the only way they can think to cope is to strike, to lash out, to destroy. The problem with this? There is just one of you, there are some 7.499,999,999 other people in this world. Not the best odds to begin a war on.

Keep something in mind: it was Dream Rose, not Dream Kevin or Dream Andrew, who summoned up the courage to enter that building. That, not dominance and destruction, is what real life is all about.

I know two women who served 20 years each in correctional facilities (as officers), one retiring as a Lieutenant. Neither stood above 5'2" and if either weighed more than 110 it would be news to me. They spent more time in real danger than your inner men are ever going to face. These guys are hurting you, and I think they know it, and I think they don't give a damn.

What strikes me most about what you're saying is that in the waking world, I don't see myself as submissive or a victim to men at all. In fact, it's the complete opposite. The reason why I'm with the man who I'm with now is because I chose him. I had many blind dates before I had a date with him, and all of the men who seemed to have aggressive traits, especially one guy in particular, I discarded and avoided. While my current boyfriend CAN be aggressive with some things, he's never aggressive to me.

However, it could be that my perception of femininity is badly warped because I've never wanted to be female, even since childhood, and ever since childhood, I've made up male character to pretend to be while playing with others. Many times I would avoid "Acting female" and most of my female characters that I've created (not in dreams, I mean in waking life) for stories and the like have had negative personality traits. The men and women I have created always clashed.

What's also important to note is that both of my parents were abusive. My father was a heavy drinker and drug addict and my mother was always insulting me and yelling at me and hitting me. My father had beaten my mother in front of me, but I don't remember this, I was only told that it happened. My mother said that when I saw it I became terrified, and so my father lied to me about what was happening. Again, I don't remember any of this, like most of my childhood, I forget so much of everything.

Some of my male characters are aggressive. BUT a LOT of my FEMALE characters are aggressive (again, in waking life, not dreams). I have more gentle, docile male characters than I have female ones. I assumed that my making females unpleasant just related to my gender identity, and also because most females I've known just didn't like me. They always thought I was too weird.

In the waking world, I think men are beautiful, and I don't consider all men to be aggressive or abusive. I know it's more likely for them to be than women, but I know that women can become aggressive and violent, too.

Perhaps my subconscious thinks differently, but my boyfriend is a man, and he's never acted dominant or controlling or violent, and I think he is a real man, and the greatest man I've ever met. I could never ask for a better man than him, and I know for absolute certain that he would never lay a hand on me to hurt me. I chose him because I knew he was a very good person.

However, I do have aggressive tendencies of my own, and I have an inner dormant rage. Though I don't feel it boiling as much in me now as I used to, it would lash out suddenly out of the blue at a young age, and I would destroy some of my possessions in the process, for no reason.

Though you do not remember them, those beatings remain in your subconcious. Most psychologists think these early-in-life experiences do a lot to shape who we become. So, though conciously you know better and (witness your boyfriend) choose better, there's still an all-but-hidden part of you that says, in essence: 1)Men beat; (2)Women get beaten, so, (3) Be manly. Let the male in you run things. And the early life example your mother set hardly makes a great case for "being feminine."

Again, looking at your early life, it's no surprise you have an "inner dominant rage." You have every reason to. You were grossly mistreated when you had no means to defend yourself. In my childhood I endured no more than spanking; but when I learned what a soldier was I wanted to be one: a fancy uniform and a gun, the capacity to hurt people back.

Perhaps you need to reflect that, though you are your mother's daughter, you are not your mother. "Femininity" has more to do with how you define it than with the definition she modelled. In other words, if you don't like the definition you were given; rewrite it! Does that rewrite include some attitudes or behaviors that seem masculine? Fine!

My concern from the outset has not been that you've adapted some male behaviors and attitudes, or even a male inner friend. It's been that parts of your unconcious seem to be saying "Obey us!" rather than "Learn from us!"

You see, we forget how much we've had to learn to fill our role is Waking Ego. A dream character once told me in inner dialogue that, from her standpoint, it involved three things: soldier, diplomat and president (not dictator). Day in, day out, we all mediate between the outer world and the inner world. The bottom line is that, however badly they may want the job, our "inner people" are incompetent to do it. The smart ones don't want to.

Hope the above isn't too heavyweight. By the way: You're winning!

Don't worry, I've learned over the years that when witnessing my mother be cold and aggressive, and seeing her hurt me and treat others badly, and even though I know my father was a bad parent, I've spent my life telling myself to never turn out like them. I've been successful because my boyfriend always tells me how wonderful and kind I am.

I would never let my aggressive side take control of me. I don't care if it wants to be released. That's not who I am. And I'll never be that way. If it wants to let off steam in the dream world, it can go ahead.

Sounds good to me.

Two final thoughts here. First, my own experience has been that dreams do not need so much to be interpreted as to be experienced. Second, you have two dream tools that most people don't: you write well and you can draw. Both are ways of reliving, and thus getting a handle on, your dreams, but beware: they can be emotionally draining. If and when your finances and life-in-general permit, it might be worth seeing a credentialed professional to discuss things with, just to get some further insights.
That you - Rose - gathered the courage to enter that shack and face its horrors really tells me all I need to know about your courage. You're stronger than you give yourself credit for. I'm fond of saying, "Superman ain't brave. Superman can't get hurt."
I'll be watching for other posts from you; but I'm not going to be surprised to find that the balance of power in your dreams has shifted. There are times when that old remark of the feminist Gloria Steinem is worth remembering: "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle." Your boyfriend sounds like a real prize. Hang on to him.

Haha, and I always say "A woman needs a man like a child needs a father." Feminists. Pfft.

My boyfriend really is the greatest I could ever have. I've told him many times that he's stuck with me, because I could never find anyone greater than him. He says the same of me.