first of all, I would like to introduce myself. My name is Matt. I am 26 and I am from Bournemouth, England. For the last 6 years I have been a Soldier with the British army. I have now left the army and am going back into education.

As far back as I can remember, I have had the exact same dream. It has been at least 10 years since I last had it, but within the last month, I have had it again. It is the sort of dream I can retell as if I were living it every day. It is always the same, and I always wake at the same point. I have the same sense of fear I had as a child and I am unable to sleep for the night after having this dream.

In short, This is my dream.

it's light.
There are kids in the playground.
Somehow, I feel young but immensely old, and full of responsibility.
My friend and I are after something.
It is of the utmost importance.
There is an over whelming fear that what we seek is lost to someone.
A child pulls on my arm and offers me a flower.
what we seek Is gone.
It is gone...
Despair.

I am awake.

Ok, so I will talk you through it in more detail.

It is light

In my dream, it is clearly daytime. Although it is not particularly sunny, it is definitely daytime. The feeling of daytime is overwhelming.

There are kids in the playground.
Somehow, I feel young but immensely old, and full of responsibility.

I feel as though I am a child in that playground, but at the same time the weight of responsibility on my shoulders is massive. I feel in charge of something, and everything rests on me. I still feel like a child and want to play but In my dream, my friend and I are adults. To this day, I’m not sure who that friend is.

My friend and I are after something.
It is of the utmost importance.

There is something we are after, it is so important, not having it is not worth thinking about. At this point, I should mention, there is something we do have, something “Smaller” but we need both. There is a clear distinction between the two things, and the one we have seems insignificant but the thing we are after just seems so overwhelmingly important. It seems as though there is a distinct difference between what we have (which is small. I'm not sure what it is) and what we seek (which is big).

There is an over whelming fear that what we seek is lost to someone.
A child pulls on my arm and offers me a flower.

In my dream, as soon as that child pulls on my arm, all hope is lost. What we are after is gone and there is no way to get it back. Whoever that child is, it is offering me something, a flower, in place of what was lost. It is gone, and that feeling of loss is huge. It feels like a rival gang has hold of some weapon needed to win a war.


what we seek Is gone.
It is gone...
Despair.

As I said, that feeling of loss is huge. The fact that we have that small thing (whatever that is) is no consolidation. Whatever that flower represents that the child offers is no consolidation. Something is lost, something so important and we need it back.

I wake up at this point, and am unable to sleep for the rest of the night. As I said, apart from last month, it was years since I last had this dream, I was a child. But I have had it recently, and it is the same. All the feelings are so familiar, I could be 10 again.

Any insight is much appreciated.

Hi Matt.

Can you remember what was going on in your life when you were having the dreams?

Right now, since you are starting a new career path, you are probably thinking about the changes in your life and the new responsibilities that you will have, and the fears and anxieties associated with it, as well as maybe feeling relief from the fears and responsibilities that were associated with being in the army.

The specific thing that you are seeking has probably changed throughout your life, but that part could also have to do with seeking something higher - like trying to understand the meaning of your life or what you were meant to do with your life.

Flowers are beautiful but they die quickly, so the child giving you the flower could be related to that. (Childhood doesn't last long, either, so this could have to do with growing up.)

This dream reminds me of the archetype of the Hero on a quest, but with you being the hero.