My daughter passed on almost 7 years ago. I have a recurring dream that she is just missing, not dead, there is always hope in the dream, hope that she will come home. It feels so much better than the truth, which upon wakening hits me like a rock. Usually she is there, then missing, its not like I dont see her in these dreams, she just ends up missing.
I think "lost" is a pretty common euphamism for being dead, people often speak of people who've died in terms of "lost", which in reality would simply mean that they are missing. Yet, even though it sounds like an appauling use of understatement, we really don't know what happens to the people we love when they die. We don't know what's going to happen to ourselves, so in a very real way people are missing or lost to us. Suffering the death of your own child is the worst thing that can happen to anyone, we aren't meant to outlive our own children. This isn't just something that makes us feel sad, it's programmed into our genes; it's in our collective concious knowledge that we should not outlive our children - so it's very difficult for us to come to terms with, it takes a long time on a conscious level and often far longer on a subconscious level. Our subconscuious mind is often very simplistic and child-like itsef, it expects things to stay the same, to follow a set pattern that it learns as we grow older and, like a child, becomes very confused and deeply upset beyond the normal limits of our rational, conscious mind when things do not go as they should. Have you tried any therapy, I guess you must have done? The fact that you are having these dreams could be a positive thing, even if it feels very upsetting, because it shows an awareness of the situation and an ongoing attempt at coping with it in your dreams.
I'm sorry about the death of your daughter. My grandfather died in 1998 and I had a dream about him recently. In my dream, he was still alive and he looked the same as he did in his later years. I was a bit surprised to see him alive and he didn't say anything but being able to see him was a comfort to me. It was like he was watching over me.
My grandfather died in 1999, and he also shows up in dreams from time to time. He was a very nice man, so it is good to see him like that as I still miss him a lot sometimes.
It sounds like you need to move on. You need to try to not think about it. I know its hard, it has to be. she's your daughter. But if shes in your dreams. And she's not dead in your dreams maybe also a part of you is convinced she is still around.