I lost my mother in 1985, I was 19 years old. She died at the hospital while in a coma. I was living in another state at the time, and was on my way to see her by bus, however the last phone call I made to my sister who was visiting my mother at the hospital was that my mother was doing better. (She originally was hospitalized for pneumonia and her cancer had spread, she had made a decision to continue again with chemo and I really thought she would get better.) However, between my phone call and arriving at the bus station, my mother had gone into a coma and passed away. I was very angry about not seeing my mother. My sister tried to comfort me by saying that I wouldn't have wanted to see her die like that and that while my mother was in a coma, my sister told her I was on my way and my mother smiled. Since then, I have recurring dreams that I am a young teenager again searching for my mother. I can't find her at home, I can't find her anywhere she used to fgo, friends, clubs. The way I usually find her in my dreams is because someone calls asking for her and tells me where they think she might be, or I see her driving by in a car and I follow her. I will search for days and weeks looking for her. When I do finally find my mother, I never get to talk to her directly in my dreams. For some reason in my dreams she is always trying to hurt me. Once I was in the back seat of the car with her and her boyfriend of 20 yrs. and they were in the front. They pulled up to the gas pumps at the gas station and both got out and locked the doors, I didn't think anything of it other than they didn't want anyone getting me, then tried to blow me up in the car by throwing a lit cigarette at the gas pumps, but I woke up before it actually happened. Another dream was that I found them in a bar, the bartender went to tell my mother I was there because I was underage and could not walk through the bar. I remember being frustrated by that because I was afraid she would take off and I would have to hunt for her again. My mother got up to come after me and had a gun in her hand. I knew it was to shoot me so I ran and I jumped into a car and sped off feeling the entire time I was driving away that she would shoot at me and I could feel the pain of a bullet in the back of my neck, the chills you get right before something happens or you think it will happen. I have never been shot in real life. I woke up sweating and my heart racing. I have had so many dreams of my mother wanting to hurt me and I just don't understand it. She never hurt me as a child and I loved her so much and thought I would die when she did. She raised me and my brothers and sister all by herself because my father was never around, either she wouldn't let him come see us or he was always gone as a truckdriver driving a truck cross country. Now recently I just lost my father and over the last 10 years me and my father became close. I never really asked him about why he wasn't there, I was just happy he was now. He passed away this past January. I was with him while he was very ill. He was in a lot of pain because his kidneys were failing, he couldn't keep any food down, he basically quit eating and drinking because my sister and stepmom would not feed him because they said he couldn't keep it down. He would wake up between pain medication dosages and say how thirsty or hungry he was and I would try to feed him something anyway. He had hospice coming in and giving him his baths and he would wake up long enough between baths for me to tell him how much I loved him. Even then he was joking with the nurse and I would talk to him, until he would fall back asleep. His memory was good and he was still in good humor. He passed on at home after lying there ill for 3 days. However, I was not there at the time of death because I had gone home just long enough to change clothes. But did make it back to see him before the funeral home took his body away. When he died, nothing was expelled from his body, his body was dry, no waste came from his body at all. I knew he had starved and it broke my heart. My dad told me one time when he was ill in the hospital (around Thanksgiving) I was his favorite girl. That made me feel so good, because my stepmom and stepsisters never liked me and were always jealous of me and tried to exclude me from anything that had to do with my dad. I think could have lived longer if my stepmother would have authorized the needed treatment of a blood transfusion and kidney dialysis. But she said she didn't want any more treatment or hospitalization for him. I even talked personally with his kidney doctor and he told me what my stepmother said about no more treatment which really made me mad. To this day, my stepmother doesn't know I talked to the dr. and what the dr. actually told me. My stepmom told everyone while my dad was lying on his deathbed and everyone was coming to see him and even at the funeral home that she said no more treatment because it wouldn't do any good since he had lost his mind and the dr. said even dialysis would not have helped him. I know better! She is much younger than him and I think she just wanted to be rid of him, as if he was a burden. There was not enough time for me to try to do anything about it either because he was going downhill so quickly. I knew my dad had not lost his mind because he would talk about things that happened 40 years ago, he even remembered to ask me about an upcoming trip I was taking, wanted to know when I was leaving for it. I will say the pain medication did make him a little loopy, but I know he still had his mind. So I just laid by his side for days while he lay there deteriating and dying. OK...so the other night I had this dream about him. They had him on the table and had started the embalming and I was there. He started breathing again and woke up. The mortician asked me what to do, to continue on with the embalming or let him live? I ran to tell my stepmother and stepsisters and was so excited that he was alive and that the mortician wanted to know what to do. They all looked at each other like, oh no, he isn't dead? My stepmother said, tell them to continue with the embalming, she didn't even get up to go see him. I just about fainted because that was not the answer I was hoping for but I knew she had the final say so. Then I remembered that I didn't think she wanted him around anymore. So I ran back to my dad and the next thing I know we are walking together. He didn't really ask why he was there or what was going on. He didn't know how my stepmom felt about him, nor did I tell him although I wanted to, but I didn't want to waste any time on talking about things like that because I knew he still didn't have long to live. He looked so handsome, healthy, nice clothes just liked I remembered him about 10 years ago before he started feeling poorly. We were walking down the street together in my neighborhood, where I live now holding hands. I was a little girl again, maybe around 12. It was sunny out and beautiful and warm, although it it winter now. I was the happiest person in the world. We saw a vending maching alongside the road full of large canned goods like ravioli and such. He bought 2 big cans of ravioli and something else for me and him. I knew I didn't have much time with him because he already had some embalming fluid in him and it was going to kill him at any time. But I didn't tell him this and he didn't know. I also knew that as long as he ate sugar the embalming fluid wouldn't kill him. He crawled inside this truck hooked to the vending machine because he was craving some ice cream and there was ice cream cone sundaes inside the truck. He got some and I thought it was ok for him to break into this truck for the ice cream because I knew he needed sugar. So the fear of someone calling the police on us and me getting in trouble went away. Then we started walking away and I remember I kept looking up at his face as we were walking and thinking I love him so much, I am so glad he is here, I missed him terribly, but I knew he wouldn't live long. I remember the sun shining on us and the birds singing. He never did look down at me though and seemed to be so peaceful and he never did talk. As we were walking I woke up. I felt like he had actually been with me. I was laying in bed feeling so happy and did all day and do everytime I think about it. I don't understand why I miss my father so much, why I had this dream about him even though I miss my mother so much, but I have bad dreams about her. I know this is long but does anyone have any interpretations on this? Thanks!

Perhaps the part about your mother chasing you with guns is some guilt you feel about not having seen her in the hospital before she died. Reading about some of the family issues, I also see a broader dynamic here. Perhaps settling some of these issues with your sister may help stop the dreams about your mother that show her in the negative light, which may be a manifestation of your guilt.

The dream about your father coming back to life is wish fulfillment. You miss him. Next time you see him in a dream, try to tell him this and see what he tells you. You can still have good dreams about him, but it may eliminate that urgency of the dreams where he must leave you, such as the one about the embalming fluid.