I've been having very vivid, sexually passionate dreams of my ex husband who has recently passed away.

Prior to his passing in March this year, I had not heard from him or talked to him in 9 years. We have a daughter who is 15 now. I have spent many years hating him for abandoning our daughter. I don't understand why I would dream of him this way. And parts of the dreams are of real things we did when we were married. Places we had our most passionate times. I have even seen the exact time we made love and I became pregnant with our daughter.

I wake up feeling as though it really happened,,,, and sad that he is gone and I will never see him again. But,,,,, these are not things I think of when I am awake. I am mad at him,,,, still.

confused

I think you are just mourning him. When someone dies, your unconscious mind can bring up repressed thoughts about the person, sometimes good memories about someone you didn't like, or bad memories about someone you thought you loved very much and was almost perfect. You probably had to repress a lot of confusing thoughts about your ex in order to just get on with your life and they are resurfacing now that he has died.

It's probably a good thing that all of this is coming out in your dreams and isn't being repressed. It's probably hard for you to admit to yourself, consciously, that you are mourning over someone who wasn't very nice so you have your dreams to help you with that.

I think there is nothing you can do but be patient and let it happen.

Remember this is just your unconscious trying to deal with confusing thoughts. It doesn't mean you should question any decisions you have made in your waking life.

Thank you for your reply

Thank you so much. I've wondered if that's not what going on, but can't help wondering why I feel this way in my dream state and not while I'm awake. It makes me wonder, have I loved him all these years an not dealt with it? I hope the dreams stop soon, It confuses me so much in my wake state. actually look forward to the dream coming back when I lay down, and don't understand that either.

Thank you again.

Lost in my dreams

I think it's just that we get too busy in our day to day activities to really think about things so they come out in our dreams. Then when we wake we can stop thinking about them and just go on with our routine activities.

If we didn't have dreams and we were constantly pondering over all the stuff that we now hold in our unconscious minds, nothing would ever get done.

I think maybe also now that he is dead it is safe for you to think about loving him because nothing can come out of it; you can't act on your feelings. When he was alive you knew that if you acted on any positive feelings toward him you would just get hurt in the end so you had to repress those feelings.

It sounds so logical when someone else comments about. In my mind it's so confusing. There isn't anyone to talk to about this, so I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
You think all this is normal and will go away on it's own?
I read a little on Lucid dreaming, I thought, how neat that would be if I could actually control one of those dreams about him.
I never knew you could wake from a dream and feel like that. Having the sensation of someone's touch on your skin, or the feeling of actual sex with someone. I'm a little on the scared side of it all, but very curious as well.

Thanks so much.