soo, make a long story short an ex and i broke up around 4 years ago and i haven't quite gotten over it yet. we are barely in touch and speak maybe twice a year briefly. in my dream last night i contacted him via email when i was drinking. i woke up in the morning and realize it and try to unsend it but he already had responded. my best friend said i should call him and tell him i was just drunk but i refused and went back to bed. i woke up like an hour or so later and my best friend was like, i told you you should have called him. and i began crying. and i asked her why and she said i just think you should have and i ask her "is he here" and i turned around and he was sitting at the edge of my bed. he got into bed with me asking questions insinuating that we were going to have sex. i brushed him off and turned away and he came up from behind me and spooned me, which i reciprocated. after a while he left but he continuously called me after that asking to come over - and for me to come visit him. is this just wishful thinking or does this mean something??
I think it's mostly wish fullfillment as, like you say, you still haven't gotten over it yet. To be fair though you may have dreams like that for the rest of your life, sometimes with people you haven't met yet and sometimes with this person again. Sometimes our unconscious mind likes to toy over what could have been, if only things were different - it's sort of a way to test and poke you into thinking about how you feel about things now, to help you deal with your feelings. It doesn't necessarily mean anything as such.
Breaking up with someone gives us a feeling of not only losing the person we loved, but the loss of oneself hurts most of all. Especially to the one who was left behind. It's like two deaths, and the pain often takes years to overcome. It doesn't help to be told that we will get over it because we have to go through it to heal. It's like labor pains....you know that there is no turning back and you're stuck feeling that awful pain till the baby is born. And we all can heal. It just takes some of us longer. Often, the person who broke off a relationship goes through the same thing. Sometimes I guess they just hide it better. lol. Anyway, I feel that you didn't tell your ex some things that you wish you had told him. In your dream you say you were drunk when you emailed him. Your friend warned you to un send the message. And she was right. Even in our dreams we may turn to alcohol or some other substance feeling like it will mask our pain. And we know that doesn't help because often, when this is done, it usually makes things even worse. Especially when a negative reply comes along, or even worse when no reply comes at all. Some people add injury to their hurting hearts by drinking but it's us who it hurts the worst. We're left with that empty painful feeling that will linger as long as we allow it to. And some of us allow it to linger too long. Other people can add to our happiness, but THEY are not the ones who make US happy. We must be happy with ourselves in the first place, or any relationships we have will not work the way we expect them to. I feel that deep inside you felt used by this guy and that is hard to get over in itself. Believe in yourself hun. Love who you are, and don't let anyone or anything get in the way of YOUR happiness. It is YOU who decides to be happy or unhappy. Be kind to yourself and don't allow anyone to stand in your way of being happy and feeling complete. My prayers are with you. Scorpio52 soo, make a long story short an ex and i broke up around 4 years ago and i haven't quite gotten over it yet. we are barely in touch and speak maybe twice a year briefly. in my dream last night i contacted him via email when i was drinking. i woke up in the morning and realize it and try to unsend it but he already had responded. my best friend said i should call him and tell him i was just drunk but i refused and went back to bed. i woke up like an hour or so later and my best friend was like, i told you you should have called him. and i began crying. and i asked her why and she said i just think you should have and i ask her "is he here" and i turned around and he was sitting at the edge of my bed. he got into bed with me asking questions insinuating that we were going to have sex. i brushed him off and turned away and he came up from behind me and spooned me, which i reciprocated. after a while he left but he continuously called me after that asking to come over - and for me to come visit him. is this just wishful thinking or does this mean something??
To be honest I think I would have to give the same answer as I gave to sleeeplesss52. I wouldn't say it's a sign of you been not over it though, assuming that any of us ever actually get over these things completely, which I don't think we do. Even if you were technically over it and happily living with someone else for years, you will still have these sorts of dreams now and again - your mind never just wipes out love, some newer loves are more important than older ones that didn't work out, but the feelings from older ones are still there in your subconscious so you're bound to dreams about them no matter what.