Hello, I am new here. I keep having a reoccurring dream about my deceased friend from high school. I'm 40 now and he passed away about 7 years ago. We are from a very small town and we kind of grew up together from Kindergarten through graduation. We even dated off and on over the years while in high school. He overdosed on some kind of drugs and died in his sleep. We were not close at all after high school and didn't talk at all. I did go to his funeral however. I don't think about him very often but beginning about a year ago he started showing up in my dreams. He comes every few months. He's just there in the dream sort of watching over me. We don't talk to each other although we are aware of each other. There is this sort of telepathic communication between us. I always have a very peaceful feeling when he's around. Last night he showed up again. He was standing next to a wall, sort of leaning against it, just watching me. I got up and walked over to him and as I got closer and closer his face became very bright and vivid. I reached out my hands to try and touch his arms and he held his hands up and pushed me away but not actually touching me. I heard a loud sound like a ships horn. I just understood that I was not allowed to actually touch him. He didn't actually say any words. What does this mean? Why does he keep coming to see me? Is he trying to help me some how? I must add that I know a lot of deceased people including friends and relatives and not a single one has ever paid me a visit except for him.

I know it's cliche, but 40 makes me think of Midlife Crisis. Not in a negative way, but in the idea that you are reevaluating your life and the choices you have made and what you want for the future. You also start thinking more about your own death, if not consciously, then unconsciously.

I wonder if there is something about your friend's life or something about him that you see as a parallel to your own life. What was different about him vs your other friends?

I think Marcia has pegged this pretty well as a "midlife" dream and, as she says, "crisis" may not quite be the right word. The forties are often a time for pondering choices not made, possibiliies that did not come to pass; and even when we know our real choices were the right ones, we think about the "What ifs".

Your dreams strike me as what I call "Road Not Taken" dreams; and the message I'm getting from your dreaming mind is that the road you might have taken with him is now closed, there's no going back. (That's made more literally true by his death.) Thus, though you can see him and even communicate, things like speech and touch can no longer be. He, and all he and those years you shared represent, still exist within you; but whatever the hopes, dreams and expectations you (and quite probably he) had in those years must now be viewed in the light of present day reality.

And, let it be said, dreams are part of reality, though they sometimes (most often?) act in ways strange to our waking minds. Your friend lives on in your memory; and all that he signifies is alive within you. Despite the poignant, bittersweet aspects, I'd say these are really good dreams; and in time may have happier endings.

I agree that "crisis" was not the best word.

There are times when it is; but unless you're one of those who can say to yourself, "Ho-hum, another crisis." it can create the wrong mindset. My own approach was to say, "It took me thirty nine years to get into this mess; I'm probably not going to be out of it at 8AM tomorrow."

Somewhere in the Collected Works, Jung makes a remark to the effect of, "We spend the first half of our lives learning to live with the world; the second half learning to live with ourselves." In short, we're dealing with a normal stage of human development which, like all the others, has its unpleasant aspects, What's important is to realize that the dreams we see as part of the problem are really part of the solution.

Me? Got through the Midlife Crisis okay, now awaiting the OId Age Crisis. Ho-hum.