I had a terrible dream last night.
I found myself in a big campus-like area that I understood was a women’s prison. I had my own “room” which was very homely, but still I felt terrible sad. In my room, I had all my belongings- loads of bookshelves, loads of comfort. It was like a nice little flat, but it was very small, dark and stuffy. One of my major problems in the prison was that different people always wanted to store things in my room, making it smaller and more cramped. One woman wanted to store crates of stuff belonging to the prison women organization (like a political group or reading group or something) and another woman wanted to put a lockbox with her valuables in my chest of draws. She went into my room to inspect and said that “there is plenty of room, I can store my things here”. I tried to show her that I already had my own things in there, but she did not care. I felt tired and cried.

The guards of the prison were all very nice, but at the end of the day, everyday, they picked up their backpacks and exited the prison to go to their homes. Every day I followed a male, Latin American guard to the gates and we chatted about all sorts of things. He smiled at me, waved and said; “See you tomorrow, Karin” and then he left. I cried and felt a panicky need to be able to follow him out of the prison, even if my situation was comfortable enough and every one treated me well.

One of my friends was also in the prison. She had gathered plastic dolls in a pile and was taking the dolls clothes off to check if the dolls had visible genitals. Since it was Barbie-type dolls, they obviously did not, but now and then, there was a little hole in the plastic between the dolls legs, probably a defect from the mould that the dolls had been made from, and these occurrences seemed to please her immensely. “Look, “ she said and laughed like crazy. Next to her, there were big bin liners full of dolls that she had disassembled. One bag was full of legs, another one full of torsos, a third with heads etc. Then she started taking different parts and reassembled them in a surreal way with an arm where the head should be, a leg the wrong way into its socket etc. It all had some screwed up sexual meaning and I felt nauseated. I tried to run away from her and she was chasing me around the prison. Finally, I found a big barrel and jumped into it. She saw me jumping into it and followed. When she jumped into the barrel too, I was no longer there in my human form.

I had turned into fluid and she drank me up.

Cramped spaces

Yes, there is a lot of truth in that and it feels like the dream is really exaggerating the message with multiple symbolizm. Its almost too clear to be believable. It is not a hidden message, either - it is something that I am aware of in awake life, as well. Maybe be it is just a way of telling me that the sitution is a bit more urgent than I want to admit.

Karin