I've had a slew of dreams over the course of months relating to a best friend/would-be-lover, but tried to turn a blind eye to them because come on...dreams don't reeeally mean anything in the waking life, imagination and memories in your head (am I stupid?). It started with a name, shortly before waking in the morning. Ani, Ane, Aneta. There was an image of my friend, and then I experienced a feeling of concern. This occurred in a grey, dim, bedroom setting. In the waking life, I learned that my friend had recently begun chatting online with a woman named Aneta (he was searching for a life partner) and wanted to help her out with her life. Seeing myself and Aneta worrying that he'd abandon one of us in preference for the other was painful to both of us and stressful for my friend. He learned that he didn't need a life partner at all and would choose to stay single (and told us maybe 100 times that he loves everyone equally). --- I had dreams in which I was consoling my friend in that same setting, the dim bedroom with only natural light (this may have been the same place as the bedroom in "Consoling My Grief (Long Post)". He was angry or frustrated in one, and I eased his stress then. Depressed in another, in which I held him for a long time and stroked his hair. There may have been 3 or more dreams of this theme. In the waking life, there have been times he's come to me for advice (though one time he called but never said anything was wrong, leaving me clueless and feeling guilty when I found out he'd spent the afternoon crying. But he became very happy afterwards, as he'd had an important chat with a relative.) --- This is a dream I had almost a week ago (approximately). In it, my dear sweet friend/would-be-lover had died. I see his tiny little body curled up on the bed (same setting), like he's asleep. I did not cry, but there is a feeling of loss. I remember touching his body, my hand on his thigh, and it was still a little bit like there was life left. In the waking life, my friend had just returned from a nice week-long vacation with one of his lovely friends. We chatted last night and he was in an odd mood, almost in a manic excitement it seemed, then he just crashed and burned. He told me suddenly "I want to leave this planet" and "I want to go to God". He berated himself and said he was sorry for "using" me because I was the only person he felt he could tell, I told him no, it's okay, you aren't using me, I love you and I want to help you. Kept telling me "Im so sorry precious! :`(" His behavior was unlike any way I've ever seen him before, his thoughts seemed to not fit together (in my opinion), he cried all night (offline) while I stayed awake devotedly all through the night incase he needed to contact me. I had friends send positive energy and good intentions to him, one even drew a picture, sent a photo of a teddy bear and wrote all the wisdom she could. He was still upset this morning, but had calmed down somewhat. Told me how grateful he is for me and my friends sending him such love. It seems like he's abandoned his long-time dream of helping other people (somehow in the mindset that he cannot do it, yet he has) in favor of waiting for God to take him. The dream of his death was short, almost not worth memory, but now it strikes horror in me. I've cried hard like a little child all day (while he is in solitude, meditating), and I can't even fathom how life will go on without his presence...it seems like a hollow existence (I can't even imagine how Aneta would feel if she knew too) without the joy he brought to the people around him. Yet he thinks he's causing us incredible suffering, when it's his bright and strong presence that makes better things seem possible. I understand it in a way, I wanted to die once (to go "home") too, and I still feel it often...and then I threw my dying self to him, we made friends with eachother and I found the will to carry on and try to do better, seeing his strength to do so every day. This is hardly dream interpretation as it is a dire plea for help. All I can ask is "Oh my God, what does it mean to dream this way?" and what on Earth do I do?
First, I think you need to remember that not all dreams are predictive. (In fact, my experience both on this forum and with my own dreams is that very few are.) Nonetheless, the dream you relate - and the others like them - are keeping in your mind that, if things don't change, your friend could indeed choose to "go home." Your dreaming mind is calling you to act. The question is, in what way? Alas, there are no hard and fast answers. The best anyone on these forums can do is give suggestions. These are mine. 1. When you talk to him - or write, or email, or text or whatever - try to drive home the truth that it's his death that will cause you, Ani and his other friends to suffer; far more than any suffering he thinks he's inflicted on you in life. It will hurt people, not help them. In short, his suicide would defeat its own purpose. 2. I'm no psychiatrist, but the conversation you describe suggest that your friend is bipolar (or, as we used to say, manic depressive). Whether I'm right or wrong, it's pretty obvious he needs help. Work with Ani and his other friends to encourage him to get it, even to the point of having someone available to take him to it at any time. If in your opinion he becomes an immediate danger to himself, your state probably has provisions for a law enforcement emergency commitment. If it gets to that point, call the cops. 3. On your own behalf, call a Suicide Prevention Hotline and see what advice they have. 4. I do not know his faith or yours, but that he says he wants to "go to God" suggests to me that he might be open to the argument that we suffer for a purpose, even if we don't always know what that purpose is. Whether it is Job on his dungheap, Jeremiah looking out over a Jerusalem destroyed because it would not listen, there is something beyond the immediate. (In my case, I'd say I've probably learned more about myself from my sufferings and failures than from my happy times and successes. It's hard-won knowledge, and if the memories are bitter, the lessons are priceless.) 5. Also along this line: Pray. Keep praying. 6. Finally, remember: You are responsible for effort. You are not responsible for outcomes. If worst comes to absolute worst, you'll still grieve, you'll still mourn; but at least you'll have the solace of knowing you did what you could. That's a lot better than spending the rest of your life knowing you did nothing. Keep us posted! Use PMs if you prefer. and God be with you. Bob
Thank you BobW, everything is so appreciated. I will keep you posted on what goes on. Bravery, KrystalFoxFire
Can I post a reply? Or is double-posting forbidden here? I'd like to update this. Things are still a little bit sketchy, in my perspective...but my friend generally seems in a much brighter mood (frolicking with the local wildlife). He's very grateful for the support my friends and I have offered.