My grandmother died when I was fifteen (I am twenty-four now), and for most of my life, she and my grandfather lived just across the street from me, at the end of our little cul-de-sac.

Two years ago, I had a dream that still bothers me. I dreamed that I was back in my old house, across the street from my grandparents' place. Instead of being in my twenties, however, I felt like I was back in my teens, close to the time when my nana had passed on. When I dream, I never dream that I am seeing through the two ocular cavities in my face; I am always both in my body and apart from it, and the part that remembers the dreams is the part that is separate from my body, the part that is doing the watching.

Anyway, in my dream, I found myself going around to my backyard to feed my dogs. Apparently, it was my nana's birthday and everyone was getting ready to come up to her house to celebrate. I remember thinking, in my dream, that that wasn't strange at all, despite the fact that we had never done such a thing before in the waking world. We always celebrated the big holidays together, but not birthdays. It almost felt to me that there was something important that I needed to be remembering in the dream, but I couldn't seem to do so, and I shrugged off that feeling.

As I was walking down to where my dogs were, my cousin and her stepdaughter rode up to me on my grandparents' ATV. It didn't strike me as strange then, but when I thought about it after I woke up, I realized that my cousin had not been married and did not have a stepdaughter during the time that Nana was alive, yet there she was in my dream. They stopped and killed the engine, and the stepdaughter asked me what I was doing. I told them that I was feeding the dogs so that I could go and get ready for our nana's party later on. My cousin tilted her head to one side with a strange expression on her face as she looked at me, then said, "Yeah, but you know that you're dreaming, right?" I thought it was an odd thing to say, but I just shrugged it off and went about my chores without thinking anything more of it. She and her stepdaughter rode off.

The next thing I knew in my dream, I was walking across the gravel road to my nana's house. All of my family members were already there, partying, laughing, talking and having a great time. I was standing in the dining room, next to a table laden with food, and my sister walked up to me and engaged me in conversation. I think I asked her where Nana was, since it was her party. My sister paused, tilted her head to one side, gave me that odd look and said, "You know that you're dreaming, right?" I looked over at her and thought it was strange that she would say the exact same thing to me that my cousin had said, but before I could reply, my nana's bedroom door opened and she walked out into the living room. She talked with a few people, smiling and laughing, and then I approached her. I had tears in my eyes because I was so happy to see her; it felt, to me, that I had not seen her in years, although in my dream, I didn't seem to realize that that was the case, that she was dead in the waking world.

I smiled and told her how happy I was to see her. She tilted her head to one side, looked at me in an odd way and said, "I'm happy to see you, too, but... You know that you're dreaming, right?" I had been looking down, wiping away my tears, but when she said that, I looked up at her, about to ask her why everyone kept saying that to me. I stopped short and looked at her in horror instead of love. All the skin had melted away from my grandmother's face, and I found myself staring at a grinning skull instead of the face that I knew. There was a strange sound that seemed to be coming from everywhere at once, and I looked around myself to find that all of my family members had circled around us. Their skins, too, had melted off, so I was surrounded by laughing, chattering skulls and skeletons. They started to move around my nana and myself, and they moved so fast that they became blurs.

I woke up at that moment, really woke up in the waking world, feeling absolutely terrified and sobbing hysterically. It scared the daylights out of my boyfriend, who sat there for an hour, trying to comfort me and calm me down. I couldn't sleep for the rest of the night because I was terrified that if I closed my eyes, I would go back to that dream, and it hadn't been pleasant.

I've thought about that dream a great deal since then, as it still bothers me. I recently heard from a friend that, when dreaming, you are never supposed to accept and/or partake in food or drink that is offered to you by anything or anyone associated with death. In this dream, the tables were laden with refreshments, as they always were whenever we had get-togethers. I remember that I never touched said food and drink in my dream, but my family members were all enjoying it.

Does anyone have any ideas about this one? Thanks in advance.

It sounds like you were lucid throughout the dream (aware or partially aware that you were dreaming) so that when things happened in the dream, which would normally symbolize something else, the part of your brain which was lucid knew that these things couldn't happen in normal life and reminded you that it wasn't true.

So, for example, you dreamed about your sister and her stepdaughter, who could have represented other people or qualities. But the lucid part of your brain - which takes things literally and doesn't think in symbols - remembered that she didn't have a stepdaughter when your Nana was alive, which was a clue that it was all a dream (which is why you're cousin said "You know you're dreaming?"

(That's how lots of lucid dreamers know that they are dreaming - they recognise that something that has happened in their dream wouldn't be possible in real life.)

Your Nana in your dream could have been herself or a quality or a feeling that she reminded you of. Once again, the lucid part of your brain remembered that she was dead, and that her death made you unhappy, so the images changed to one of death.

Regarding what your friend said - a dream is just a dream and nothing you do in a dream can hurt you. This is especially the case if you are lucid dreaming and you know that you are dreaming. Lucid dreamers intentionally do things like jump off tall buildings in their dreams because they know they are dreaming and they can't get hurt.

In regard to some of the symbolism in the dream, have a look in the Dream Themes section at the articles on Eating in Dreams and Dream Gatherings.