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bad joke

Discussion in 'General Discussions About Dreams and Anything Else' started by iamagoblin, Jun 27, 2003.

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bad joke

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    Maljonic

    Maljonic Dream 老师

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    :monkey:
    Maljonic, Oct 25, 2003
    #61
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    Maljonic

    Maljonic Dream 老师

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    "Zen Sausage," Said the Buddhist to the hot dog vendor: "Make me one with everything." 8)
    Maljonic, Oct 27, 2003
    #62
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    Nicko

    Nicko New Member

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    I phoned for a pizza last night and ordered a thin and crusty supreme-

    ........... they sent me Diana Ross :(
    Nicko, Oct 31, 2003
    #63
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    Maljonic

    Maljonic Dream 老师

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    A guy went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam, then I'm a teepee, and then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?"

    The doctor replied, "It's very simple. You're two tents."
    Maljonic, Nov 1, 2003
    #64
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    Nicko

    Nicko New Member

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    Two men walking their dogs in a graveyard at dawn..one said to the other 'Morning'...

    The other man said 'No just walking my dog'...! :wink:
    Nicko, Nov 2, 2003
    #65
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    Maljonic

    Maljonic Dream 老师

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    Why did the baker rob the bank?
    He needed the dough.
    Maljonic, Nov 2, 2003
    #66
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    Nicko

    Nicko New Member

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    O dear Mal, youve just inspired me to make up my own 'bad joke'

    What did Homer Simpson want from the bakers?
    .........Dough... :oops:
    Nicko, Nov 3, 2003
    #67
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    Maljonic

    Maljonic Dream 老师

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    that really stinks! :)

    A guy is going on an ocean cruise, and he tells his doctor that he's worry about getting seasick.
    The doctor suggests, ''Eat two pounds of stewed tomatoes before you leave the dock.''

    The guy replies, ''Would that keep me from getting sick, Doc?''

    The doctor says, ''No, but it'll look real pretty in the water.''
    :lol:
    Maljonic, Nov 3, 2003
    #68
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    Nicko

    Nicko New Member

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    Bloody cheek!
    I thought it wasnt bad........Doe
    Your joke is sick...literally :roll:
    Nicko, Nov 3, 2003
    #69
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    Maljonic

    Maljonic Dream 老师

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    There once was a young couple who lived in a town filled with crime. After three neighbours' houses had been robbed, the couple decided to get a guard dog.
    So one day the wife went to the pet shop and said, 'I need a good guard dog.'

    And the shopkeeprer replied, 'Sorry, we're all sold out. All we have left is this little Scottie dog. But he knows karate!'

    The wife didn't believe him so he said to the dog, 'Karate that chair.'

    The dog went up to the chair and broke it into pieces, then he said to the dog, 'Karate that table.' The dog went up to the table and broke it in half.

    So the wife bought the dog and took it home to her husband who was expecting a big guard dog. But then she told her husband that it knew karate, and he said 'Karate my arse!' 8)
    Maljonic, Nov 4, 2003
    #70
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    Nicko

    Nicko New Member

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    Yeah so, then what happened.............
    ok..... nice one Mal!! :lol:
    Nicko, Nov 5, 2003
    #71
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    Nicko

    Nicko New Member

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    A Rastaman went to a shop and bought a can of beer and a loaf of bread...........he then went down Hyde Park, sat on a seat and wrapped two slices of bread around the can of beer....a city gent walking past, said to the Rasta 'What is that youve got there'?
    The Rastaman said 'What dis? its a beer can sandwich'
    NB: Translation...'a bacon sandwich'...
    for dem dat dont speak de langwidge.......xPeacexxxxx :?
    Nicko, Nov 5, 2003
    #72
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    Maljonic

    Maljonic Dream 老师

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    Whats orange and sounds like a parrot?

    A carrot.
    Maljonic, Nov 8, 2003
    #73
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    Paul

    Paul New Member

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    A lorry driver was driving along. A sign comes up that reads "low bridge ahead." He tries to turn off but, before he knows it, the bridge is right there and he gets stuck under it. Cars are backed up for miles.

    Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the lorry driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck eh?"

    The lorry driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of petrol"
    Paul, Nov 9, 2003
    #74
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    Maljonic

    Maljonic Dream 老师

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    Two men were out fishing, when they found a lamp floating in the water. One of the men picked it up and rubbed it, causing a genie to explode from the lamp. Unfortunately, it was a very low-level genie and could only grant one wish. The men thought for a few minutes and then wished for the entire lake to be made of the best beer in the world.
    With a poof! the wish was granted. All of a sudden, one of the men got really angry.

    "Dammit! Now we have to pee in the boat!"
    Maljonic, Nov 10, 2003
    #75
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    Paul

    Paul New Member

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    David Beckham decides to go horse riding:

    Although he has had no previous experience he skilfully mounts the
    horse and appears in complete command of the situation as the horse gallops
    along at a steady pace. Victoria is admiringly watching her husband.
    After a short time David becomes a little casual and he begins to lose his
    grip in the saddle, he panics and grabs the horse around the neck shouting
    for it to stop. Victoria starts to scream and shout for someone to help her husband as
    David has by this time slipped completely out of the saddle and is only saved
    from hitting the ground by the fact that he still has a grip on the horses
    neck. David decides that his best chance is to leap away from the horse, but
    his foot has become entangled in one of the stirrups. As the horse gallops along
    David's head is banging on the ground and he is slipping into unconsciousness.
    Victoria is now frantic and screams and screams for help! Hearing her screams, the Tesco's Security Guard comes out of the store and unplugs the horse.
    Paul, Nov 12, 2003
    #76
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    Pippa666

    Pippa666 New Member

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    lol vy good :lol:
    Pippa666, Nov 13, 2003
    #77
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    Nicko

    Nicko New Member

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    Ditto Pippa!! :lol:
    Nicko, Nov 14, 2003
    #78
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    Maljonic

    Maljonic Dream 老师

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    At a pharmacy, a blonde asked to use the infant scale to weigh the baby she held in her arms. The clerk explained that the device was out for repairs, but said that she would figure the infant's weight by weighing the woman and baby together on the adult scale, then weighing the mother alone and subtracting the second amount from the first.
    "That won't work," countered the woman. "I'm not the mother, I'm the aunt."
    Maljonic, Nov 14, 2003
    #79
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    Nicko

    Nicko New Member

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    Now, thats the type of thing Robin would say....


    Bless... :cry:
    Nicko, Nov 15, 2003
    #80
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