Dream 1

This dream is about my 2 month old daughter. “Daughter, where do you come from?” I am talking to her like she’s an angel from another realm. I open the window for her and we see blue and palm trees. She tells me it’s not that bad as in where we are living is beautiful. I explain language to her as I speak and tell her, “oh but you are predispositioned to understanding me.” I speak in terms of her neural development. I am talking to her in neural code somehow, but its actual words. We are in a mountain country town on my island and it is snowing on the top of the mountain. I want to show her the world, show her the beach side and the mountain, explaining to her where we live. She is a baby in a beautiful grown women’s body. She asks me to snuggle with her on the couch and I feel a little uncomfortable because I am not very good at snuggling, but I snuggle her and keep her warm anyway. I love her so much.

Then I am without her in dream 2, and I don't think I'm a mother at all either

I am with a bunch of nerdy people. One of the girls goes on a message board website for mothers that I go on too. I see my profile from her eyes on her computer. I tell her I am needing a break, so she downloads a computer program for me that is like a phone app called “break.” It freezes your computer screen for several hours so you take a break. I was like “thank you.”

There is also a lady working in a museum, I think she is Bones from the TV show, who gives me all these skulls to borrow. I take them home, and for some reason, home was at my mom’s house. Everything I own is disorganized and in bags. I am fed up with something. I pack up a bunch of shit to do spells with, all my old wicca stuff and the skulls and artifacts. I grab the calendula and say it will protect me from evil spirits. I leave all the old behind. Whatever junk was left over.

Next thing you know I am standing before Satan who looks like the grim weeper on my PDA net keygen (a computer hacker program). He tells me, “are you really sure? Everyone else has left me to the other side,” referring to the other side as god’s side and angels taking back his pawns. I scoff and agree. I’ve got nothing to lose is my attitude. I sarcastically say, “Right?! Like I’ll get my karma in the next life.” I say to him, “I will not be a minion like the rest of these people. I am worth more. If you want me, I need a higher status here, like your right hand man.” He agrees to give me that.

There is a girl there guarding the gateway to hell, which is a mansion on a long driveway. Next thing you know she’s telling me the story about the nice, fat bald guy who drove me to Satan’s little club, a Satanist himself, how and why he became one. His toddler sister killed herself one day. They were sort of teasing her coming home from preschool in a mall, but they didn’t realize it really hurt her. They were filming her and mocking or belittling her feelings, just to be funny, not really in a mean way. She gets into her Barbie car (the one I had as a little girl) and runs off the edge of a railing to commit suicide. This is the railing and the mall I remember from a dream I had when I was 6 that I killed myself. I don’t remember this dream in the dream, I am totally un-bias and neutral watching. The little girl looks like what could be an older version of my daughter, but I also don’t realize this. I am watching everything, looking back at the scene, like a camera man. I am typing what I see into Microsoft word and inserting glorious pictures of angels, like one with a beard who is blind, and other pictures, everything has clouds that are tinged with pink and blue. The more I listen, the more I want to edit the pictures with Photoshop and turn them into demons, but they are flash images that have right click disabled. They are all angels are those who have suffered and stayed strong and divine.

I am mad at what I have seen. I saw the little girl fall and she became my little baby girl (although I don’t realize this in the dream), landing on her (also not realizing it is hers) bouncer – I don’t see her get hurt, but rather, she falls lifelessly and remains limp. I ask why the medical professionals could not save her? “She didn’t appear to sustain that much damage,” I continue. The girl says in a sweet voice to me, “yes but when they tried to revive her, you must remember how delicate she was, they ended up hurting her more.” She says this to me as we are turning right in my car onto the hwy from my street. I am driving up the street and she says, “see, you are good. You are very good.” And I say, “You’re an angel in disguise aren’t you!” And she admits it. And I tell her as I make the right turn, “Where was god when that girl committed suicide or when my dad swam away? (he committed suicide years ago) Where was god then? Where was god? See, this is why I don’t have any faith. I’m sorry. I don’t believe in god.” I am listening to heavy metal, and the scene fades and I’m with my Satanist friends again.

End of dreams

I woke up (false awakening or hallucination), and the first thing I see is my front door wide open airing the heat out of my house, and I’ve fallen asleep topless nursing my daughter. Anyone walking by, like my neighbors could have seen me. I think where is she? Is she still here? Was I robbed? I could have been raped! I look at her and she is face-down on the bed. So I grab her freaked out she is dead and that this is my karma for becoming one of the devil’s people – and this is where I wake up for real or the dream hallucination stops, I am not sure which... she slaps her little hand against my body with her startle reflex. She was not face down at all. I closed my door earlier in the night when I passed out nursing her on one side, so I really did fall asleep that way earlier -- I had just already closed the door before, so I see that my house is secure. I catch my breath because everything is good. I lay there for a moment panting remembering this dream and wondering why I would choose Satan over God if given the choice, but then I remember my reasons and they make sense. I don’t even believe in god OR satan. I haven’t listened nor desired to listen to metal for years. None of this makes sense, except that over the past couple days, I have started to pray again for the first time in 15 years. But at the same time, I don’t believe my prayers are to a real god (I know praying is pointless, but it has eased my mind anyway) because I believe in god as being Einstein’s theory of zero point energy, and the connection to everything on a quantum level… not some old guy with a beard, nor heaven or hell, nor angels or satan.

Why did I have this strange dream? It’s about 1am as I began to type this all out. I am a bit freaked out still. It's almost 2am now, my daughter is sleeping and I'm going to make some food lol :doh: Oh and I am a psychology major and just had an exam on neuroscience, hence all that neural code and cognitive stuff I mentioned earlier. I'm also VERY sleep deprived hence why I feel asleep with the front door open. I'm not as crazy as I sound!

I agree that sleep deprivation and studying for your exam definitely played a part in your dream.

There is a lot of religious imagery in your dream - Satan, angels, Wicca. What do these mean to you?

statisticly speaking most nervous break down ends up have to do with religion. yetyou seem completely sane. the fact the you mentioned "break" as a computer program is unqiue. here is why the is a program used by schools that will freeze screen so teachers can see what is going on. the part of you child is also interesting and is a good thing it is like the divine child and the fact that you blatiently asked it if it was an angel mean you are spiritualy receptive.

Idk.. I'm not very spiritual at all! But I do worry when I have nightmares like this that I could be losing my mind slowly but surely

another thing that piqued my intrest is the part where you woke up half naked. the reason is you may feel like some secret that you are holding is tring to come to light. here is the problem the fact that you are aware of this celestrial battle for your soul is a problem they don't like it. when you get your bills check and see if they went higher than normal. look to see if people begin to look at you funny. look to see if there are any strange cars parked near your house with a person in ti that hasn't moved in a few hours. but most of all you have to pick a side i hope you pick gods side but i will not force my faith on you. the choice is yours the blue/red pill of the devil, or the white/gold of God. ask me if you need any help with the desison i will help you weigh the choices unbiasedly.

that and i respect all on this site. i just want to know why your mind is trying to tell you what i'm telling you. look at it this way you've met the devil what else do you want as proof.

Even if you don't believe in religious/spiritual stuff in a conscious, rational way, you could still be affected unconsciously by things that have heard you when you were younger.

The “battle for your soul ” in your dreams could have to do with a conflict that you are experiencing–an ethical conflict or some other conflict. Your unconscious is representing it in the simplest way it knows - as the battle between good and evil that you learned about when you were a child.

Is there a reason why you have a huge fear of SIDS? Is your daughter high risk, or do you know someone who had a child that died of SIDS?

Could you be worried, unconsciously, about being a bad parent and be afraid that you will somehow be punished for it? Even if you know that rationally, that doesn't make sense, you could still have unconscious, superstitious fears.

My daughter wasn't breathing properly when she was born because I had a traumatic labor that affected her. She was fine after they aspirated her and they only had to take her for a couple hours. But I still think about that, sometimes. I was so scared when they handed her to me that she would have something wrong, but she didn't... she is perfectly healthy. A couple people I know... their babies died from SIDs and I cried for them never even having met their babies. So Idk why I worry about that so much.

I think the last part may be right. I've had the dream for a LOOONG time about the devil. It's weird, sometimes he's chasing me, other times, I'm shooting pool with him. And then the battle between god and the devil for my soul, I've had that dream for so long and I'm always so baffled by it since I don't believe in either one. I've had many dreams I sold my soul.

Idk weird shit always happens to me. But yeah, I'm struggling more than usual lately. This may be in correlation to me being a single mama though. lol

It's strange, I went on a walk at midnight the other night with my chinese buddhist friend. There is an old outdoor church down the street from me, and my cat always follows me on my walks. I decided to check it out, since I never went. It's an outdoor church built on top of the oldest church in the islands, that crumbled down. There is a wooden cross and it's surrounded by lush, tropical plants. We just all cruised around it and checked it out just for the hell of it. It was kind of a chill place to hang out in the middle of the night lol. I went up to the alter and pretty much said (to my friend) if there was a heaven or hell, I'd be likely to pick hell, sounds like more fun lol But that was just a joke, I don't believe in any of it so it doesn't mean anything to me. We both just laughed and my kitty was jumping all over, trying to catch geckos in the aisles. I did give myself the creeps just from saying that though.