I'm ok with getting chased and killed in dreams because that happens a lot and i'm used to it but when i'm harassed and sent back to a time where this is all real then i am not ok, not one bit ok with it. Though i wasn't the age that this happened and well it never did happen but the actions and the feelings were real and were played off old memories of getting picked on at school and made fun of and all that hell. so the dream started with me and a group of people and i was on Project runway. We had to do this challenge where we ran around this old castle and look for objects and inspiration to help make an outfit. For some reason i was wearing 6 inch heels and i had to run in them, oh and i was pretty hot looking because i didn't look fat, that made me happy. But, um, we had to run around and then slide down a pole to get to the other room, it was like a race and you had to pick up certain items and try to win. I couldn't slide down the pole with my heels so i walked around and tried to walk down a little hill and jump a little wall. Then i was in the mall and had to run to a store where there was a group of people standing around waiting for me because i needed to partner up with someone to find something. I guess i was the last one to get there and everyone was mad at me for that. Nobody wanted to be my partner, everyone said i was fat and would slow them down or i was too stupid to find what we were looking for or they didn't want to be seen with someone so unattractive looking and the list went on and on until i had enough of it and freaked out. I told them that i didn't need them, i could be my own partner, i didn't care what they thought of me, then i got really mean and started putting people down and throwing around all the swear words and just letting them all have it. Then i threw guilt at them and said, "You should be ashamed of yourselves for making me feel that way and i can't be perfect but i'm trying the best i can and i can't as thin as you want but i'm starved to perfection in my eyes and you have to be ok with that and stop making me feel worthless when i did nothing, i was just trying to play the game and everyone is against me because i'm not perfect, i'm still fat, i'm not pretty, i'm a waste of a life. I hate everyone and i hate myself but why can't everyone just shut up and let me just be me. Is that too much to ask for, i just want to be me, i just want to be normal, i just want to be accepted, i don't want to have to stand on my head for people to be nice to me. Why is that so hard? Why do i have to be the punch line of every joke? Why does everyone hate me because of how i look? Does anyone like me, do i really look that bad?" I went on a huge rant, i can't remember everything but that's most of it i guess and then i think it faded into a big room where everyone was and i walked in and everyone stared at me and i got mad and pushed people out of my way and just sat down with a really angry look on my face. Then Tim Gun, the guy from Project Runway, came in and yelled at everyone and it made me feel better. He told everyone that he was disgusted with them that they can't accept me for me and that they think so low of me and how they were so mean and so heartless and didn't want to me to be there and how i had every right to be there and the jerks could be in some serious trouble if that happened again. Then they played a song that i can't remember what is was but i know it went along with everything and then i woke up and i was crying even though it wasn't a really bad ending because everyone got yelled at but it was just really hard to everyone all that hate towards me and all those memories hit me in the face when i wake up. I really wish i would have yelled at the kids in middle school and said all that to them but i guess this was my chance to let all the frustration out of them.