31-May-2008: I had a dream that I had a glowing pink device, called Bright Star, that had something to do with the workings of the universe.
30-May-2008: In waking life my mother has a boyfriend who gets violent and hits her sometimes when he’s been drinking, which means I don’t want to have anything to do with him. In last night’s dream I was being kind of nice to him, giving him a metaphorical lifeline to try and get help, but wondering if I should really bother or not.
29-May-2008: I had a dream that a woman called Susan Bellamy had decided that she fancied me after all, changing her mind after she turned me down about sixteen years ago.
28-May-2008: I had a dream that was sort of like a movie about a guy who slept with the wrong woman by mistake. He went to meet the woman of his dreams for, what he thought was, the second time but she wanted nothing to do with him. She said she wasn’t interested in two-timing cheaters and he didn’t understand, he was sure the person he slept with on a cruise ship was her. He admitted that it had been dark and he couldn’t see her, but explained how the woman he went with, her friend it turned out, was the same height, same build, had the same voice and complained about the same things and even had the same bossy nature. The woman didn’t forgive him but she did wonder if she had a bossy nature.
27-May-2008: I had a dream that I was on a broken Japanese cable car, hanging about twenty feet in the air. The reason it was stuck had something to do with an enemy of Spiderman, who’d been flying around and messing with the electricity cables. At some point there was an announcement, in English, that the cars were about to fall and that everyone should evacuate. I got the doors open and managed to jump out, somehow pushing the car so it landed on its side with the doors facing upwards, so everyone else could get out. Another car further along fell down the other way so the people couldn’t get out and the Japanese announcer said, “No, you were supposed to make it land with the doors up!”
26-May-2008: I had a dream that an airline company called Silverjet had gone out of business at the very moment I was sat in the departure lounge to get on one of their planes. Lots of people were upset about it, especially the employees of SIlverjet – not angry but genuinely upset like they might be if someone had died. We were given tickets to another airline but we never got on because there was a hurricane coming.
25-May-2008: I had a dream that I went to New York City. I’d only been there about half an hour when I found myself on a roof trying to stop a kid from falling off. The roof had a sort of raised edge or wall around it, about three feet high, and the kid was balancing on the wall and looking over the edge. He wanted to get a plank of wood and place it at right angles on top of the wall then stand on the plank and sort of surf like he was on a seesaw. I stopped him and threw the plank of wood away so he couldn’t try it again and he ran off. I started to relax, thinking how nice it was that I’d saved someone’s life, but when I looked around there was another, older kid trying the same trick with a plank off wood – I think it may have been a new craze or something, high-rise surfing. This second kid was high on heroine or crack and I couldn’t get him to even look at me when I tried to talk him off the wall. He balanced on the wood, with his feet either side of the wall and arms out like he was flying for a few seconds but, because he was wasted on drugs, he thought he could walk out to the end of the plank without tipping the balance. Before I could do anything I watched him walk to the end of the plank over the street below and fall. After that I went to see Marcia and told her to call the police, sort of thinking it was kind of cool that I was going to be interviewed by the police when I’d been in New York for less than an hour – something to tell the people about back home.
Later in the dream I met a black woman in a café who was the mother of the kid that fell off the roof. She showed me a check for $38,000 and said she didn’t know what to do with it, that it was his college fund, now that her son had committed suicide – she wanted to give the money to me to be rid of it. I said to her, “First off, don’t ever think that your son killed himself, it was an accident. He didn’t fall off the roof on purpose.” After this I told her to keep the money or, if she really couldn’t stand it, she should donate it to charity. I also told her to be careful who she talks to, if people hear she wants to be rid of $38,000 she will get all kinds of lunatics harassing her and, in fact, I pointed to some suspicious looking guy who’s ears had pricked up in the café when she first mentioned the money.
24-May-2008: I had a dream that the old Russian KGB were training a new regiment of government guards in Iraq.
23-May-2008: I had a dream that I went for a really long walk down a country road though towns and villages. At some point I decided it was time to go home and realised that to get to the next town on the way back would take me two days. It made me think how things used to be before people had cars and trains; where, if they didn’t own a horse, it could take them all day or longer just to get to the next town.
22-May-2008: I had a dream that I fell in love with Nadine Velazquez , or the maid from the TV show My Name is Earl, but she wasn’t interested in me at all and was after another, really shallow model-type, guy.
21-May-2008: I had a dream that I was running around on some grass behind the art college I went o years ago. I was showing some people how to do kung fu and jumping around with this guy I don’t know in waking life called Ben, who was much younger than me and trying to copy what I was doing, especially me jumping on top of a telephone booth.
20-May-2008: I had a dream that my wife, Marcia, and I went for a meal at the printing company, Fulprint, where I used to work as a teenager. I’ve been wondering if I should go there, for old times’ sake, to get some business cards printed and I think the dream was suggesting that maybe I should.
19-May-2008: I had a dream that I was traveling around the English countryside with some old antique dealers and sleeping in barns because we were on the run. In the end we found a barn next to a pub and one of the old guys brought in some Real Ale to drink and closed the barn door behind him. We were all just about to relax and go to sleep when we heard police sirens, which woke me up for real.
18-May-2008: I had a dream that I was walking through a big old house with my friend Ché Sanderson. He led me down some stairs into a basement with no exit then shouted up the stairs for loads of people he knows to come running down. Something about the way he said it made me know that he wanted the people to fight me in the basement where I couldn’t escape, so I could prove that I could fight loads of people at once as I’d said I could in a dream a few nights ago. I didn’t like being cooped up in the basement, being claustrophobic, and barged my way up the stairs, past the people coming down, into and airy room with lots of windows and waited to fight Ché and his cronies upstairs. After that we had an epic kung fu movie type battle with me throwing most of the people out through the windows, breaking the glass, until the remaining few gave up and admitted that I wasn’t just bragging in my earlier dream, or the other day from their point of view.
17-May-2008: I had a dream that I was lifting dumbbells while sat at a table with my friend Ché Sanderson. We were taking it in turns lifting average weights very slowly, and we were impressed by how pumped up my forearms were.
16-May-2008: I had a dream that I found some marchland with lots of little lakes around it, which put me in mind of snipe hunting in nineteenth century Russia.
15-May-2008: I had a dream that the British government were considering expanding the special forces, the SAS, and amalgamating them with MI5 and CI5. There was a news reporter interviewing some old military guy who proclaimed it would be the demise of all three.
14-May-2008: I had a dream that I was inside an old British TV show called The Professionals, complete with the theme tune all the way through the dream as I stormed the house of Irish terrorists with a little automatic machine pistol.
13-May-2008: I had a dream I was with a friend called Lewis Evans in some unknown countryside somewhere. Lewis was bored and said he wanted to go home so I gave him the bike we’d been sharing and said I would buy a new one whenever I found the next town.
12-May-2008: I had a dream that I was a soldier at a command post and a Chinese woman kept throwing grenades at our bunker and shouting, in English, “Hey stupids, here another grenade for you!” My friend Ché Sanderson ran out from the bunker and captured the woman, then told her she probably would have easily killed us all if not for the pointless announcements.
11-May-2008: I had a dream that I was sitting at a table with Marcia, offering her some kind of sugared cakes, and thinking how lovely she looks.
10-May-2008: I had a dream that I was with Marcia and two other couples, Carl Sanderson and his girlfriend Rachel and Mark and his estranged wife Chiemi, waiting for a cruise ship to arrive in Southampton, England. I’d been anxious about our upcoming six day voyage across the Atlantic, but now the ship was late I was annoyed about not being able to get on it. A receptionist was being very cagey about where the ship was, but I eventually got it out of her and found that we had to wait two days for it to arrive. The woman said “don’t worry, our cruise line takes care of people who spend thousands, we can put you up in a hotel” and Marcia shouted out “I’ve got a credit card, we could use that”, to which I replied “she meant the thousands we already spent on the cruise, silly”. At this point a child of about four years old came into the waiting area and started begging for money, then a dishevelled looking woman, his mother, followed and it turned out to be Lisa Puckering – a girl I used to fancy when I was eight years old.
9-May-2008: I had a dream that a friend called Peter Rankin was sitting with me on the front lawn of the house where I grew up and asking me about all the websites I’d made. He was particularly interested in a 3D model, involving silver ball bearings falling through holes, of an idea for a website that I had.
8-May-2008: I had a dream that a very beautiful girl called Carmella, a character from an Australian TV soap opera called Neighbours, was shovelling the remains of dead sheep and manure into a large garbage bin.
7-May-2008: I had a dream that I went to a peculiar village in Yorkshire, England, called Sheep’s Head Bay (which is actually in Brooklyn, New York in reality), to solve a murder mystery. The local pub had its doors locked and you had to knock to be let in. They let me in and I found the place full of very odd people all gathered around a makeshift banquet to hear the reading of a will. The people were all in various states of undress and looked as though they were clinging onto their sanity for my benefit, or at least until the will was read. I can’t remember what the will said, but I think I was one of the benefactors, which was rather odd because I’d only just heard of the place twenty minutes earlier when someone told me, in a flooded car park, that someone had been murdered in the alternate reality version of Sheep’s Head Bay. At some point I recruited two old men to help me find clues and got them to drive me to York in their old Morris Minor, which turned out to be a very hair raising journey at break neck speed – not at all what I’d expected from an old driver or the old car.
6-May-2008: I had a dream that Jeremy Clarkson, a minor UK TV personality known for a Men’s car show called Top Gear, was trying to put a tent up with some inept helpers in a windy desert on hard clay. He looked at the camera and said, “I’m working with droids!” meaning they were useless.
5-May-2008: I had a dream that I stole a flying steam engine from a secret workshop at the back of a museum in Germany during World War Two, then tried to fly it to Switzerland and freedom.
4-May-2008: I had a dream that I was explaining to some students, I was a martial arts instructor, about fighting different numbers of people when you’re a kung fu master, saying “fighting seven people is nigh on impossible, unless they’re all idiots; fighting six people is very hard to do; fighting four or five people is difficult, but doable; fighting three people is easy, unless they’re kung fu masters too…”
3-May-2008: I had a dream that my friend Neil kay was gibbering like a drunken lunatic, his usual self sometimes, and that I interrupted him to say that I was sorry he had cancer, knowing that he hadn’t told anyone and wanting him to know that I knew about it – I could see the thought very large in his brain.
2-May-2008: I had a dream that I was with a gay man, who I didn’t know, and my friend Mark taking the train to Newcastle in Northern England. It was quite important that we got to Newcastle but I can’t remember why, and when we got off at the wrong stop by accident our journey was reset so that we found ourselves back at the start again.
1-May-2008: I used to live in a house on a road called Hartoft Street, a very quiet place that you have to travel down a couple of streets away from a main road to get to. Every time I dream of the place there’s always something different down there, though a pub that only appears in my dreams is always there, but not in waking life. In this dream we went to the pub, some friends and I, and came out into the street when it closed and was surprised to find loads of people milling about at like 1am. We didn’t think too much of it, because we were drunk and it was a dream, and followed the throng through a mysterious dairy farm, in the middle of the city, and found ourselves in a surreal carnival or fun fayre. I spent the dream wandering around in a drunken haze of carousels, gold paint and red walls, with the occasional mooing cow.