30-June-2009: I had a dream that I was sitting round a table, eating Maja’s stolen soup from last night’s dream. The table was in the same department store and about a dozen customers were sitting at the table with us when an alarm went off in my pocket and a loud female voice said: ‘Warning, incoming nuclear ordinance detected.’ – I never heard this before in a dream but knew it was a message sent from the Mothership in orbit. I also knew it meant nuclear missiles were approaching from somewhere out in space, not from some other country on Earth. Also the stricken look on my face made the people at the table instantly panic. I told them to try and see if the store had a basement and to go down there quickly, they had 10 minutes before impact. I then phoned my wife Marcia and discovered she was near the train station so I asked her to go and wait for me there in the subway under the platforms. I knew that the UK’s own missile warnings would sound when there was only about 4 minutes to go and that the subway would soon fill with people. I told Marcia as much but told her to stay calm, that I would meet her there.
29-June-2009: I had a dream I was with a friend called Maja in a large department store. She went to a food area where a chef was going to do a cooking demo and snuck in her own soup recipe so the chef would make it and she could steal the finished product later.
28-June-2009: I had a dream that a Chinese girl wanted to be photographed by a roadside speed camera. She asked me to drive by really quickly in my car to activate the camera so it would take a picture of her standing in front of it.
27-June-2009: I had a dream that a girl at a swimming pool was annoyed at me for making fun of her alien eyes, but she was mistaken. I followed her around and tried to convince her that I never laughed at her.
26-June-2009: I had a dream that my thumbs were extremely hairy. One of my thumbs had a really long hair, like 6 inches in length!
25-June-2009: I had a dream that the BBC were doing a documentary about a friend called Benji and I was really disappointed that no one interviewed me or asked me anything about him.
24-June-2009: I had a dream that I was in a large multi-story house in York, England. I was accompanied by a group of scientists who were helping me clear the house of zombies, one floor at a time. After the house was cleared we all went for a drink in a wine bar.
23-June-2009: I had a dream set in the future where Marcia, my wife, had left me and she was with a new boyfriend. I was very jealous.
22-June-2009: I had a dream that I was kanoodling with Catalina from the TV show My Name is Earl and an unknown blonde woman.
21-June-2009: I had a dream that I went to a forest with a friend called David Smiley and a guy I went to school with called Chris Sharp. When we were in the forest we made a full-size plane from sticks and leafs then transported it to a large clearing where we took turns flying it.
20-June-2009: I had a dream that I was a sort of superhero detective and that I defused a nuclear car bomb in the city of York where I live.
19-June-2009: I had a dream that a pretty blonde girl really liked me, loved me in fact and followed me everywhere. Her mother, however, kept trying to convince her to leave me alone and forget about me because I was in love with my wife, Marcia, and would never leave her.
18-June-2009: I dreamt I went back in time to my old childhood school and showed the kids my mobile phone and how it had video games 100s of times more powerful than the ones on their home computers.
17-June-2009: I had a dream about a failing pressure suit I was wearing while on top of the Empire State Building.
16-June-2009: I had a dream that a friend called Lewis was putting his finger up my bottom. I told him I didn’t like it because by bottom was sore, then realized it made me sound gay and became embarrassed.
15-June-2009: I had a dream that my mother’s violent boyfriend was trying to speak to me at my childhood home, but I told him to get lost. My mother came in the room just then so he was forced to affect a picture of calm and niceness.
14-June-2009: I had a dream that I was with Jeremy Clarkson, the presenter from a British TV show called Top Gear, hunting down David Beckham (British footballer) so we could shoot him with a water-ray gun to remove an alien from his belly.
13-June-2009: I had a dream I was making fun of Darth Vader at a tea party. My friends and I knew he could read our minds so we kept thinking about really stupid things to get on his nerves. Vader was pushed to the limit and stormed off in a sulk when my friend tried to steal some of my potato salad with his fork and I thought “You fool, your pitiful rebel forks cannot help you now!”
12-June-2009: I had a dream that I was Superman and the government wanted to take a blood sample from me. I knew it wouldn’t work, that my super skin would break the needle, so I flew away to avoid the test. However a girl called Sam, who worked for a secret agency, knew I was Superman and had a special solution that would disable my powers temporarily so she could take some blood. I sort of trusted her but was afraid to have my powers taken away in case they never came back.
11-June-2009: I had a dream that I went to the largest boat graveyard in the world, which was called Tweed in this dream, and bought a huge RIB (rigid inflatable boat).
10-June-2009: I had a dream that I fell in the River Thames in London. I was rescued by an old woman who came by in a speed boat. She had her husband below deck, an old disabled man, and she wanted me to clean up his poo in exchange for my rescue. I didn’t do it.
9-June-2009: I had a dream I was on a train with an old woman called Dot Cotton, a character from a British TV Soap called EastEnders. Our train was running alongside another train and Dot was throwing cigarette packets through the window at the driver of the other train.
8-June-2009: I had a dream that I was with my wife, Marcia, in Leeds after a late night concert. We were getting on a bus and somehow the door closed leaving Marcia behind. I told Marcia to get on the next bus but when I got back home, about thirty miles away, there was no other bus behind us so I forced the driver to go back and look for Marcia.
7-June-2009: I sometimes have dreams about an EMP (electro-magnetic pulse) shield that I invented years ago in my dreams. The shield deflects all kinetic energy weapons (bullets and missiles). I usually wake up feeling disappointed that it doesn’t really work. In last night’s dream I was talking to Albert Einstein about my EMP devices, explaining that some are built to surround your body with a personal belt attachment and others can be made to protect entire cities.
6-June-2009: I had a dream that I was on the set of a British TV motoring show called Top Gear. It was rather a dull episode that involved comparing the merits of different car tyres, but there was a bit of fun when Jeremy Clarkson unveiled a huge rubber melting machine that made his own car tyres (in his words, ‘to take on the big boys’), with disastrous consequences.
5-June-2009: I had a dream that I was sitting on a bench outside a power plant with a view of New York City in the distance. After a while a man came out from the plant and said I couldn’t sit there, but a security guard intervened and told the man to leave me alone.
4-June-2009: I had a dream I was talking to Marcia about renting a small boat to take up the Hudson River, through New York to Niagara.
3-June-2009: I had a dream that I bought the 5th season of Battlestar Galactica and watched it with my friends. The main plot seemed to revolve around a huge invasion of rats on Galactica, and I joked with my friends that ‘the Cylons are merely an enforced-labour Conservative Government.’
2-June-2009: I had a dream that I was in a book store with my friend Neil Kay. He asked to look at a book and the woman in the store was really condescending towards him, like he wouldn’t understand the book. Neil simply walked away from the woman, thinking her a fool, but I told her she was an idiot for being so rude. The woman hadn’t realized she’d sounded rude and spent the rest of the dream following me everywhere, being nice and trying to make up for her bad form.
1-June-2009: I had a dream I was watching a 3D hologram Anime show with Jean Luc Picard (from Star Trek) on a space station near Saturn.