31-July-2003: I was at Heslington Lane (my childhood house) with lots of people I know that have never been there. A girl I know called Ruth was there, we nearly had something special once but the timing was wrong and it never happened; I sometimes wonder how things would be different/better if it had. Someone had seen a little black rat and Jackie (a woman from work) was trying to organise a vote to see who was going to go behind the gas stove to catch it. I said why don’t we all vote until it comes out that Ben (my brother) has to do it; he told us all to get lost, he wasn’t doing it. Ruth said she didn’t want to do it either; I made a point there it was no use asking people who were afraid of rats. Ruth said she wasn’t afraid of rats, she just had the wrong footwear for the task. When I looked she was wearing sandals on naked feet; I said she should put some more suitable foot covers on, I heard someone whisper ‘I think he means shoes.’ Ruth started looking through my drawers and cupboards and found one white sock; which she put over her left foot, with the sandal still on, and she put a pillow case over her right foot and tied it up around her ankle. Don’t know what happened to the rat.
30-July-2003: I was riding a moped up and down the street; there was something wrong with it so that it wouldn’t go its full speed; it only worked properly if I put a box over the petrol tank and pulled on a wire. I parked it at a garage and went for a look inside; when I came out the moped had gone missing. I looked all over for it but it was nowhere to be seen; my mum was telling me to leave it and my stepfather (who I rarely see in real life) was annoying me so much I wanted to fight him.
29-July-2003: I was swimming in the river Thames in London with a friendly bear; we found an unusual tunnel in the riverbank and swam through it underwater. We came out into a lagoon with lots of Chinese people milling about in boats; they were running a drugs racket or something. A boss man came out onto a pier and said he’d been expecting me; the bear had gone off somewhere. We walked through some rooms and ended up in an office in a bank, there was a woman outside in the street throwing poisoned darts at people that were trying to get into the bank. I threw non-poisoned darts at the woman through the window, breaking the glass, to make her stop.
28-July-2003: I’d been to war and was marching along in a homecoming parade; everyone was cheering for the welcome return of the Wallacks.
27-July-2003: Jennifer Aniston (from TV show ‘Friends’) was outside a shopping mall in America, saying that she was in love with me. She was leading me by the hand through the mall, trying to find somewhere private for us to be together; but my friends kept following us, stopping us from being alone. We tried hiding in a cubicle in a women’s toilet but our friends came in there too. I was going to complain when a huge commotion rose outside, people were running into the mall screaming and shouting. There was a sniper somewhere shooting people as they came out of the mall. I engaged my personal EMP shield (see dream archive) and walked towards the shooting, when I found the sniper it was a fat old lady who was crying; not knowing what she was doing.
26-July-2003: Discovered a shipwreck off the west coast of Canada near the US border, low seas had left it poking through the surface. The ship had various scientific decks with artefacts from an unknown ancient people; the ship itself was made from materials beyond our intelligence yet was itself older and the ancient Egyptians. I was part of a small group of American archaeologists; two of us were arguing in favour of a proper search of the ship but our team leader was shouting at us frantically to hold off till the Canadians gave us the ‘go ahead’. She was saying that the Canadians would love any excuse we could give them to start a fight with the US government; how they could destroy is in the blink of an eye. We already had an android working with Canadian scientists in the wreck; the two of us decided the team leader was crazy and went anyway.
We drove up to the wreck in a semi-submersible truck with a radar mounted on the front; increasingly frequent beeps announced something large moving towards us. A large vicious shark burst through the windscreen and we all evacuated and swam for the ladders of the wrecked ship. There was something wrong with the shark, it was behaving like a maniac and chomping at the metal ladders to try and catch people who were escaping. I gave some people a hand onto the ship and no one was hurt; the shark was banging ferociously into the hull of the ship and denting it. I said aloud to everyone, ‘Can’t we send for some dolphins to come and do him?’ Everyone looked a little shocked at my suggestion but the dolphins were already way ahead of us; two Orcas came torpedoing through the water and harassed the shark out to sea.
The scientists had made the wreck watertight so that everyone could walk around normally; tables with artefacts were everywhere. I saw our android plopping some kind of jewellery into The archaeologists were sweeping each deck for clues one at a time; from the bottom up. They we going to declare one of the decks fully searched but I said I wanted to do another sweep on my own; they all said I was being stupid but an hour later I was a hero for finding the biggest horde of unknown golden artefacts in history. a purple solution; when it splashed out I cringed back thinking I might get burned. The android told me not to worry and that the kind of experiments he does are not of the dangerous type.
25-July-2003: Fell in love with a beautiful girl who had an unusual predicament; she could only appear as I saw her for two days every month. The rest of the time she didn’t have a head and she had to stay in a kind of Hell, as a demon with other demons around here. She wasn’t evil like normal demons, just sort of a strange minor deity. I travelled to Hell, which turned out to be a rather stylish mansion house, to ask her father if I could marry her. He said it was okay, but she would become human with none of her deity powers; though she would have a whole body all the time. We lived happily…
24-July-2003: I was in a class learning to speak German; I told the teacher that there really is no need, I’d just invented something that enabled everyone to understand each other no matter what language they are speaking. It looked like a stick of charcoal in a green metal tube; when I applied a black spot from the stick to my neck, I could understand everything the teacher was saying whether he was speaking English or German. He spoke a sentence of German that wouldn’t normally be in a language class and asked me what he just said, to prove my translator stick worked. I told him that he said, ‘This class of monkeys is the biggest pile of dumb oafs I’ve ever had the misfortune to teach!’ He was surprised, the rest of the class was angry for the insult and they all dabbed themselves with the translator stick and walked out.
23-July-2003: Masayo, my ex-wife, was with me in London; hugging me from behind and crying, insisting that she really loves me. I wasn’t sure whether to believe her feelings were permanent. Later I was at a pool party, I was wading through the water and accidentally bumped into someone; I said sorry then he said that’s all right and punched me on the shoulder. I said there was no need for that and grabbed him, took off into the air and carried him miles away over valleys and deserts. I dropped him off into a lake, thinking he’d have to spend days walking home, but he took off into the air and flew around just like me. I thought it was so funny and started clapping; we were friends after that.
22-July-2003: I was an American marine fighting the Germans in WWII, some of my old friends were there that I haven’t seen in ages. My rifle had no bullets in it but it was very heavy; I told someone it would probably kill a man if you just hit him over the head with it. I had a shiny silver pistol, a Desert Eagle I think, that I couldn’t miss with; it all turned out to be a game in the end and everyone who died was okay.
21-July-2003: I was a kid amongst a society of people living in a sewer network under a large city. Different clans and sects communicated with each other by banging a sort of Morse code on different pipelines, different codes for different clans; warning when police were approaching from above.
20-July-2003: A complete analysis of the life of actor, Will Smith.
19-July-2003: I was on kind of a school trip for adults; although I wasn’t leading the trip, I was the only one that knew where we were going. We were being led by an old Frenchman who asked everyone to introduce themselves in a foreign language; seeing as he was French, I talked to him for ages in French- telling him how I thought the black girl next to me was gorgeous but I was too shy to ask her out on a date. When I finished, someone said I sounded strange talking like that but the French professor said, ‘How strange? Not at all, his dialect is very impressive.’
I told the beautiful black girl what I’d said to him and we were arm-in-arm for the rest of the dream. The weather had been perfect but as we neared an old farm the whole sky turned very dark with a huge funnel shaped black mass of cloud nearly overhead. I knew it was going to produce some spectacular lightning but, for once, because of my new love I was not scared at all and welcomed the storm. The Frenchman was worried that someone might be hurt though, so I ushered everyone to a roofed alleyway. There was a wall with little windows in the alleyway, some of us thought the thunder was so powerful that they might shatter. The storm ended but the funnel shaped cloud was still there, only now it was solid like coal; floating in the air with the narrow point bit at the bottom hovering outside the window. I scratch a circle in a window pane really quickly then punched out a disc of glass; I broke of some of the solid cloud to look at, it was black with glittering blue and silver bits- very much like coal only no black residue rubbed off onto my hands.
The French professor kept absently putting his hand on my new girlfriend’s knee; she kept brushing it off and we were laughing about it, I was going to ask her to come away from him and sit next to me when two girls in our group started fighting because one of them was forcing the other to put milk in here coffee.
18-July-2003: Lots of violent storms…
17-July-2003: Watching a film start at a friends house; a helicopter exploded over icy mountains, a pod emerged from the wreck and floated down to the snowy ground with the aid of a parachute. When the pod hit the ground it split apart, and a tank came trundling out and began opening fire on a military base. Out of the first explosion came the title, ‘Mission Impossible 4’. I ran out of the house to go and get some beer to drink with the film, I got into a yellow sports car that drove me to a new type of supermarket for express shopping. I got out at the supermarket and the car went off to find a parking space. I went to a machine and put a credit card in and asked for two litres of cider; a few seconds later a plastic bottle of cider slid out from a tube like a slow torpedo. I whistled for the car and, when it drove up to me, got back in and headed for my friend’s house. I never made it to my friend’s house because the car and I got caught up in a street race; with ramps and crashed, the race lasted for the rest of the dream.
16-July-2003: Something about my (female) ex-flatmate from Brighton turning into a Japanese woman.
15-July-2003: I was living in a house with my brother; this guy called Bob was staying there because he had nowhere to live. He kept annoying me by waiting till I’d gone to sleep and stealing my TV and DVD player. I’d wake up and he’d be in my brother’s room watching all my DVD films, with all the cases strewn across the floor. I was so annoyed I didn’t want to look at him, or my brother; so I went down stairs. When I got there my mum was talking to a sexy woman, so I went and sat next to the woman. When I sat down, what looked like a pet rat came into the room, but it was too big for a rat so I thought it was a guinea pig; of course it was actually a small dog. The dog jumped up onto the sofa with the sexy woman and me and said, ‘Do you know, I’m not overly fond of walks by the river? I’d much prefer a stretch across the moors.’ I remarked how odd it was that the dog spoke like that; usually dogs just say simple things like, ‘Wake please!’ or ‘Food, food!’ I was laughing when I woke up and realised that dogs don’t speak at all.
14-July-2003: I was in Cambodia, taking a history test with my old university tutor Doctor Herring; he was telling everyone to translate anything about war into any language other than English. I was trying to figure out how to write Tennyson’s Charge of the Light Brigade in French; I wrote something like, La moitié d’une ligue, moitié d’une ligue, moitié d’une ligue en avant, tous dans la vallée de la mort est montée le six cents. “vers l’avant, la brigade légère ! “charge pour les pistolets!” il a dit : Dans la vallée de la mort est monté le six cen, Then ran out of time. The hut the exam was being taken in came under attack by armed bandits; the doctor told me to go and sort them out, so I did. When I got back everyone was celebrating and drinking some local alcoholic drink; I joined in and Doctor Herring made me show off my talent with languages. Knowing that in my dreams I can speak them all. Someone handed me a travel brochure and asked if I could read it out in Khmer (Cambodian official language); first I asked which part of Cambodia they wanted me to do the accent for, then read it out aloud with everyone cheering and clapping.
13-July-2003: My flatmate and his girlfriend (even though he denies such a thing exists) brought a friend to see me; she was English and fair skinned with dark brown hair. She instantly started behaving like she was my girlfriend and started rearranging things in my bedroom; lighting candles and turning the lights down. The best part was, I didn’t really mind.
12-July-2003: There was a beautiful big house near the river; golden sunlight burst through all the windows onto delicate comfortable furniture. All my friends were there and my brother, who was eating jelly babies. He offered me some but I said no thanks but he gave me one anyway and I ate it without thinking. Naomi Campbell was my girlfriend; she was a lovely person and it was so nice to be with her. We went outside into the street and she popped a button on her clogs, little wheels sprang out underneath and she skated along the road. I did the same with my trainers; but instead of wheels, my shoes had millions on tiny holes that shot out little jets of air so I hovered millimetres above the ground and skated off after Naomi.
>11-July-2003: I was in a torn landscape of the future; though I myself came from a place even farther into the future. I was part of a gang of outlaws that were being hunted by the police; everyone had special powers apart from me and I was trying to hide that fact. Though one of the gang members knew I was somehow a normal human, something that hadn’t existed for hundreds of years; though would again sometime in the future. Two of the gang were grubbing about on the floor because they’d found a surprise patch of grass with some herbs growing on it. One of them said if they were careful they might be able to get some water out of them; and began handling the herbs in a complicated fashion. I said they could have some of my water anytime they want and removed a beaker, full of water, with a lid on from my coat. I took off the lid and gulped down half the beaker then poured the rest over my head to cool myself down. The couple gasped and said I was crazy; they might never see that much water in weeks. I assured them it was okay and showed them how the beaker worked; when I put my palm under the beaker it automatically filled up with water again, I said, ‘It’s a water beaker.’ As if it were the most commonplace thing in the world; like a spoon or a fork. They just assumed it was one of my powers; a talent they’d never seen before. The rest of the dream was all police chases and superhuman fighting; they all had the power to turn into folklore monsters at will. At one point an enemy jumped at me shouting, ‘Vampire!’ and changed into a vampire; one of my friends did the same and jumped in front of me, two vampires grappling with each other to the death.
10-July-2003: I was part of a studio audience watching a guy called Toadfish, a character in an Australian TV show, interview a woman for dating purposes. There was a screen with women’s names on; it was a list of Toadfish’s favourite girls that he’d met, the woman he was talking to was near the top of the list. Somehow the list was connected to his thought patterns so that the woman’s name went up and down the list depending on how Toadfish was feeling in response to what the woman was saying and doing. For instance, when she said she wasn’t into commitment straight away her name moved down the list a couple of places; but when she turned slightly in her seat causing her short skirt to go higher up her thighs, she went to the top of the list. Only the audience could see the screen; neither Toadfish nor the woman were aware of it, it doesn’t sound as interesting written down like this but in the dream it was hilarious. Every move, up or down, in the list caused feelings of euphoric laughter in me and the rest of the audience.
9-July-2003: My granddad was alive again and he was with a guy called Bob who I haven’t seen in years. Bob was saying that they were both really bored and that they wanted to go somewhere different. I suggested we all go to Lapland. Bob said he wanted to go somewhere right now and not have to wait for a holiday to be booked. I told him that I meant right now, that I could fly and so could they as long as they held my hand. We thought we might freeze to death if we flew straight to Lapland, and it was too hot where we were to put on skiing jackets etc; so I suggested we do the trip in stages then don loads of clothing when we get to the far north of Scotland before we make the final leap across the cold sea to Lapland. It turned out that the weather over Scotland was beautiful and the landscape was much the same as the weather, so we decided to stay there for a while instead of going to Lapland.
8-July-2003: I was driving to school on a red and yellow box in the snow. When I got there I had to go back home because I was only wearing a robe with nothing underneath.
>7-July-2003: Was playing in a stupid game show; a friend of mine, Mark, and I were presented with an oddly shaped biscuit and were asked which celebrity it reminded us of. We couldn’t get it but the studio staff were giving us prompts; the whole thing was fixed. It turned out to be a young girl from India who appears in some unheard of famous commercial.
Later I was in a sports hall in Australia trying out for a football team; the Indian girl was watching me and giggling.
>6-July-2003: Talking to my girlfriend from previous night’s dream when a brown space shuttle came hurtling overhead then crashed behind some trees towards the river. My girlfriend got on her Vesper and started the engine; I hopped on the back and we sped off towards the accident. We reached the river and the wreck was on the other side; my landlord was there telling us it was too dangerous to cross the river on a motorbike, so I hoisted the motorcycle over my head and we waded across the river. When we reached the crash site there were grooves torn in the grass where someone had blatantly dragged off the remains of the shuttle; which, by now, we had deduced was Russian in origin. In place of the wreck was a collection of crudely constructed fake space shuttle part, supposed to fool the locals, made out of egg boxes and washing-up liquid bottles. Nevertheless, a Russian Mig came to bomb the crash site to cover up any evidence that might remain.
>5-July-2003: I was outside my old school and was been chatted up by a girl called Lisa that I used to fancy when I was eight years old. I nearly decided to go out with her but a Chinese girl came along who seemed much nicer, so I went out with her instead. We ended up at the top of a tall tower looking down at a game of water polo; Morgan, my ex-flatmate, was the captain of the winning team and scored lots of goals.
4-July-2003: Went to Wakefield with Ian (flatmate); we were been constantly harassed by an ugly girl. She kept nudging us and asking us for a kiss; Ian managed to get away but I did not, she followed me everywhere. As the dream progressed the girl became more attractive; losing warts and scars on her face, but I still didn’t like her. Some buildings at the end of the street were melting so we, the girl and I, ran back the other way; but the buildings were melting in that direction too. We saw a group of people running for the river so we did the same. Some kind of hovering machine was responsible for melting the buildings; it came to look for us along the riverbank but couldn’t detect us, because of something to do with the water. A young woman stuck her head too far out of the water and the hovering machine fired a dart that lodges into her teeth, a floating beacon was attached via a string to the dart; someone shouted, ‘They got Amanda!’ Someone else replied, ‘It’s a particle beacon, she’s as good as dead.’
The perspective shifted so that I was the one with the dart in my teeth; someone had told me it was impossible to get them out, I really didn’t want to die at the hands of these strange enemies. There were some braces in my mouth that the dart had become tangled with; I ripped out the dart and the brace and the tooth it was attached to, seconds before the enemy homed in on the particle beacon.
I came out of the water months later with a group of escapees; the town had been rebuilt in the style of a futuristic Chinese communist state, everything grey and with red banners snapping in the breeze. Everyone drove the same car and wore the same clothes.
3-July-2003: The stage was about fifty years in the future; ballistic projectile weapons were considered old fashioned. I was a slightly autistic young man; when I was a boy I used to suffer from blackouts, only I enjoyed them. The whole world seemed to shrink inward and wrap itself around me, everything smelled of the colour orange. I had an old fashioned (in this dream, normal in reality) style revolver that, if I was feeling a little bored, I would fire. The loud bang would bring about a three-second-long seizure that was similar to the blackouts when I was younger; the word shrank around me and everything smelled of the colour orange. I loved that gun. The only thing was that every time I fired it someone would alert the police; saying they’d heard an explosion, I would have to hide my gun in case someone took it off me.
2-July-2003: Something about passports that I can’t quite remember… I was flying about ten feet from the ground all over Brighton; being chased by a young Scottish man that wanted to steal a Pot Noodle I had in a thin plastic bag.
1-July-2003: Minor British TV stars Richard and Judy were on holiday in Spain. I was on the top floor of their hotel waiting for them to arrive, with a WWII German sniper rifle. I was also part of a team to stop the assassination. As the sniper I knew I’d been found out; two security guards came running up the stairs to get me, I shot one of them then threw the rifle away and ran for it. The other guy that was chasing me, was me. I chased the sniper all through the hotel and out into the streets; I eventually caught him but when he told me why he had to kill Richard and Judy, I let him go.