31-Janauary-2009: I had a dream that I was a woman showing Brad Pitt a bunch of gadgets I’d brought back from the future.
30-Janauary-2009: I had a dream that an old friend called Fred Pebbles went out with a 10 year old girl by mistake. It was all innocent and nothing actually happened, but Fred was very embarrassed nonetheless.
29-Janaury-2009: I had a dream that York Council, where I live, built a huge skyscraper by the river in Fulford (extremely unlikely in waking life). The skyscraper had a bar in the basement so I went to check it out as it was supposed to be the new ‘in place’ for York. I met up with two people that I only know in the dream. One of them was a really pedantic transvestite, always correcting and criticizing people, and another transvestite, from a British soap opera called Hollyoaks, came over to chat him up and tease him at the same time. They were both so big headed that neither one of them could tell that they were putting each other down with everything they said.
28-Janauary-2009: I had a dream that I was with the hosts of a TV show called Dragon’s Den and we were tasting different kinds of tuna fish together.
27-January2009: I had a dream that I beat my friend Angelika in a downhill, futuristic bike/pod race.
26-January-2009: I had a dream that I was in an apartment belonging to my ex-wife Maja, near the top of a high-rise building. She was supposed to be moving out and I was helping her carry boxes when an earthquake struck. To speed things up, so Maja could still get her stuff out, I put Transporter Tags (little black stickers that I use in dreams to teleport objects to other locations) on all her most important boxes before we ran down the stairs and went outside.
25-Janaury-2009: I had a dream that Marcia and I bought a house that would have been in an impossible place in waking life, right on the edge of a bridge, on the main road leading into the city. I thought it was really cool that one of our windows was only three feet away from passing cars.
24-January-2009: I had a dream that I was with Marcia, my wife, touring the southern states of America. We stopped at some little town where they were having a local fair in the town’s center square and Marcia got sexually harassed by the members of a British female pop group called Girls Aloud. I later chased them away with a flamethrower.
23-Janauary-2009: I had a dream that I was running across Tibet.
22-Janauary-2009: A very long time ago in waking life I stayed on a campsite north of Amsterdam with two friends, Chris Bacon and Lewis Evans. They left me alone one night to go into town and I sat outside our tent drinking wine and getting stoned. I watched this French gangster guy (we met him later during the day) go in and out of people’s tents looking for things to steal. At the time I just sat there and watched him, he didn’t come anywhere near our tent because everyone on the site thought we were nuts, because I was too drunk and stoned to move. In last night’s dream, reliving the same situation, I jumped the tent robber and handed him over to the Dutch police.
21-January-2009: I had a dream that I had to ride across Brooklyn on a motorcycle, only Brooklyn was ten time larger that in waking life so I had to drive about 60 miles which took me ages. When I arrived at the other side I had to go into a rundown housing project to search for an ancient Jewish artefact.
20-January-2009: I had a dream that I was chasing a young man, a criminal, in an alternate 17th century universe full of courtiers, ballroom dances and digital watches.
19-January-2009: I had a dream that I was in a swinging fish competition on the New York subway with my friend Dave Smiley.
18-January-2009: I had a dream that I went to see an old friend called Lewis Evans at the house he used to live in years ago. Lewis wasn’t there but his sister Vashti was in instead, only she wouldn’t speak to me and wouldn’t tell me why.
17-January-2009: I had a dream that Marcia, my wife, was afraid to come home because she’d done something slightly naughty and didn’t want to speak to the police before she’d got her British citizenship.
16-Janaury-2009: I had a dream that I was on a college trip to the city of Leeds and speaking lots of different languages to people.
15-January-2009: I had a dream that I was in a bed with two girls and my friend Neil Kay.
14-January-2009: I had a dream that I was naked in Brighton, a town on the south coast of England where I used to live. I met a girl as I walked along the seafront and she took me to see her mother. I talked to her mother about autism and ordered a pizza. I woke up thinking Brighton has much more of a ‘buzz’ than York, where I live now.
13-January-2009: I had a dream that I was practicing Tai Chi with Dolph Lundgren and my mother.
12-January-2009: I had a dream that I was on an army base in Germany when I spotted a very hot Chinese girl who I wanted to have sex with. When we met she felt the same way but we never got around to doing anything because her soldier husband was following us everywhere. Later, when we ran off together, her husband and his soldier friends were chasing us in a Mercedes all over Berlin in the rain.
11-January-2009: I had a dream that my Tai Chi instructor, Stewart, really hated this guy called Darren, a character from a British TV soap opera called Hollyoaks. Darren was watching us do Tai Chi when Stewart flipped, ran over and started strangling him. Darren was really angry at Stewart’s contradiction of being a ‘hippy Tai Chi man’ and wanting to kill him at the same time. They were fighting on the floor when I intervened with a three way Vulcan Mind Meld so they could see each other’s thoughts and appreciate each other’s hardships through life. Afterwards they were both crying and hugging a lot, then became concerned for me when they saw I had collapsed from exhaustion because of the Mind Meld. Stewart looked at my private parts then said “he must only be a boy on the planet where he comes from”.
10-January-2009: I had a dream that I wanted to buy a book called “How to Escape from Anywhere” because I thought it would compliment my SAS Survival Guide.
9-January-2009: I had a dream that I was telling all my friends and family that we have to build a bomb shelter in my childhood back garden because of an upcoming war.
8-January-2009: I had a dream that I was drinking in a bar while Marcia stayed at home, which made me feel quite guilty.
7-January-2009: I had a dream that I was on a train to London with my friend Neil Kay. All the stations we stopped at looked wrong, but people kept insisting that everything was fine – including the announcements which kept stating our arrival time in London. No one believed me when I said we weren’t going to London, even when we crossed over a world famous bridge that was nowhere near London, until we pulled into the station at Bristol and the rail company apologised for the mix-up.
6-January-2009: I had a dream that I was mega wealthy. Marcia and I lived in a huge mansion that we’d just moved into. One of the cleaners/janitors was trying to convince me that he was the head butler but I thought he sounded far too gruff for a job so posh. As I explored the mansion I found a hippy room full of Indian decor and incense burners. There was a woman permanently in the room who acted as the house’s therapist – everyone went to her when they needed to talk about their problems. Later I discovered a really quiet spot in the garden where you could hear birds singing, but I found an electricity generator there also and thought I would have to warn Marcia about it in case she hurts herself. Before I woke up I walked into the real head butler, remonstrating the janitor for pretending to be him.
5-January-2009: I had a dream about a girl with huge, beautiful eyes at a public swimming pool.
4-January-2009: I had a dream that someone had customised a Robin Reliant, a crappy little British three wheeler car no longer in production, with a V12 engine – like the ones you get in Formula 1 racing cars. It was awesome.
3-January-1009: I had a dream that a friend called Ruth Frost was wearing some really sexy shorts and I couldn’t stop looking at her when we were on a camping trip with some friends. After a while I cracked and asked her if she wanted to go and do it in the woods but she turned me down. I spent the rest of the dream feeling really guilty for asking her, because she’s my friend, and everyone kept looking at me because they knew I’d done something out of turn.
2-January-2009: I had a dream that I went to a special lake with my friends Neil Kay, Steve Lockie-Bloore and my wife, Marcia. The lake is special because it only appears in my dreams in an alternate world version of the Lake District in England. There are various water sports carried out on the lake, like jet skies and water skiing, which we all tried in this dream, and there is a path that leads to a waterfall one way and up a mountain to a cave the other. In last night’s dream we found a museum that I never saw before that was having a bric-a-brac sale inside, which Steve was very pleased about.
1-January-2009: I had a dream that I made a car disappear with a thunderclap and a man and his family got very annoyed when I wouldn’t show them how I did it.