31-December-2007: I had a dream that I was part of a female trio and some actors’ agent was trying to convince us that we would be perfect for the part of some trendy triplets in an upcoming movie.
30-December-2007: I had a dream that I went to a town called Selby (12 miles from where I live) with a friend called Neil Kay. We looked around the town trying to find somewhere to buy a boat. We’d found an old, but functioning, outboard motor in a junk shop, and had this crazy idea of buying a little boat to go with it and chug our way back home along the river (the river through Selby is the same one that goes though York where we live).
29-December-2007: I had a dream that I was a priest on a steam train. I was sat next to the boiler fire trying to keep a woman warm who was soaking wet.
28-December-2007: I had a dream that I was a passenger on a London bus, though not in London, when the driver crashed into a cement truck.
27-December-2007: I had a dream that I was in London, eating fruitcake with two friends called Grace and Garner.
26-December-2007: I sometimes have dreams where I can speak loads of languages, well all languages actually. In last night’s dream I was asking people at random to speak to me in their language to prove I could speak any language, as is often the case in these dreams, and I spoke to them in their own language like a native. One of the main languages last night was Romanian, which is a new language for my dreams so far.
25-December-2007: I had a dream that I was walking past a local university in the sunshine when I spotted my old kung fu instructor, Geoff Rennison, teaching kung fu to hundreds of people on a sports field. I went and talked to him then joined in the class, which made me feel quite happy.
24-December-2007: Earlier this year, in waking life, I worked with a film company as a supporting artist in an upcoming movie. In last night’s dream I was working with them again in a new fantasy epic. I was still part of the supporting cast, only this time I was also the author of the original story in disguise. The story was really famous, like Harry Potter, but no one had ever seen the author before, apart from the film company’s producer, who kept coming and asking me if everything was all right. The other cast members thought the producer was asking me if everything was all right because I was ill or something, he kept bringing me cups of water, but he was actually whispering to ask if they were filming it how I wanted it to be.
23-December-2007: I had a dream that I was a child who had been captured and locked in an old fashioned school. The school was really old, like Victorian, and the people running it were cruel. There was some kind of impending ill fate waiting for me at the hands of the teachers but someone showed me a door where I could escape as the teachers weren’t looking. I went through the door and found myself in a wide open field, which I ran across without looking back. As I ran across the open field it became apparent that I was somewhere in America’s farm country, it had one of those big red Dutch barns. I didn’t know why I was there or where I had come from, I had no memory of anything before escaping the school but some of the locals across the field seemed to know and pity me. I think something terrible had happened, like my parents dying in a car crash.
22-December-2007: I had a dream about learning or teaching art to a kung fu class.
21-December-2007: I had a dream that the secret underground bunker in my childhood back garden that often appears in my dreams was put to use once more during a nuclear attack. When the attack was over technicians began building a whole bunch of upper floors, one of which I told them to turn into a medical unit to help people suffering from radiation sickness because I’d found a woman who’d been affected by it wandering around outside.
20-December-2007: I had a dream that I was overseeing a project to create loads of bionic girls with Oscar Goldman, the boss guy from the TV series in the 1970s – The Bionic Woman and The Six Million Dollar Man, and that a confidential report had leaked to the press about our plans for infiltrating foreign powers with our bionic girls, codenamed Itchy and Scratchy.
19-December-2007: I had a dream that I was exploring an airport, possibly Manchester or Gatwick in England, with my friend Dave Smiley.
18-December-2007: I had a dream that a guy called Jez who used to lodge at my mother’s house in waking life, until she kicked him out, was living in another of my mother’s houses and selling drugs from there.
17-December-2007: I had a dream that I was walking by the end of a street called Curzon Terrace in York when two guys pushed into me and said something about my hair. They were trying to start a fight with me but I couldn’t be bothered with them. The two followed me awhile until a mob-style gang appeared in front of me and started attacking all three of us, thinking we were together. I used extreme kung fu powers to cripple and maim the suited gang, disarming one and shooting him in the legs with his own gun. When it was over I said to the first two, “Bet you’re glad you didn’t fight me now?”
16-December-2007: I had a dream that an autistic boy I know in waking life had a newspaper with murder evidence inside for a case no one knew existed. We tried to tell people that there had been a murder but no one would believe us until a priest did a special test on the boy and discovered he was telling the truth.
15-December-2007: I had a dream that I was waiting by a motorway in the pouring rain for a lift that others who were with me were convinced would never arrive.
14-December-2007: I had a dream that I was a rich lord of a country manor in England and that I had invented Rally Driving. A large part of my estate had been converted to an offroad race track all covered in mud for speedy drifting turns in my very early model car with its open top, huge spoked wheels and squeezy rubber horn that honked like a goose.
13-December-2007: I had a dream that a girl really liked me and I liked her too but I needed to tell her that I was happily married without making her upset, so I used Soul Speak to communicate with her spirit directly so she would understand how much I like her and how much I like Marcia who I have to stay with, which is kind of ironic to me as I write it down using words that mean so much less than the Soul Speak in my dreams, or even normal speech.
12-December-2007: I had a dream that the crap excuse for a bank in England called Abbey was making me put £1000 into a special box before they would allow me to put it into a bank account there. I think the dream reflects why I left the bank and went elsewhere, because everything about the way Abbey works is plain stupid.
11-December-2007: I had a dream where I was looking at my cute backside all the time, as in I thought it looked cute in the dream and I couldn’t stop looking at it.
10-December-2007: I had a long dream about cycling to a town called Barnsley in Yorkshire, England.
9-December-2007: I had a dream that I was riding an old rusty bus through the middle of Russia with my friends Neil kay and Dave Smiley. I had a fleeting moment of panic when I realised we were miles away from anywhere in the middle if the world’s largest country, but soon decided to settle down and admire the view from the window. We later arrived at a town and took part in an auction, bidding on Russian memorabilia from the 1950s.
8-December-2007: I had a dream that Marcia had a strange notion that her mother lived in a nearby town called Tadcaster, instead of miles away across the ocean as she does in waking life, and that she was putting her coat on to go and see her.
7-December-2007: I had a dream that Marcia, my wife, was looking all sexy and dark-skinned.
6-December-2007: I had a dream that one of my guitar strings broke in that strange way they sometimes do, where they keep stretching and unraveling without snapping – only this time the string stretched wider as well as longer and turned into one of those long balloons that people make animals out of at children’s parties.
5-December-2007: I had yet another WWII dream where a group of Desert Rats, as in the 7th Armoured Division, ran an American guy off a dusty road and threw him a live chicken to eat as they hurtled past in their truck.
4-December-2007: I had another WWII dream. This time I was on a steam train in period costume fiddling around with an MP3 player and wondering what the different governments of the time would do with such technology if I gave it to them.
3-December-2007: I had a dream that I was doing some secret helicopter testing out in a French field during World War Two.
2-December-2007: I had a dream that I’d been to a party with my friends Neil Kay and Jenny Sharp then travelled back in time to just before the party to tell Neil all about it to prove that I could travel through time. I had Neil pretty much convinced as we walked through an old town and I kept saying things that people were going to say to us about 10 seconds before it actually happened. We met up with Jenny and she wasn’t all that impressed with my predictions. Not even when I said, pretending to do Jenny’s voice, “I will go and get some Stella (beer)” and she replied, “Well, I will go and get some Stella” like it was a really obvious thing for me to guess… only when she left to get it I said to Neil, “Yeah, but I bet ya she comes back with a huge crate of cheap Russian beer instead because it was on offer at the market”, which of course she did.
1-December-2007: I had a dream that I was talking to my friend Dave Smiley and he told me that he was more depressed on sunny days because people were always smiling and you are expected to be smiling too, which kind of reflected how I, and countless others I guess, feel about Christmas sometimes.