31-December-2006: I had a dream that I was on a tube (subway) train going to Heathrow airport in London, England with Marcia. I had a laptop out and was trying to play a game on it while Marcia slept in a chair behind me. I couldn’t play the game though because this mad old guy, like a tramp (hobo), kept making weird noises and would shake my laptop around like he hated it. If I closed the laptop he would calm down, but I really wanted to play the game and I thought it was very unfair that nobody on the train was trying to stop the mad old man. Eventually, when I was playing the game again, the homeless old man went totally berserk and broke the screen off my laptop so I couldn’t play any more. I was so upset by everyone else on the train just looking and not doing anything that I started crying. My face was wet with tears as I begged to know why they didn’t try to help me, why the guard wouldn’t chastise the old man and throw him off the train.
30-December-2006: I had a dream that I was in a fairly primitive war like the Crimean or something, where we still had rifles and grenades but they were not very sophisticated. We were fighting an enemy that we couldn’t really see properly on the other side of a river. I was in command and every once in a while I would shout and point, “there’s one!”, and about fifty people would all throw a grenade over in that vague direction. At one point someone noticed something gleaming in the sunlight, wedged in the sand of the riverbank and our side. It was two metallic objects that looks out of place, sort of other worldly for the time period. Against the wishes of my men, who feared I would be shot, I swung down on a rope to pick up the two objects – right in the line of fire from across the river. There were a few half-heated pings off rocks as some people tried to shoot me, but I easily scooped up the two objects and carried them to safety on some stone steps leading up to the top of the riverbank. The objects were a can of strong alcoholic cider and a silver Irish tin whistle. I threw the cider away into the river and kept the tin whistle. My troops laughed at how much I’d changed in my old-age, throwing away alcohol in favour of a musical instrument.
29-December-2006: I used to know a guy in waking life, called Mark Rowley, who was a real psycho the last time I ever saw him, about 16 years ago. In last night’s dream I was chatting with him and asking if he was still a nutcase and always fighting.
28-December-2006: I had a dream that I was angry and calling Brian, my stepdad who I haven’t seen in years, a twat and throwing a DVD player at him. Later, in the same dream, I was dubbing old Hip Hop records on a high tech mixing desk.
27-December-2006: I had a dream that someone asked me direction to a place on the other side of town. They were in totally the wrong place and it would have been easier for them to drive twenty miles back the same way and head into town down a different road, only I found that I could draw a thick yellow line on their map with my finger to create a road going directly to where they were going.
26-December-2006: I had a dream that I was a rapist, or some equally heinous criminal, in prison and that a warder had moved me to a new cell, which was actually a public toilet. The toilet had broken windows and no locks on the doors, either on the toilet cubicles or the main door to my cell/toilet. The dream had the feeling like there’d been a mix up in administration, like some computer file had been corrupted and the warder had dumbly followed printed instructions and placed me in the toilet instead of a secure cell where I couldn’t escape. Later I was talking to a counsellor who was going to help me overcome the guilt of my crimes. I tried to tell her about the clerical error with my cell but she wasn’t interested, like it was all part of my psychological problems.
25-December-2006: I sometimes have a dream that I’ve murdered somebody, only I can’t remember who or when but I feel really guilty about it. I will often wake up feeling very relieved that it isn’t true. In last night’s dream I was with a friend from years ago called Sean Suckling who I haven’t seen for 17 years or more. We were walking around York University looking for a canteen or something when a reporter came up to me and asked if I’d seen Nicholas Cage, not the actor but a young kid they suspected I’d murdered. After that I had a dream flashback to an earlier dream from years ago where the police were questioning me about the skeletal remains of a body buried in my childhood home’s front garden. They thought I’d killed this person, who was named Nicholas Cage in last night’s dream, but they couldn’t link me with the body in any way – even though someone had seen me planting a fir tree on top of where they found the body.
I then flashed back to the reporter who was actually writing a book on unsolved crimes and not really a journalist at all. I told her that I’d just had a flashback and that I now had new evidence for the case. I told her that I thought the bones were actually stuck in the root-ball of the tree when I planted it, and that I’d originally dug up the tree from the abandoned house next door to mine to transfer it to my garden. The woman next door had always been arguing with her husband, but one day he just moved out and we never saw him again – then the woman and her son moved away a few years later and left the house empty. I was convinced that she had actually killed her husband, buried him then planted a little fir tree on top of him.
I woke up feeling really pleased that I’d solved the murder case that crops up in my dreams from time to time.
24-December-2006: I had a dream that someone with a Midlands (UK) accent phoned me up about a web design job and asked me to go and meet him tomorrow next to the River Severn, which is 6 – 8 hours drive away.
23-December-2006: I had a dream that I was working with a large team of friends and explorers, we were looking for a magical cave that I’d discovered in a different dream some time ago. I found the entrance to a cave, which was a very thin gully that led into an upward sloping tunnel. I led a woman wearing khaki shorts, or short combat pants, into the tunnel, which was very dark. I assured her that her eyes would get used to it pretty quickly, and that when we got to the top of our climb and looked back the tunnel would appear to be very well lit from the outside light.
We made it to the top of the tunnel and everyone else, about fifty people, followed. Instead of a cave though there was a manmade room that looked like it had been hastily put together to throw us off the trail. I got everyone to poke the floor with metal spikes, then the walls and some shelving and filing cabinets to try and discover the falseness in the ‘scenery’. I thought for a moment that I’d brought everyone to the wrong place, but someone noticed an odd-looking crack in the ceiling and gave it a prod. The whole roof started to give way, it was supporting the floor of the magic cave which crumbled down on top of us all.
We all died then, buried under sandstone and mud, and the others went dutifully off to Heaven. I didn’t want to go, I thought I was too young to die, and wished that I could go back down the tunnel and be outside in the sunshine again. I knew that I would only be a ghost though so I eventually followed the others. Heaven turned out to be fairly dull, like we were always waiting around for something to happen. The only substance we could actually touch was water, so a lot of people spent their time in mud baths because the mud in the water broke up the sensation in a curious, almost like being alive again kind of way.
There was an airport in Heaven that didn’t actually take you anywhere as such. You only departed mentally to different destinations while you sat in a sort of computer simulator. Also, because of resources, you could only visit parts of your own life or the place where you spent the most part of your life. So I walked along the ‘gates’ in the airport looking for York or a signpost for my life. I eventually found them both in the same place, with a coin-operated video game at the entrance to play while you waited for the simulator to be prepared.
I played the video game, which had a sort of rotating circular temple in the middle with holes in the outer walls. You had to manipulate stone blocks to plug up the holes in the walls and, while I was doing this, I came up with an idea for us all to escape.
Two of my friends from the expedition came to chat with me, both as bored as I was and desperate for any kind of distraction, even if it meant me talking about the simulation of my life – they’d already watched their own too many times – so they were quite excited when I told them I had a plan for everyone in Heaven to be able to escape and never go back there ever again. I said I was going to plug up all the ethereal holes in the Earth so that no spiritual forces could return there. No ghosts or people being reincarnated would ever be able to get through, so that eventually everyone (us, the spiritual life-forms that inhabit Earth creatures) would just die off forever, which meant that God would simply have to come up with a new way of doing things otherwise his creatures would not survive and he would no longer have a purpose.
22-December-2006: I had a dream about New York again. This time I was walking around with Marcia on streets with Brownstone houses, thinking how much nicer they look up close and how the whole of New York was mine [to explore] as we wandered into a subway station.
21-December-2006: I had a dream that I was trying to broker a feudal truce between myself and a magic sultan who lived on a desert island and flew around on a gold and purple stripy cushion.
20-December-2006: I had a dream about a gay male ghost. He kept trying to fool around with me, hoping that I could become gay too but I just wasn’t interested. I think he eventually ran off with an Italian mafia boss.
19-December-2006: I had a dream that the army was driving around all the streets in the neighbourhood that I grew up in and I was trying to convince my friends, Carl Sanderson, Ché Sanderson and Neil Kay, that they were up to no good. They didn’t believe me until we went back to my house and an army truck parked right outside, then it soon became obvious that they were following us. I have a lot of dreams that my childhood home has a secret military bunker under the house and back garden that can be accessed via a hatch at the bottom of the garden or a little lift inside the house.
I tried to get my friends to go in the lift but we could only fit one at a time in the thing that wasn’t much larger than a tall dumbwaiter. I sent someone down before me then followed. I noticed the walls of the lift shaft were covered in Jesus wallpaper. My face was just about to disappear below floor level when some army officials broke the front door down. I hit an emergency switch that stopped the lift and filled the shaft underneath it with concrete, then climbed out before the army could discover the purpose or destination of the lift. They eyed the hole in the wall suspiciously and I told them it was a recessed and sunken shrine to Jesus, which they accepted because of the wallpaper. Then, when they weren’t looking, I swung at one of the agents and he crashed into a radiator, falling unconscious. His comrade ran outside to get soldiers to come and arrest me, Carl and Ché but I hurried them out back and down the garden to the secret hatch so we could go and join Neil who’d gone down in the little lift earlier.
18-December-2006: I had a dream that I was with a friend called Benji. He bought me a long current bun thing with icing on top, I think they are called Iced Fingers in the UK. I hovered it closer to my mouth and Benji pretended the bun was a kind of ship and my mouth was a docking station, he commentated like and old-time radio presenter – “And here we have this magnificent ship coming to dock after its maiden voyage, floating through the sky ever closer to the docks..” then I put the bun halfway into my mouth and Benji continued… “now the docking clamps with lower and, but wait what’s this?” at which point I bit the bun in half and Benji cried “Good Lord no, it’s not a dock but a giant mouth; oh the humanity!”
17-December-2006: I had a dream that Marcia and I went to New York, via Florida, and stayed in a hotel. I have a phobia about elevators in waking life so I was hoping our room wouldn’t be too high up so I could take the stairs. Unfortunately though the receptionist told us that our room number was 8412, meaning it was on floor 84, so we couldn’t really take the stairs after all. As soon as we got in the elevator it occurred to me that I didn’t have to go up through all 84 floors in one go, I could take them ten at a time to get used to it and, as luck would have it, someone followed us in and hit the button for floor ten.
As I relaxed a bit it became apparent that the elevator was actually very large, there were couches around the walls with lavish silk cushions. Also the elevator went sideways along corridors as well us vertically, and we could see New York outside through windows, and inside the hotel too.
We came out at our floor and I got lost, winding up at a rooftop bar, talking to an old Scottish man about his son. After a while I went to find our room and discovered I was locked out, which was a bit unlucky as I was only wearing a bathrobe. I turned to go and look for Marcia but she had changed into my ex wife Masayo who was walking towards me, and she had a young Scottish guy with her (the old man’s son) who was drunk and singing “New York! New York!” I woke up wondering how many people every day who work in New York hotels hear someone drunkenly singing a song about New York.
16-December-2006: In York, England, where I now live the car parks have these ticket machines that allow you to use a mobile phone to pay. I always use coins myself but have wondered how the phone thing works. In my dream last night I figured out how the ticket machine work using your phone. I was quite surprised to wake up and find that my dream idea of how it works still made sense in waking life. Now I only need to go and check it out to see if I was right.
15-December-2006: I had a dream that I was the owner of a scanner that could detect people’s skin defects, then dispense appropriate medication, in the form of a little white pill, to rid the person of their skin troubles and leave them with a perfect complexion. I used it on a lady’s hand where she had really bad eczema, running a little blue light from my pen-sized scanner up and down the affected skin. The scanner analysed the DNA of the person and the molecules in the eczema, then a little pill popped out from where the blue light was emitting previously. The woman took the pill and her skin was healed.
14-December-2006: I had a dream that I was supposed to meet someone in the unrecognised country of Transdniester, only in this dream it was more of a large town than anything the size of a country. I parachuted down to the top of a mountain range, which in this dream surrounded Transdniester. It was night and there was a full Moon complete with pine forest and howling wolves. The scenery was more like a WWII movie, with me descending the mountains into the town and avoiding border guards and checkpoints.
13-December-2006: I had a dream that I was pushing a friend called Paul Wiles in his wheelchair. We were going along a busy street while my brother was constantly trying to distract us, getting on my nerves and nearly making me tip Paul out of his chair from time to time. My brother eventually gave up annoying us and we went to a gym where we met up with a guy called Bob Addy, who I haven’t seen in waking life for about 8 years. I can’t quite remember what happened in the gym but I somehow discovered that a girl called Rachel was in love with me.
12-December-2006: I dreamed that I was living in a huge boarding house with my wife Marcia, ex wife Maja, my brother and a friend called Philip Benton. The house was all narrow corridors and little, complicated stairways. At one point I saw my friend Neil Kay through a window, he was refueling a motorbike at a nearby station. I wanted to go and see him but couldn’t figure out where the outside doors of the house were. When I told a cleaning lady that I was looking for the way out she was terrified. We were not supposed to be looking for a way out because we were all slaves.
11-December-2006: I had an upsetting dream where my friends, Carl and Ché Sanderson were scary cocaine addicts. They were taking the stuff all the time and Ché was being really obnoxious and loud. At first I thought Carl might stick up for me and tell Ché to quite down, but he became a little drug-crazed too and started deriding me for not joining in.
10-December-2006: I had a dream that Marcia told me that her doctor said Marcia was pregnant, as she told me she was eating high-quality chocolates from a purple box.
9-December-2006: I got a bus from the centre of town with my wife, but instead of stopping near our house it kept going and went all the way to Selby, the next town from ours. We weren’t all that bothered, the bus was a double decker and we spent the whole trip canoodling upstairs.
8-December-2006: I had another dream about my North London, like in last night’s dream, only this time my first ex wife was living with Marcia (my wife now) and I in a flat. They were quite friendly with each other I think, but something made me want to go and explore the new main road I found in last night’s dream. I followed the road and found myself in a housing estate and saw a friend from childhood called Tim Wheeler. He was talking to a tramp, doing some kind of deal, but I told him not to bother because I’d seen the dream before and the man was not a tramp at all but some weird alien dude up to no good.
7-December-2006: I dreamed that I lived in a part of North London, England, that only exists in my dreams. I’ve been there before. I always thought it was a very complicated place, but I found a map that showed a long straight road running through the middle, where every landmark I knew of was just a little off to the side from this main road. I felt quite pleased that I could now find my way to anywhere and back again just by finding the main road.
6-December-2006: I had a dream that I owned a pet snake who kept biting me all the time. It wasn’t poisonous bit it had little, needle-sharp teeth.
5-December-2006: I had a dream that I was drinking bottles of beer with some friends I don’t know in waking life, in a bar I never saw before – though it did make me think of drinking in York when I was 18.
4-December-2006: I had a dream that my friend, Mark , was drunk and practicing kung fu kicks on chest freezer lids. People were encouraging him to kick all the freezer lids open in a warehouse and he was kicking them so hard that they flew off towards the ceiling.
3-December-2006: I had a dream I was with a guy I use3d to hang around with as a young teenager, about 13, and we were riding BMXs (bicycles) like we used to, only stopping now and again at way stations to drink cups of red wine.
2-December-2006: I dreamed that I was on a train traveling from Hull to York in England. I sat opposite an Australian TV soap opera character called Dr. Carl Kennedy. I had a bottle of cider, the strong alcoholic kind, that I really didn’t want to drink. Something was telling me to open the cider and party with the Doctor on the train, but I kept it wrapped up in a plastic bag.
1-December-2006: I had a dream that I went back in time to my childhood school and took a maths class with my teacher, Mister Ross. He was teaching the class how to count in binary and someone asked him what possible use would it be in the future, to which I laughed and shouted “more use than you could imagine right now” (in the 1970s).