31-December-2003: A female gangster boss in London, England employed me with two others. Our job was to run a multi-story car park somewhere in North London. When the boss came to collect her money there was a fight going on in the car park and we were trying to cover up the noise so she wouldn’t notice; we didn’t want to lose our jobs. She eventually drove off in her black car, we went to check on things and the whole place was in a terrible mess, broken windscreens and damaged cars everywhere. We thought we were going to be in terrible trouble but the boss came back and surprised us, she’d known something wasn’t right all along but was clad we tried to sort it out on our own. She made us tidy everything up then told us to go and clean some glass and blood up outside an old people’s home a couple of blocks away. Later I was out walking with my grandparents that passed away a few years ago, we were in a part of London that only exists in my dreams. I remember thinking while still in the dream that I haven’t been in this part of my mind for ages, it felt quite liberating as if I was reopening previously blocked experiences.
30-December-2003: At the house I grew up in my brother was constantly annoying me, saying he wants to break into my room and rummage through my stuff, I kept hitting him to make him stop but he just laughed and didn’t feel anything. Later he turned into someone else called Sean Atkinson, a really selfish man who had hurt hundreds of people around him. I wanted to hurt him back, hitting him with a baseball bat, but he didn’t feel any pain either. I took him to an empty swimming pool at the top of a hotel on the roof, strapped him into a torture chair and used a neural whip to cause him extreme pain. It still wasn’t enough so I contacted an alien friend who specialized in torture and really had a go at him, we did cause him considerable pain but it wasn’t enough, he still hadn’t changed and intended to carry on with his evil ways. I decided to get a lot of people up there that he knew, all people that had been horribly emotionally damaged by him in the past. We used a mind link-up between him and all the people he’d hurt one at a time, to make it fair the link went both ways so everyone could experience his feelings too. He was a much nicer person after the experience and invented a way to transport people to Mars without using spacecraft. We all started e new colony on Mars, it was a bit grim at first but also very exciting with swimming pools and link chambers that could take you back to Earth in 49 minutes if you wanted to leave.
29-December-2003: I was on a red double-decker bus travelling from York train station (England) to Fulford. The bus driver was drugged or drunk and kept coming off the road and hitting walls and traffic. I kept telling him he was drugged or something and that he had to stop the bus before someone was killed; everyone else on the bus was being typically British and pretending not to notice. The driver stopped the bus, protesting that he was fine, and came back a few minutes later with a handful of sausages. I knew he thought the sausages would sober him up; they, of course, did not. The bus pulled away again, he was driving way too fast and heading towards oncoming traffic every time we went around a bend in the road. We got to the top of the hill at the end of Micklegate and the diver swerved into a spin and crashed into Micklegate Bar; everyone got off the bus and ran screaming, an Indian family were laughing and the father said mockingly, ‘Hee hee, it’s that bus driver who never drinks or takes drugs on the job.’ I pulled out a miniature skateboard from my backpack and went to Fulford on that instead.
28-December-2003: A Chinese man came up to me outside my childhood home and asked me if I’d marry his friends, she was really pretty but I said she’d have to get to know me better long before anything like that happened. She said she wanted to marry me in February, which in my dream was actually September. I showed her that I could fly and she wasn’t bothered; I also teleported her across the world with my magic powers, she thought that was cool. I even took her to meet Catface and have a walk around the Mothership, she thought it was all very exciting. Later I found myself back at school in a chemistry class, I realised that it was the first class I’d been to all year having missed about twenty lessons. I let my mind wander in and out of the other students’ minds in the class for a few seconds until I was fully up to speed with what the teacher was talking about. Everyone but me had a glass globe full of water in front of them, they were using pipettes to drop some blue chemical into the liquid. The tutor said the liquid should turn green then start bubbling but she pointed out that this would not happen for the girls because they all breathed on their experiments at the beginning, I’d missed that bit from being late. Everyone was writing notes so I opened my book to do the same, but all the pages were already full of detailed pencil drawing of gothic interiors and statues.
27-December-2003: Mark, a few other friends and myself had decided to go to London; we got on the bus in Fulford in York to go to the train station. We were chatting so much that we didn’t notice we’d just stayed on the bus, I was thinking we must be in London by now. Mark pointed out that we were back in Fulford again and that we’d been going around in circles for two hours on the bus instead of getting on the train.
26-December-2003: Somewhere in the USA surrounded by tall pine trees and a fast flowing river, I was learning to be a white-water rafting instructor. It was great fun tipping boats over and rescuing each other, the icy chill of the mountain water was very invigorating. Later I had a black card made from recycled car tyres, it was like a little credit card that sat in my wallet; when I got it out it made me irresistible to women I found attractive, much fun was had in my dreams last night.
Christmas Day 2003: I was with my ex-wife (yet again!) and we were a happy couple watching a live magic show, most of the people in the audience knew me and knew that I didn’t want to be watching a magic show and worse still, didn’t want to be sitting at the centre of the front row. When the magician announced that he wanted two volunteers and pointed us out, the audience gave a huge sympathetic laugh. I told him that he really didn’t want me and that I would ruin his show, he insisted so we had to take part in his stupid tricks. He got us to write our names on a piece of paper; Masayo wrote her first name in her native Japanese then when she wrote her family name it was my mother’s maiden name. When I went to write my name it was already filled in for me, but only my first name; the magician said that was all he needed. We were outside by now next to a wall in York, the man said if I put my hands on the wall he could make oil rise to the surface and smear my hands. I analysed the wall with extra sensory vision and saw that the wall did indeed contain an amount of oil, I told him I could do it on my own and that I didn’t need his help. He said he’d give me a million dollars if I pulled it off by myself. I made the oil come out and showed the audience that the wall was fake with a reservoir of oil in the middle.
24-December-2003: I was an ancient Chinese immortal again, nothing special.
23-December-2003: I was travelling through Wales by car, my stepfather was driving with myself and Masayo (ex-wife) in the back. We seemed to be going further and further away from home. We stopped in a little sleepy village and went to a pub, it was full of familiar faces from the pub down the street from where I live. Nigel, my local pub’s ex-landlord, was serving at the bar. This was his new pub and everyone from my local had travelled across to Wales from York to spend the night on Nigel’s first day in his new public house. For some reason Masayo was starting to display a distinct Welsh accent, which was quite odd coming from a Japanese woman. She still had the accident when we were back in the car travelling south towards Cornwall. I was getting nervous about being in the car and wished there was some way out of this long trip, as I thought this my mobile phone rang; it was a client who needed a helicopter ride up to Scotland. One of my little heliports was only a few miles down the road so I told him I’d meet him there. We drove there in the car, my stepfather and Masayo were curious to see what I was talking about; all this nonsense on the phone about helicopter rides. As we pulled up this young black man came running over and shook my hands in his, saying how happy he was to see me again; I replied likewise and got in the waiting helicopter and started her up. Masayo and my stepfather were standing there like statues, so the other man ushered them on board and clipped them in and wired them up to the intercom. He laughed and said, ‘Didn’t you know he could fly a helicopter? Sit tight, he’s an absolute lunatic.’ I put the torque straight up to maximum and we whizzed up into the air, within seconds we were hundreds of feet up.
22-December-2003: I was kissing a Mexican woman when this guy started calling me bad names, saying I was a horrible person; asking me what kind of person treats his wife the way I had treated my ex-wife. I got really angry with him because he’d never met me and everything he’d been told about me was a lie. The man was my ex’s current boyfriend, when I got talking to him it became apparent that she was treating him the same way as she had me. After a lot of explanations the man and I became good friends and wanted to make my ex happy somehow.
21-December-2003: A glorious sunny afternoon was the setting at my childhood school; there was a tank on the playground, every now and again it would fire a shell at me across the playing field. The tank commander was a really bad shot so I never got hit, but the tank started moving closer so I rode off on a BMX. A troop carrier came out of the school and started chasing me across an adjacent playing field and my BMX wouldn’t peddle properly so I had to commandeer a postman’s bicycle instead. I made it to the end of School Lane and onto the main Fulford road where there are some big mansions. One of the big oak doors of a green mansion opened as I leant against it and I went in just in time to avoid the troop carrier spotting me. The mansion was actually a lodge for a secret society; an old man assumed I was a new member. He showed me around and said I would have to choose a sect to decide which part of the lodge I belonged in. There was a monkey sect where everyone behaved like crazy monkeys, laughing and capering all over the place. There was a practical joke sect that always had someone manning a pellet gun behind its door to shoot anyone that walked past outside. I decided to join the philosophy sect where everyone read books and drank sherry. I had to go through a psychological examination first though, a man was asking me what I thought it said about my personality that I wanted to stay in a big old mansion with all the luxuries while everyone else had to toil in the outside world. I said I didn’t know what he meant as I was darning one of my socks, he replied that it wasn’t exactly normal to be sprawled naked across a plush leather sofa darning a sock. I said, ‘Oh that,’ and, a la Homer Simpson, ‘Yeah, but what ya gonna do?’ I was formally accepted into the fold.
20-December-2003: I was an Iraqi soldier in the future in Yugoslavia; we were been overrun by UN forces so I took my uniform off and threw my rifle away and pretended to be a lost civilian. My friend Dave did the same thing and we slipped across an iron bridge over the Danube. We met up with another friend Maja, who is from Yugoislavia, and her brother Nikola. We walked along the riverbank towards Beograd (Belgrade) in the hope of smuggling ourselves out of the country; ironically I had a dream a year ago where I was with a group of Albanians trying to smuggle ourselves in to the same country. We made it into the ruined centre of Beograd, there were tanks everywhere firing machine guns at any soldiers that popped up in the rubble. By now we were all scruffy and looked like street urchins, still the odd machinegun turret let of a little barrage in our direction now and again as we bobbed along the tumbled piles of bricks. Some friendly Yugoslavians spotted us and ushered we four urchins into a safe house, it was full of huddled British stereotypes who greeted us with, ‘hello chaps, awful mess what!’ The locals had been feeding them bread and cheese for weeks, keeping them like pets. They had lost any will to escape so we left them to it the next day. We eventually made it out of the country and all the way to Iraq; even though I’d been an Iraqi soldier before I had never been to Iraq itself, I decided to look for all those secret bases and nuclear test centres people used to talk about a few decades ago. We came across a hut in the desert selling contraband, in this case it was all Americana, flags, posters, bullet casings et cetera; still highly illegal in Iraq after fifty years or so peace between the two nations. We crossed the Euphrates and found an old nuclear test centre, some Russian tanks came to see who was trespassing on their property. They were going to fire on us so I covered each tank with a magic force field, as they fired there was nowhere for the energy to escape so the tanks destroyed themselves and created oddly shaped inverse craters in the desert.
19-December-2003: I kept dreaming that I couldn’t turn the light on in my room properly. The bulb would light up a bit but it was really dim, I wanted the lights to come on because I thought my room was feeling very spooky.
18-December-2003: I was at a farm with lots of people; we were in the barn playing hover ship in groups of three. The hover ship was a flying saucer shaped toy that had a fan in the middle that made it hover; one person had a control to increase or decrease the power which made the ship go higher or lower, another person had a control to make it go left and right, the third person could make its nose angle up or down. You had to navigate the hover ship around an obstacle course we’d constructed around the barn and outside in the farmyard, it was a real test of teamwork to get around without hitting anything using three separate remote controls. The friends I made in this dream carried through to three following dreams; the most interesting for me was when we found some new green hills behind my house with hundreds of green-grassy compartments with a horse in each. I went on a bus ride to get to the other side of the hills and left the hover ship on the back seat. One of my new friends was very upset because they’d made it themselves so there was nowhere to buy another one. I had Catface make them a perfect replica that made everyone happy; Catface didn’t even make any of its usual silly adaptations, apart from putting a rechargeable battery inside that had a charge life of ten years continuous use.
17-December-2003: A man was creeping through a jungle way too loudly; he thought he was being quiet but our sensitive ears could hear him easily. He had a rifle with a scope attached, he was aiming at a silver back gorilla, about to kill it, when a big brown ape’s hand shot out and grabbed the man’s trigger finger and bent it backward. The man screamed and pulled free making to shoot the brown ape but he was too slow, the ape grabbed the barrel of the gun and bent it in half. Someone had been training the apes in this jungle the art of unarmed combat. They were hunting down poachers and stealing their weapons, I was following them and narrating like a nature programme on television.
16-December-2003: I was in a department store in Japan with Japanese female rock band ‘Shonen Knife’; they were looking at Swatch watches and picking out all the ones they thought were really cool. The idea was for them to sing their song ‘Hot Chocolate’ at an award ceremony of some kind and pass out the watches to a line of awardees as they filed past. I thought they were mad and told them all the watches looked stupid, then walked away hoping they would follow me and ask which ones I thought were cool. They ignored me and carried on by themselves.
15-December-2003: I was sort of getting back with my ex-wife after three years, but she was a whole different person to the one I used to know. She was all positive and smiles instead of negative and miserable.
14-December-2003: I had come into possession of a flat in Bournemouth on the south coast of England; I went to stay there and took part in some kind of summer training camp. I spent most of my time thinking up more ingenious ways to avoid being involved in any of the army training. I was walking across a verdant grassy field when I saw a gorgeous Chinese girl sitting down picking flowers; I went and told her what a splendid picture she made surrounded by beautiful white flowers, bathed in luxurious sunlight. She had hurt her hand and I kept asking her if I could kiss it to make it better and she kept saying no, she had this really dumb boyfriend that was sort of bothering her all the time but she stayed with him because he was the best looking guy around. Eventually the girl relented and let me kiss her hand and she was shocked to see her bruised hand rapidly healing; she dumped her boyfriend but didn’t go out with me, though she went with me everywhere so that people did think we were a couple. A general came to visit the army camp and I offered to park his Mercedes truck to avoid more work; he let me take it, so I drove down to the beach and took the pretty girl for a drive along the coast. We watched a group of teenagers taunt some Mexicans on a nearby island.
13-December-2003: I was with my mother and brother in a multi-story car park in Japan getting dressed. I was putting my clothes on with lightning speed but no one noticed, when I asked them to watch me put my top on I messed it up and couldn’t get my arms in the right place. We were walking down the stairs when a young man stopped us and threatened us with a knife (almost unheard of in Japan), my mother said to just give him some money or whatever he wants but I knocked the knife out of his hand and threw him over a high wall into the street.
12-December-2003: Johnny Barrow (a friend of a friend) was walking on an artificial golf course on the roof of the grandstand of York Race Course. He was collecting champagne glasses and bottles of wine left over from a Christmas party, I was watching through a fence a little higher up. Johnny was passing me objects left behind from the party that he thought I might want. I got a little clock for babies that boasted its loud tick would soothe any child into a blissful sleep, assorted decorations and a bag of what I thought were nuts but turned out to be a collection of different coloured beads for making African-style jewellery.
11-December-2003: I was time travelling again; went back to York (England) in the nineteen twenties with a group of friends. A girl that was with us wanted to go to the toilet so she ran off to find one; the other two people with me went into an opera house where a French troop were performing Moulin Rouge, I was dithering over whether I should go in or not. The woman at the ticket office looked like a whore house madam, she was irritated with me for not going in to see the show; I told her I had to wait for our friend, when she came back she wouldn’t know where we’d gone and it was typical of my other two friends to just wander off without a care for anyone else. I decided not to go in after all and, when the girl came back, we went to explore a department store called W. P. Browns. The store has a really complex array of stairways and corridors; it was almost impossible to find your way back to a department you’d just left, I was trying to find the clothing department because all I was wearing was a bath robe. My friend told the manager I was an eccentric millionaire and always dressed this way; the store let us help ourselves to anything we wanted. I had a conversation with the manager, he told me he was going to Edinburgh that afternoon and hoped to meet me again. I said, ‘Wow, you must be going on the old Flying Scotsman; the steam train.’ The manager laughed and commented on the latest English trend of calling things ‘old’, especially when they are brand new.
10-December-2003: I was living in a dead end street with a huge wall at the end, so the only reason to come down our street was to go to one of the houses because it didn’t lead anywhere. Everywhere outside our street was in ruins, but hardly anyone bothered with our street with it not leading through to anywhere. Everyone had an electric mini gun (like the ones on helicopter gun ships) mounted to the front of their house. Each gun had a radar that read people’s thought patterns; if someone wandered down our street with evil in mind the whole street was a buzz of mini gun fire, the wrong doer had special darts shot at them from the guns. The darts were little transporter tags that teleported the potential criminal to varying distances away from our street. If the evil they intended was small, say a child out to steel some fruit off a tree, they were sent away within a 2km radius. If they were intent on burglary or worse they were teleported as far away as possible to somewhere random. For instance, a gruff looking man was going to ransack my neighbour’s house but the guns sent him to a remote forest in New Zealand instead.
9-December-2003: I was directing a war by looking at a map of the world. Our allies had taken Morocco and most of North Africa; my mum was asking me where we were going to go next, she was worried about our troops having to march all the way through France to get to the enemy in Spain. I told her that wasn’t necessary as we could flood the whole of northern Africa, via the Atlantic, with allied troops and launch them into Spain or anywhere we like.
8-December-2003: I decided to see what it was like in my home town of York, England, thirty years ago; so I travelled back in time to have a look. I met up with Steve Cram when he was a kid and told him he was going to be an Olympic gold medallist for running, then gave him a race and won. We became friends and met up with a couple of girls down Foss Island’s Road, I took them on a tour of the city and pointed out all the places that were going to be completely different in thirty years’ time.
7-December-2003: I was on holiday in Venice, Italy. There were some North Africans playing some interest reed instruments and I wanted to buy one. My friend Maja was there talking to a strange man; she kept telling him stories about this other man she used to know and all the crazy thing he used to do. I knew she was talking about me because I recognised all the things she described as things I had done; she wanted me to overhear the conversation so I could see how mad this other man thought I sounded, only he thought I sounded really interesting and begged for more tales of my antics. Especially later one when Maja switched on the TV and said, ‘Oh my God, now what’s he doing?’ I was in a race around Venice’s canals; skimming across the water on my bear feet, Maja had switched on just in time to here a man announce that I was the winner!
6-December-2003: I was at the old Chernobyl power station in Russia; the authorities had submerged the whole site in what they called ‘liquid gold’, people were swimming in the substance with the belief that it would give them magic powers. I used my own magical powers to neutralise the radiation and make the area safe. Later on I had a dream about a curious river with many eddies and swirls; five different rivers flowed into it causing the odd tides. I was having a discussion in a later dream about how I could possibly convey the strangeness of the river in this dream journal; I was toying with the idea of drawing a diagram but decided against it when I woke up.
5-December-2003: I was with my brother and his daughter in our old house surrounded by double-glazed windows; the windows had automatic blinds on them that kept going up and down on their own. A woman phoned to see if we wanted to by any double-glazing so my brother put little Eva, who’s three years old, on the phone to talk to her.
4-December-2003: I was with my friend Jenny giving her a lift home in her car; she said she didn’t want to drive cars anymore since they stopped using steering wheels. Instead of a wheel the car had two big levers (like you get on a cross/ski trainer in a gym), you pushed the right one forwards to turn left and vice versa. To speed up I pushed them both forward and to slam the brakes on I pulled them back very fast. It was all a bit strange for me because I’d been abducted by space aliens and was only returned to Earth that day, after an absence of eight years; before I left all the cars still used steering wheels. The city where Jenny lived was huge, about the size of England, and the area we were heading for was called Lincoln. A huge circular motorway circled the city, when you got to the area you were going to you had to direct the car to drop down a hole onto a sublevel motorway that circled the area, and so on till you got to your house. The Lincoln area of the city was coloured purple but I still missed it and fell down the wrong hole; Jenny said she did it all the time but it didn’t matter, you could get back to the top motorway and circle around again in twenty minutes. We must have been travelling at hundreds of miles per hour.
3-December-2003: I was in a park with my brother and some other people I don’t know. My brother and I were teasing each other constantly; he was always the one that started it and he always took it further than I did. Later I was with a friend who was terminally ill, he wanted me to turn him into a rat. I turned him into a rat but informed him that he was still going to die in two months; only now he was going to be a dead rat instead of a dead human, he was very disappointed because he thought that a rat would be immune to his illness. This single rat bothered me in all my other dreams; I even thought there might be a rat in my room every time I awoke during the night.
2-December-2003: My friend Maja came to work with me; which is quite unusual because I haven’t seen her for six years. I said I could come back to her place for a chat when I finished work, but when the time came I realised her flat was three hundred miles away and it would take about ten hours to get there and back. I was explaining to her how I wouldn’t be able to come for a chat after all, as I was talking Maja walked into a really old fashioned looking shop and came out with a baseball bat and glove. I thought she was going to whack me around the head with the bat, but she just wanted to play baseball instead. As I awoke, I wondered why Americans are always trying to make things easier than they need to be; because of the huge baseball glove the pitcher uses to help catch the ball. I wondered who came up with such a silly idea in the first place.
1-December-2003: I was with two American friends staying in a wooden house in the Mojave desert. A storm was coming and everything was getting blacker by the minutes, it wasn’t a rainstorm or any kind of normal storm. The air outside the house was filling with a black soot type substance; out of the blackness came an eye, my two friends told me not to look at it as it would destroy my mind. It was constantly whispering subliminal messages to try and get us to look at it. After about and hour it stopped and the sun was back; the storm had reformed into its natural state, a sixty foot high yeti with a big booming voice, and walked off over some mountains then waved goodbye to us as it disappeared.