30-April-2005: I had a dream that I was walking down the street I grew up on when I happened across a guy called Richard Cass, someone I went to school with as a child – who was now grown up like me in this dream. He was outside our old childhood school, sculpting a tree-trunk with a chainsaw, making a bench or something similar. He was having trouble finishing off some of the finer edges with the unwieldy chainsaw when another guy from my childhood, John Shipley, came along and offered to give him a hand. John used expert chainsaw sculpting techniques, gently buffing the end of the buzzing blade against the finer curves of the wood and using a corner of the chainsaw nearer the handle to do some complicated angles. Richard was amazed and I said, ‘He knows all the techniques does our John.’ To which John and I smiled, and I hoped we would be slightly better friends for it.
29-April-2005: I dreamt that I went to a town I’ve never seen before in America with my friend, Che. For some reason we expected it to be a sunny, warm place and had taken light camping gear and tents. When we got there it was freezing, pitch black, night-time and six feet deep in snow, the sidewalks had been ploughed out so that there were six-foot snow walls to either side of them. Che and I wanted to find some entertainment, a bar or a liquor store where we could buy booze – all we did find was a big old shed with a woman inside serving homemade drinking chocolate, which was kind of nice considering how cold it was outside. We decided to stay in the big shed with the hot drinks and give up on the booze, even though we were alcoholics, and discovered another room where lots of locals were playing bingo. The next day was sunny and everything looked beautiful in the snow; a whole bunch of us went trekking in the countryside, through pine trees, and came across the most amazing panoramic view of the Appalachian mountains – it was so awe-inspiring that I was almost moved to tears, I was certainly unable to speak, and decided to fly off ahead of the group towards the majestic mountains.
28-April-2005: I was in a dream where hundreds of us were about to partake in a World War Two re-enactment on an island; the teams were: America, Germany, Britain, Japan and the Philippines. I was on the British team, allied with the American and Philippines team – I went to great lengths to warn my team that the Japanese would be using some sneaky ninja tactics to get into our base and win the game, as I was explaining this I kept seeing the ninjas sneaking through the mud into our base, right past our guards; it made me annoyed that my team was so useless, but I drove them off myself eventually with kung fu, which was more than a match for their inferior, rigid Japanese martial arts. My victory was short-lived though, when I turned around our base was overrun with German Panzer tanks and we had lost the game. The Philippines had surrendered at the first sign of German tanks and let them through from the south, no one even knew where the Americans were – they had disappeared (not literally) somewhere at the other end of the island.
27-April-2005: I dreamt that I went to visit an old friend called Kat with Marcia, my future wife. We sat and talked to Kat and she showed us some cartoon strips she’d been working on; they were an adaptation of Anne Rice’s vampire novels, Kat said she was sick of them. I told her that I wasn’t surprised because she’d been doing them for over a decade. An old couple came and knocked on Kat’s door and she let them in. They were Russian ex pats, living in England for at least 30 years; Marcia (an ex pat herself) and the old woman didn’t get along at all, they kept making snide remarks to each other about who had the most right to be here – it was mostly the Russian lady’s fault, but I did wish Marcia hadn’t encouraged her so willingly.
26-April-2005: I was in a dream adaptation of the hit musical/movie Bugsy Malone, all silly machine guns, 1920s cars and cream pie fights.
25-April-2005: I dreamt something about chasing after girls, thinking it was okay because I’m single; but I had to stop when I realized that I am no longer single. Some young men in a red car backed into my car and tried to drive off without stopping, I picked their car up from behind with my hands and flipped it over on its back – the occupants got out and ran away.
24-April-2005: I had yet another dream where I was in a plane flying to America from England, this time it was a regular jumbo jet though – at least on the outside. On the inside our plane looked like a cocktail lounge with tables and candelabras everywhere; a friend called Steve was showing us how to play some card games and I was desperately trying to enjoy myself to take my mind off the flight, hoping we’d get there quicker. I looked out of the window and saw that we were going along a road instead of flying through the air and said to Steve, ‘Oh, for fuck’s sake, this always happens (in other dreams it has happened a lot); the plane’s always crap and we always have to land on a road, the plane tries to take off then crashes and we have to be rescued by a better plane. Why can’t they just put us in the better plane to begin with?’ To make things worse the road we were on was actually in York, England, where we’d set out from to the airport the same morning; it broke down right outside York horse racing track, there was a party going on inside and we (the passengers of the broken jet) all went inside, it seemed as though we were expected. Everyone else that was with me started eating, I sat next to Neil and Jenny as they enjoyed a huge platter of food and Neil smoked a cigar. A waiter came up to me and said, ‘You’ve forgotten to get some food for yourself.’ And I replied, ‘It’s not so much that I’ve forgotten, it’s more that I don’t have a fucking clue what’s going on. First we were flying to America and now I’m back in York watching everyone eat!’ The worst thing of all, I realized, was that I’d somehow lost Marcia (my fiancé) and had no idea where she could be. I was wearing a communicator for the Mothership and used it to talk to Catface, not bothering to try and hide what I was doing. No one really paid me any attention though, they were all very drunk by now – mostly from drinking chardonnay. I asked Catface to scan for Marcia, it found her straight away – she’d fallen out of the plane and landed on a deserted Greek island, there was an image of her all lost and shouting, ‘Plinks, PLIIINKS!’ I told catface to bring the Mothership down immediately and not bother with a disguise to save time. I walked outside and waved the shape down as soon as I saw it coming through the clouds, looking like its true flying-saucerish self. Most of the onlookers laughed, thinking it was part of the show, as I got onboard and lifted off; there was a little trouble gaining height for a moment but we soon started hurtling along at record speed to pick up Marcia, which we did in only a few minutes.
23-April-2005: I dreamt that I was watching a play at a school where all the actors sat on the front row, facing the audience, and ranted about the delights of York, England. Two people called Grace and Garner were among the actors, as was a friend called Nathan who, strangely, was also in the audience sitting next to me. He kept shouting at the actors, ‘there’s not enough girls in this play!’
22-April-2005: I dreamt that I was in a time where aircraft were very new, the first flight across the Atlantic from Britain to America was taking place and I was one of the passengers. At one point there was a radio commentary of the event, following the initial stages of the flight and the passengers were testing the cabin door to make sure it would open whilst they were in the air – unfortunately during this test one of the passengers fell out of the old fashioned propeller-driven craft and ended up hanging onto the wing and a rod supporting one of the wheels, the person who fell out was me. It was snowing and dark but I was partially protected from the snow by part of the aircraft, if I poked my head above the box-like attachment on the wing I got a face full of blizzard. My leg was trapped in the door in a way that made it impossible for me to be lifted back inside, they had to push me fully outside and close the door behind me so I could reposition myself to be hauled back aboard. I felt very isolated after they shut me out and wondered if I could hang on out there all the way to America; it was obvious that I could not but it didn’t matter because the door opened again and they pulled me inside. The cabin was all themed like an English castle, with fake stone walls and a big fireplace with a real log fire burning in it – some people were playing poker and drinking brandy, my grandfather, who died a few years ago, was there telling me not to get involved in such foolish games where you can lose all your money. My brother was in the game and my grandfather said it was too late for him, my brother agreed.
21-April-2005: I had a sort of non-sexual, sexual dream with my friend’s girlfriend in it. We found ourselves alone together in a house I’ve never seen before trying to figure out a way to have some sexual type fun without actually partaking in any sexual activity. We kept thinking of stuff then ruling it out because it was too naughty; her boyfriend came home and caught us at it, doing nothing – a very strange dream.
20-April-2005: I dreamt that it was my wedding day and Marcia looked fantastic in her dress; we were waiting for people to arrive, prior to the wedding, from other towns. I thought everything was ready, even if some people didn’t show up it didn’t really matter, until I looked at what I was wearing – I was all smart with a jacket, shirt and tie but when I looked down I was wearing my old jeans and running shoes, I didn’t panic and thought about getting the Mothership to beam across some new clothes to wear instead of my jeans and shoes then woke up.
19-April-2005: I had an upsetting dream where I’d broken up with my future wife, in the future; I was moving into a friend’s (Diane and Che’s) house and talking about the rent with her in the living room, thinking it might be okay to be living with her and Che – like old times gain or something, but there was always a nagging feeling that it was all wrong, that I should not be moving backwards in my life. Diane went into the kitchen to make some tea and started humming a tune that sounded just like a special song that Marcia, my future wife, sings; I broke down in tears and told Diane that I couldn’t move in, I’d made a huge mistake – I love Marcia more than anything else in the world and I missed her terribly. I left Diane’s house and started walking to look for Marcia; I decided that walking wasn’t quick enough so I started running; that wasn’t quick enough either so I started flying, determined that I would not stop until I found Marcia again. Some guy was holding onto my foot as I tried to speed up my flight, but I kicked him off and he exploded through a hole in a wooden fence; after that I kept getting faster and faster, faster than I’ve ever managed to fly in previous dreams… I woke up feeling very emotional and very happy that it was only a dream.
18-April-2005: I was in a dream with my fiancé, Marcia, and some friends from childhood that have grown up now. We were walking down Carnaby Street in London, England, looking for a punky/goth store, when we found it the place was all changed and modernized, all shiny and glitzy pink – it was horrible. Marcia was naked and Sean Easton was teasing her a bit, breathing on her and stuff – I didn’t mind at first and thought it was quite funny, but he started getting more annoying and putting his hands where he shouldn’t, so I pushed him off and left him on his own, taking Marcia with me to different parts of London.
17-April-2005: I dreamt that I was half watching a movie about some adventurers on an island in the Pacific Ocean, and half in the movie myself. The dream switched so that I was one of the main characters as he peered over a wall just in time to see a volcano erupting. I called back to my two companions, a man and a woman sat at a camp fire, that we were in big trouble – the volcano exploded with such ferocity that it made a huge atomic bomb-like mushroom cloud thousands of feet high, we had only moment before great winds assaulted our island camp and swept it away. We all took shelter behind the wall and I prayed that the wall would hold out until the terrible winds from the blast died away.
16-April-2005: I had a dream that I met a discount rabbi in an alternate reality; he said he could marry my fiancé and I without too much fuss, so I sort of agreed to it… it didn’t take long though before I realized that he was a waste of time, he was conducting a local council meeting at the same time we were supposed to be getting married – the deal kept getting shabbier by the minute until it was obvious that he was not going to marry us that day after all. I decided then to go outside the town hall we were in and demolish it from the outside; I had a huge piece of wood/tree trunk that I wielded with superhuman strength, tearing a great gash along the bottom of the building’s walls and making them collapse in a pile of brickwork – some local kids (one of them was an alternate mirror image of my friend in my own reality) were going to attack me until they saw how strong I was knocking the walls down. Their reality was very primitive compared to my own, I grabbed a bunch of the local kids/hooligans and took them to this reality, to a large city on top of a skyscraper. I dangled one of the kids over the edge and he asked me what it was that he was looking at, they’d never been that high up before, and I told them they were people walking and driving in metal boxes, they were a very long way down. I said that if they were to fall of it would look something like this: I jumped off the building and screamed (for show) all the way down, but slowed myself and landed gently on the road at the bottom then jumped out of the way of an oncoming train.
15-April-2005: I dreamt that I was in London, England, riding a train to a mysterious town I’ve never seen before – I think I was a secret agent from another planet, I had a strange pen-like device that I can’t remember the function of. I later ended up in my home town in an alternate reality; it was kind of interesting riding my bike around the area, pointing out things that were slightly different – thinks like bridges that had been built slightly differently, and parks where there were none in my own reality.
14-April-2005: A bunch of friends and I were in a dream where we were robbing an extremely high tech facility, not a bank but rather an alien-type futuristic storage for top secret equipment. We pulled off a daring heist, bypassing sophisticated security systems, loaded our stolen equipment into the back of our getaway vehicle and hit the road. We had a three-minute head start before the building’s security officers would chase us; the plan was to be far away before they started their pursuit but, when they emerged, our head start was 
not nearly so far. Our getaway vehicle was an old (in this dream) American ambulance, the security officers had futuristic jeeps that were visibly gaining on us the instant they appeared from within the complex – one of our gang got out and blew the lead chase vehicle up with a missile launcher just before I woke up from the dream.
13-April-2005: I had a lovely dream with my fiancé, Marcia, in a white frilly dress/underskirt thingy. It was a design I’ve never seen before with overlapping layers about six inches wide flowing down from her shoulders to her knees, the material was silk or something shiny.
12-April-2005: I found myself in a curious dream where most of the people in the world were about to disappear, unless they could get themselves near to some special lakes; I was with an old friend called Sean Suckling looking for a lake called Catface, we had 20 minutes to find the place and get near it before some unusual sunspot type activity was going to make the people disappear. We couldn’t find the lake but came across a field called the Little Knavesmire that had a lake in it, I was pretty sure it had magical qualities and, as we only had a few seconds left, we headed for it and hoped for the best. When we got right up to the lake it was pretty dried up, being summertime, and Sean jumped up and down in the shallow water saying, ‘You really think this pathetic thing is going to save us?’ I didn’t answer him as our time was up, the sun flared up and people started disappearing in a white-hot light; all the people around the lake where we were did not disappear, I was right and we were fine.
11-April-2005: I was dreaming that I was at university with some people I went to high school with; we all had bionic limbs and were using them to climb the walls of the university and leap from great heights – at one point we were teasing a rhinoceros and letting it chase us around in circles; we marvelled at how we could climb walls only using a single finger nail to grip tiny handholds.
10-April-2005: I dreamt that I was by a river at night in the dark, thick mist hovered over the water and I was naked. I jumped into the river because I wanted to swim naked in the water but I got a bit frightened when I couldn’t tell which direction I was facing when my head came up through the surface, all I could see was mist. There was a faint outline of a shore that I could only see if I didn’t try too hard to look at it, I had to sort of keep the image in my peripheral vision to swim towards the shore. I eventually made it back and discovered a footbridge over the river that needed repairing, all the necessary pieces for fixing the bridge were on the river bank, illuminated by moonlight. I fixed most of it but a drunken man started walking across before I finished, the bridge was very unstable but he miraculously managed to stay on and not fall into the river. He ended up helping me put the bridge together, though we had to stop when we got to the winding mechanism that was supposed to raise the bridge if a tall boat came along – I said, ‘I’ll never figure out where all these cogs go, we’ll have to let someone else worry about those in the morning.’
9-April-2005: I had a dream that involved an American, yellow school bus; I was with a large group of people taken in the bus to an underground complex on a school trip, only we were all adults. I needed to sabotage the complex somehow but I can’t remember why; I used a scanner that emitted a green light that I swept across the entire underground structure, I made the scanner unscrew every nut, bolt and screw there was so they were 98% undone, as displayed on a readout. I just had to sit back and watch the building collapse a bit at a time as people opened and closed window and doorways. I thought that 98% was a little extreme, so I reduced the settings so the screws, nuts and bolts were only undone 86%, so the building would last a little longer – a guy from my childhood called Robert Blake came up to me and said I was a coward for not sticking with the original settings and letting it all collapse quicker, so I punched him in the face then started fighting with another guy from my childhood called Sean Atkinson. I found my friend Che after that drinking beer in a hotel bar outside the doomed complex, I wanted a drink too but the bar was closed for business.
8-April-2005: I was dreaming about Marcia, my fiancé, and something to do with a white t-shirt she was wearing. We were kissing a lot and some guy was sort of hunting us at the same time, but not having much success in actually catching us.
7-April-2005: I dreamt I was walking along a street and came across this guy I used to do kung fu with, I asked him if he was still into martial arts and, if he was, what was he doing now. He told me that he was doing a different type of kung fu to the style we used to do, then we had a discussion on whether or not I should take up a new martial art.
6-April-2005: I was in a dream where I was walking along a country road in England in the sunshine; there was a green field beside the road and balls kept landing near me and exploding, sending pink powder into the air as they ripped apart. I thought that someone was firing them near me on purpose to try and make me think the exploding balls had significance to the future and my love life, that the exploding balls were somehow predicting my future marriage even though I already knew about it. I thought the balls were being fired from about a mile behind me until, half an hour later, I found myself no longer on the road but walking on a golf course. A group of golfers were hitting the exploding balls far into the air, they’d been in front of me and where their balls had landed had been a coincidence. I went past the golfers and climbed a grassy hill where a new nuclear power plant that was under development had been delayed by the intervention of some ducks, who had somehow managed to flood a large hole with water – the hole was to house some foundations for one of the plant’s buildings. I arrived just in time to see workmen digging into the hillside and into the hole to release the water. I overheard the plant manager telling reporters, ‘No, no; we don’t like to use words like “meltdown”, we’d prefer it if you thought of it as an extra amount of un-requested fission’ – I was vaguely aware the Mister Burns had said something similar on an episode of the TV show, The Simpsons. After that I decided to fly and took off into the air, flying all the way to the East Coast and finding myself in a little seaside town called Bridlington. I came across a fully functional power station with many pylons leading out from it, I stayed well away from them as I often get stuck on the wires when I’m flying in dreams.
5-April-2005: I dreamt I was walking along the main street in Fulford, the village I grew up in, and there was this young boy and his young sister behind me – the girl was saying that she loved me and thought I was fantastic. I just kept walking and pretended not to hear her because I didn’t want to be pursued by a little girl. Her brother said I had better stop and talk to her otherwise she would never give up, there was something about her being involved with Maljonic’s Dreams and hunting me down via MSN.
4-April-2005: I was in a dream with a younger friend called Nathan; we were walking through the streets of York, England, in an alternate universe – I’d been there before but Nathan had not. I asked him if he wanted to go and see the auto-sentries behind York Minster, I’d seen them in dreams before, and Nathan said that he wasn’t sure but came along anyway. The auto-sentries, robot chain-guns, were dotted about all over the place behind the Minster; they were supposed to shoot intruders but I’d devised a gadget to fool them into thinking we were special agents and allowed to pass unharmed. Nevertheless, human security guards had seen us on closed circuit TVs and came to investigate why we weren’t dead already. After that the dream turned into a chase with special agents from different countries hunting us down and me eventually defeating them all.
3-April-2005: I was dreaming about the cousin of my friend Paul, don’t know his name; his father was paying me to teach him how to write in a computer language called Javascript. I was getting totally carried away with my explanations of how the language worked, dismantling hardware in his computer, memory modules and the CPU; microscopically analysing the binary switches and demonstrating how the computer code affects them… I started talking about how computers work out the exact date and time, by counting the number of milliseconds since January 1st 1970 before it occurred to me that I was going too far. I told him to ignore everything I had taught him, in fact I said he should completely forget it otherwise he might destroy his computer. I went about showing him how to search for Javascripts in Google and paste them into his HTML code to see how they work.
2-April-2005: I dreamt that my brother was really upset, more than upset really; he was talking about going to hospital because he was depressed, everything in his life had come to a head and he couldn’t cope. He said he wanted to be the sweet little boy again, wanted to be like he was before he changed – I was disappointed that he was thinking of going away to a hospital because I thought he was much better now than he’d been in years, much closer to being himself than ever. I told him that he can’t leave now right when he was becoming friendly again. I had another dream later with this guy called Bob Addy, someone I know but haven’t seen in years, and he was depressed too; I was trying my best to show him nice and interesting things in life to bring him out of it, he too also wanted to leave. When I woke up I had the feeling that my brother and Bob wanting to leave me was more a sign of my own depressive thoughts leaving me after a long time.
1-April-2005: I had this recurring dream that crops up now and again, I usually forget about the dream until the next time I have it; I have murdered someone, in this dream it was my stepfather, and the whole thing has been covered up for years – it’s usually an accident of some kind. My stepfather had been attacking me and I’d hit him over the head with something heavy, he wouldn’t go down right away so I hit him again and accidentally killed him. My mother had seen the whole thing and said it wasn’t my fault; she lied to the police and helped dispose of any evidence pointing to me, then it was all forgotten about, never mentioned in the family. It was the last bit that bothered me so much, I had the feeling I’d been living with the secret for years, that I’d murdered someone but couldn’t tell anyone about it – it was like a big, dark cloud hanging over me; every time I started to be happy about things, started to forget my past, it would jump back into my mind again – I murdered someone, I’m a murderer; that’s like the worst thing you can possibly do in life and I’ve done it, my life can never be normal, happy and so on. The feeling was so strong that I felt quite upset when I first woke up, until I realized that my stepfather is still alive so I couldn’t have murdered him, it was just that stupid dream again.