30-April-2004: Dreaming about Belgium in the week prior to Nazi invasion in 1939; a few of us English people were being helped out of the country by friendly Belgians, I think we may have been spies or something because the Nazis were specifically hunting for us. We were trying to pass ourselves off as Belgians, hoping the Germans wouldn’t notice our outrageous accents, when a Nazi officer asked us where we were going. We told him we were going down to the river for a picnic; he said that was impossible, this town does not have a river. I said that was ridiculous, we go to the river every day. I was sure I’d seen a river during the night but when we headed for it, the place turned out to be a lake. The Nazis had us surrounded and came pouring out of Belgian police vans, we were caught.
29-April-2004: Dreaming about being a great inventor; I came up with a kind of crystal that could record all your memories and play them back in DVD quality with surround sound; 
even better than that though, you could actually step inside the memory and watch everything as if you were actually there. If you got others in your memories to participate, the crystals could allow you to see multiple perspectives; they also allowed some of the characters in the memory play outside their roles and speak directly to you. I watched from the back of a small classroom as two boys were playing with a toy ambulance and a big white truck, a dumpy looking one said, ‘Jonathan will be here soon to play with us.’ I realized I was looking at Sean Easton and Neil Burgess just before I’d seen them for the first time in my life, when I was five years old. I remembered that I cried when my mother first left me in this classroom, cried quite a lot I think. The door opened and my mother walked in with a really little boy (me) who looked full of wonder then shocked and dismayed as my mother said goodbye and walked away down a corridor. The little boy jumped up at the windows in the door to watch his mother get further away. The teacher grabbed him and slapped him on his bare tummy (I don’t remember that happening in real life) and told him to stop crying then she looked at me and said, ‘I wouldn’t be able to get away with that in your time eh?’ I turned to someone next to me who wasn’t in the memory but handling the crystals and said, ‘I know the first thing I’m going to do when I get out of this.’
28-April-2004: Dreaming about a loom and my three-year-old niece Eva teasing me about being sick, she was jumping on me and saying, ‘I’m not going to be sick on you, honest.’ Then making sicky noises over my shoulder and giggling. I went out into the garden at the back of my childhood house; 
Bob Scrace (my old boss from fifteen years ago at the printers’) was showing me how to operate an old fashioned loom, talking about the weave and the warp or something. The cord he was weaving was quite thick and creamy coloured, I lost interest and took all my clothes off then jumped into a Jacuzzi that just happened to be there.
27-April-2004: There used to be a club opposite my house but it closed down a year ago and was made into apartments; this was a good thing because the club wasn’t very nice and had some rough people going to it. In last night’s dream the club was still there, hundreds of crazy drunken people came piling out at 5 o’clock in the morning, they were shouting, fighting and jumping on parked cars. So many of them jumped on a new Jaguar car that it went completely flat, totally destroyed. I went to phone the police, who are actually just at the other end of the street, but the number nine wasn’t working on the handset. I tried my cell/mobile phone instead but I couldn’t get that to work either. I’m really starting to wonder about these numbers, this is the third night in a row now.
26-April-2004: Dreaming about art and being an artist, in a classroom where everyone was painting the same portrait of the teacher. She was looking at everyone’s painting telling them if they were painting her the right way or not, it was a little bit annoying. One girl screamed with rage when the teacher took her brush away and started altering the portrait saying, ‘My face is more this shade of pinkish white than the way you are painting it! Then added her own choice of colour to the young girl’s painting. The girl pointed out that it was the height of rudeness to add anything to someone else’s painting, even if the painting was of your self. I woke up briefly and noticed for the first time that a picture I have of a street in San Francisco looks like a number four when I’m lying down. Every dream after that had some reference to the number four, it is also the second night in a row my dreams have had something to do with numbers; this has never happened before.
25-April-2004: My hometown of York, England, was being invaded by Daleks from 
the Doctor Who series. They were crossing a very busy road, Tadcaster Road, and were untouched by any of the traffic. They were using a new kind of technology to warp time and move through the gaps between the cars and trucks. They had with them a new kind of alien that they kept in a barrel with a tap on it; when they turned the tap on some green liquid dripped out, each drop turned into a fury ball-like alien that threw hazardous waste at its enemies. I new a secret to destroy them; it had something to do with the numbers thirteen and five.
24-April-2004: A very strange dream set on a train with lots of unusual people. The whole feel of the train was rather Victorian, with brass lamps, dark red carpets inlaid with gold and dark wood panelling everywhere. The passengers where involved in a wedding party and I was somehow trespassing; men kept coming up to me and telling me to stay away from their daughter, one of the daughters would not stay away from me. The train was heading deep into a misty forest when it slowed and stopped, a female voice announced that we had reached our destination; this was the last stop and we all had to get off. We were hundreds of miles away from anywhere habitable and surrounded by trees, I said to myself, ‘You’re having a laugh aren’t you?’ Then every person on the train echoed my voice in an east London accent shouting, ‘Yer avin’ a larf aintch ya?’
23-April-2004: A huge dream with a church at the centre and lots of friends playing a sort of opposing teams paintball type game. We kept playing the same game over again, swapping sides, where we had to capture the church; it was too easy and people were getting bored. Someone decided to have everyone on the same team chasing just me on my own, I hid in the church and two girls found me within minutes. Someone complained that it was all crap and boring, demanding that I use my creative skills to make it more interesting. I came up with a new game where four people played monsters and the rest had to try and survive being hunted down or, if they were brave enough, hunting down the monsters in a small forest. We changed our paintball guns for water pistols and rifles; the monsters had super high-powered water guns, the kind you pump to increase the pressure to fire a long way. The ‘humans’ had only little close range water pistols. I made it harder by saying the monsters had to be hit in the eyes to be injured; plus they all had four lives, in the form of plastic rings, that had to be removed from their belts (only one ring could be taken per hit) while they stood still for three seconds when they’d been hit in the eyes. It was very tricky because you didn’t want to be around when their eyes opened again, just one drop of water on a human was instant death, so you mainly grabbed a ring and ran for it into the trees. One of the aliens was also randomly armed with a huge water bomb that she/he could throw if a group of humans was dumb enough to bunch together in one place. It was great fun.
22-April-2004: Where I grew up the garden was a big grass lawn with lots of trees in the middle, beyond the trees was sort of a wasteland with a huge hole in it that one day turned into a pond. In this dream both halves of the garden were identical, the whole garden was one big lawn with a single tree in the middle. The main focus of the dream was the single tree and sunshine.
21-April-2004: Dreamt I was in Amsterdam in Holland, the Netherlands. I walked down an alleyway where three men tried to rob me but I beat them all up, afterwards one of them kept following me to try and find where I was staying. I wasn’t staying anywhere though, I’d already checked out and was heading home that day. I went into a local shop and bought a little toy Polar Bear, the bear was special because it had six winning numbers on its belly. I was told that I had won a Renault car, which I could pick up from any Renault showroom. I spent quite a long time walking along a busy road on the outskirts of Amsterdam trying to find any car showroom. I found a Renault car sales lot after about half an hour’s wandering; three English girls were at the desk inside, all talking on the phone and ignoring me. One of them got cut off so I shoved the Polar Bear in front of her face and said I’d won a Renault; the girl reached under the counter and handed me a little black toy Renault car. I was very disappointed and started walking out, not looking forward to the 24 hour-boat-ride home, when I saw a sign on the glass door that read: ‘If they try and give you a toy car, it’s just a trick. Go back and throw the toy on the floor and shout, ‘GIVE ME MY RENAULT YOU BITCH!’ and you will receive your prize.’ I did as the sign said and they let me choose whichever 
car I fancied. I had a lovely drive back to England via Belgium and France, stopping off in Paris to try and take some art shots of the Eiffel Tower but gave up when I realized no matter what I tried with the tower, someone else will have already done it before.
20-April-2004: My mother and I were in a kind of alternate dream York that was being overrun by robots, we were being chased passed Clifford’s tower and over the River Foss. I looked back and saw a huge robotic foot crush my mother. I ran back to her flat body and reanimated her with magical powers, we were elves from an older time being wiped out by machines; my mother was the leader of all the elves. Our kind started appearing randomly around us the rescue The Mother, tearing the robots apart with magical white fire. A young elf couple sacrificed their baby to use its life-force and bone marrow to save the crushed Mother… the dream had a narrator after that saying, ‘The elves with now leave this world for one hundred and one thousand years to recuperate; after this time of rest they will reassess the state of humankind.’
19-April-2004: At a lecture in an American university with all the greatest minds in the world, I wondered what the hell I was doing there; everyone seemed uber intelligent but they all seemed to think I was on an equal footing. The lecturer was asking quick-fire questions to test the students, every time one of them answered correctly he looked at me for confirmation, most of the time I hadn’t a clue what they were talking about. I realized I was in yet another time travelling dream when he put an image in the wall and asked, ‘Who was the last person on record to have used a machine-gun?’ A smart looking girl 
stood up and said excitedly, ‘I know, it was Albert Einstein.’ I found this unbelievably funny and couldn’t stop laughing, I fell out of my chair onto the polished wooden floor and cried with laughter. The lecturer joined in the laughter and the rest of the class followed. When the lecture was over I stayed behind to look out of a window at the green university campus. A German girl stayed behind to talk to me, I thought her skin was so ‘zart und glatt’ like I’d never seen before. She asked me if I was going to have some lunch and I said yes (I’m a bit slow in real life too), so she asked me if I would like to go to lunch with her, and off we went.
18-April-2004: I woke up still inside my dream feeling very confused, in a sort of alternate universe where I’d been married to Maja (a friend) for years. She was telling me to get ready quickly because the designer was coming around to have a look any minute. It sounded very important and I didn’t want to let her down , even though I was confused and didn’t know where I was. I thought that maybe I had a hangover and everything would start coming back to me soon, went to the windows at the front of the building to see if I recognized anything and saw Brighton (where we used to live together in reality) miles away along the coast in the distance. Seawater was lapping right up to the windows and I asked Maja if it was normal for it to come so close to the house. She said it was and looked at me oddly but cursed when the water actually started leaking through the window frame onto the kitchen floor. She was frantically mopping up the water, yelling about not showing ourselves up in front of the designer.
17-April-2004: I dreamt I had a red sports car and decided I was going to drive it to Spain (from England), I met an old college friend called Chris and asked him if he wanted to come with me, he said okay and I made him get in straight away after he got his passport. We didn’t need to pack anything because we had thousands of dollars in a briefcase, we could buy anything we needed as we went along. Another guy came along and said he wanted to go with us; he couldn’t fit in the car though because it only had two seats, I said it didn’t matter because he could bring his own car. I used telepathy to program the two cars so they had a kind of sympathy for each other. The second car would always tend to go in the same direction as the sports car so the other guy would never get lost, I made a mental note to the car not to follow the sports car if it went off a cliff or into any other kind of life-threatening danger. We never made it to Spain but found ourselves in Melbourne, Australia, in the middle of a huge electrical storm.
16-April-2004: Another time travelling dream, this time I chased a gang of bank robbers from WWII through a time hole which came out on a French high-speed train heading for Lille, it had something to do with the Hulk that I can’t remember. I also overheard the first half of a conversation of which I heard the second half in another dream a few months ago.
15-April-2004: Dream took place on the sports field behind my old school, my brother Ben was organizing groups of boys by size and shape so they could build a human pyramid. I wanted to go on the top but he said I was too heavy, I told him it didn’t matter because I could manipulate gravity to make myself weigh as little or as much as I like. I made myself really light so it was no bother at all for everyone to have me at the top of the pyramid. In some dreams I can make myself really heavy so that I’m impossible to move. Later my brother was talking to a doctor about fat and its relationship with heart disease, he assured the doctor that he never ate fatty foods and only smoked cigarettes. The doctor said that was fine but I was shocked, I slapped him (my brother) in the face and gave him a talk on smoking and how it does cause heart disease; I told him every time he takes a lung full of cigarette smoke his body releases adipose fat into his bloodstream, the fat build up along the walls of his arteries and clogs up the valves in his heart. The doctor said my ideas sounded a bit far-fetched and I realised I’d been travelling back in time again, they’d only just discovered that there may be a link between smoking and cancer; they had no idea that smoking also causes heart attacks.
14-April-2004: With a strange group of people in a town I’ve only ever seen in my dreams; there was a huge broiling cloud heading for the middle of town, it looked like dirty snow swirling around it. I recognized it immediately from weather I’d seen on another planet, it was acid snow. I got everyone with me into a superstore and told them not to come outside; flesh, metal and plastic would start to melt if it came in contact with the snow. Lots of people were dancing in the dirty flurries of snow when it arrived, some of them heard me but most of them carried on dancing regardless until they noticed the flesh melting off their uncovered hands and faces, and the cars melting along with their tires. Before long we were all taking refuge in the store with melting people outside banging on the windows wanting to get in; the manager closed the metal shutters but they too started melting in places where the snow hit them. All around town buildings were falling down as their metallic elements were melting; a few of us escaped, untouched by the snow, into a very old church. The church was entirely made of wood and stone with a thatched roof, the windows had no glass (which meant no lead) and a crossbow beneath each one. We armed ourselves against the onslaught of melting bodies, but they never came.
13-April-2004: Dreaming I was back with my ex-wife Masayo, she was smoking lots of cigarettes and being nice to my friends. She said she didn’t mind what time I went to bed and I told her that I didn’t care what she thought, then she looked really upset so I said I did care after all. She was all nice and lovely, not at all like the real Masayo.
12-April-2004: Dreamt I was a woman taking care of an autistic girl in a very large house, I was the only member of the house’s staff that was allowed to go anywhere. There was also a feeling that I’d travelled back in time to get there, like being an educated female was a bit of a taboo. I sensed this when a young boy who was reading a newspaper asked me what a French phrase meant, it was something like, voyage avec l’agence de voyage française, I told him meant travel with the French travel agency; it was an advertisement in a London newspaper for trips abroad, everyone in the room looked at me like I was an alien for knowing such things. Later in the dream I’d turned into a man, I was still looking after the autistic girl but we were in modern times. I went to pick her up at a swimming pool where she was having swimming lessons; the woman that was teaching her told me that her (the girl) fingers had been hurting her again. The girls fingers were prone to fall off, so she had tiny screws surgically attaching her fingers to her hands, she often had pain with them. When we got outside I decided to use my special powers to fix her hands and get rid of the screws, as I tuned into her thoughts I also noticed a blockage in her brain that was causing her autism. I removed the blockage and she started singing, ‘All to my self,’ and smiling, her mother was very pleased.
11-April-2004: Dreaming I was in Belgium, I’d met a Japanese girl at a college not far from Waterloo; she’d seen me jump off the roof of a twenty-story building, she thought I was trying to kill myself until I controlled gravity for the last few feet and glided gently to the ground. I promised to teach her how to do the same trick once I had taught her how to jump three hundred feet straight up into the air. We were heading out into the Belgian countryside towards a forest, to practice our high jumps in secret, when I ran into an old friend called Nigel Bennett next to a lake and the dream sort of wandered off onto other things…. I was the owner of an oil rig somewhere out in the Atlantic Ocean, I wanted to know if we could drill diagonally instead of just straight down. An ultrasound of the ocean bed had revealed a large oilfield a few miles away, to mine it we would have to up anchor and move the rig over the field; I was hoping we could drill diagonally towards the new field without moving our position, still being able to mine straight down into the oilfield below us. The gist of the dream resulted in the answer being, no.
10-April-2004: Great thick black insects infested my dreams, we could hear them coming like an earthquake long before they got here, people were fleeing in panic down back alleys and climbing high white walls. The black creatures were under the ground, digging to the surface. I thought I’d be okay because I could fly, but they emitted a kind of terror ray that made it difficult to think. I struggled to get off the ground, to remember how to do it before they surfaced. The black things came out of the ground, enveloping citizens as they screamed, they swirled and twisted like an angry tornado lifting people into the air. I did manage to fly in time but not nearly high enough, I thought they would get me for sure but they seemed to think I was odd because I could fly; they knew humans were not supposed to be able to do that, a few of them made half-hearted attacks on me but they mostly kept their distance.
9-April-2004: A curry wrapping dream, myself and two others I don’t know met an owner of a factory who said he’d pay us one thousands English pounds for every box full of Floppy Poppadoms we could pack. The man had just invented a new snack made out of a kind of pastry pocket filled with vegetable curry, he called them Floppy Poppadoms. Our job was to fill the pockets with curry, seal them up, put them in an airtight plastic container then pack them into a bigger box. We worked like crazy, packing hundreds of boxes full with Floppy Poppadoms. We only stopped working when a girl noticed that our contract said only ten English pounds per box and not one thousand. We thought we were millionaires but we had only made ten thousand pounds, which was okay but we might have worked a bit less feverishly had we known.
8-April-2004: Dreamed I was in Halifax (think it’s in West Yorkshire, never actually been there in real life) in England. I’d driven there by car with a friend called Dave; I parked near a TV studio with big silver letters outside, something like UDF. We got out and walked through a park where we met a group of people that were waiting for us. We were to take part in a high-speed boat race around a lake; only none of us (including the other people) had ever driven any kind of boat before. These boats were the type which shoot off like torpedoes with just a nudge on 
the throttle. The race around the lake was hilarious, one guy couldn’t steer his boat away from some willow trees at the edge and he kept crashing into bank. A woman kept taking corners at nearly full throttle and tipping her boat over, nearly drowning herself and her onboard camera crew. When the race was over, don’t know who won, we all went to talk to a TV presenter. Dave started drinking cider (the kind with alcohol in it) and harassing one of the female contestants, telling her she was crap. He drank two litres (three and a half pints) of the stuff and seemed pretty drunk when he started opening another bottle, something happened so that the bottle slipped and fell to the floor on some gravel next to a brown fence post. The bottle couldn’t break easily because it was made from plastic so it was unharmed, but Dave said he didn’t want it now, I think he thought it would fizz up in his face if he opened it. He kept saying to me with a stupid dull grin, ‘Go on, you ‘ave it if ya like; I don’t mind, you ‘ave it.’ In a sort of drunken happy la la land everyone is as stupid as me knowing voice, thinking I’d open the bottle and spray myself and look like an idiot. After a bit, because I was ignoring him, he started shouting at the other people. I wasn’t listening and told him that I was going home on my own, I didn’t want to drive back eighty miles or so with him acting like that all the way. I tried to run when I got around a corner so he couldn’t follow me, I was sure he was too drunk to remember where the car was if I could only get away, but I could only sort of skip along like they do on the Moon. It didn’t matter though, he wasn’t following me anyway, I don’t think he even noticed that I’d gone. When I got back to the TV studio the car was gone, someone had stolen it. At first I began to panic, like I would in real life being stuck miles away from home with no car, but in the dream world I couldn’t care less when I thought about it. I was just a little worried about some of the confidential information I’d left in the glove compartment.
7-April-2004: A fantastic new computer game was the main thing in my dreams last night; I’d invented the game myself, a local game store was paying/forcing me to stay in the shop playing the game, all day and all night. People kept wanting to see the opening scene where a super-sized lion actually jumps on an elephant and rips it to pieces before tanks start rolling into the middle of the shot and soldiers start firing rockets at it. The computer game store was making me sleep on a single sized bed, which I am not used to, so I wouldn’t get too comfortable and stop playing for too long.
6-April-2004: All the houses on my street are fairly similar and I do walk up the wrong steps and find myself at the wrong front door sometimes. In last night’s dream I went into the wrong front door over and over again, I was starting to panic because I thought I’d never find my way in. I walked across the sunny street to look back at my row of houses and get a better view, so I could spot my windows and line them up with the right front door. I felt a bit like I was really drunk and everything was misty, I thought this was why I was having difficulty finding my own front door. When I did find my way in, the landlord had changed it into a hotel; there were loads of old women dressed for the 1920s eating cakes and drinking tea, I was assured that my living area was untouched and that I’d just have to navigate through the guests every time I came home.
5-April-2004: Another dream attempt to travel back in time and experience life a second time around, yet retaining gained knowledge. This time I went alone and instead of going to school as a child, I went to an adults’ school, I went back to my first day at Art College. It was really cool; I got to see all the friends I still have now before they knew me. I kept freaking them out by telling them things about themselves that a stranger shouldn’t have known; of course, dreams being dreams, it didn’t stay normal for long. I confessed that I’d come back in time from ten years in the future; they didn’t believe me at first, but I constantly supplied new evidence, such as what the lesson was going to be about before anyone knew, and what the tutor was going to say next. I took them to the Low Moor, near where I live, to show them my time ship (No magic spells this time). When we got there, my ship was being carted away on flatbed army trucks, everything started getting a little strange after that.
4-April-2004: Dreaming about New York City subway system, I was with a gang of kids on the outer extremities of the system, outdoors in the sunlight, waiting for a gap in passing trains so we could run across the tracks and get to a field on the other side. The others made it across easily but I was nearly hit by a train. After I caught up with them, we all climbed over a chain-link fence and found ourselves at another similar fence that was the perimeter of a school. A teacher came and shouted at us, saying we couldn’t come into his school. I told him we didn’t want to enter his school, that we just wanted to be over there, I pointed to the other side of the field. We set off across the filed but it was really difficult; there was trash everywhere up to our knees, old mattresses were teaming with tiny mites, fleas and assorted bugs. We made it to a flat, nicely cut grassy field and were just catching our breath when a boy in our gang accidentally disturbed a bees’ nest. The whole swarm came after him and we ran along to try and help, we ran all day but the bees never gave up. It was dark by the time we reached a house and the boy climbed into an unlocked car and shut himself inside, leaving the swarm buzzing above the roof of the car. The car belonged to an old English actor who was taking a bath outside in the yard and laughing; he had grey tufts of hair that stuck out of the side of his head, making him look like a mad professor. He said he knew how to get rid of the bees, but he would only do it in exchange for a large bottle of liquid chocolate.
3-April-2004: About fourteen years ago some friends and I dug a huge deep hole at the very back of my garden, we were hoping to make a kind of underground dungeon to play live Dungeons and Dragons. We never did make the room and the twelve-foot-deep hole filled with water, it is still there today as a kind of nature reserve; the house is now owned by another family who know nothing of the origins of their back garden pond. In last night’s dream my brother was at the back of our old garden, parts of the garden were collapsing inwards around the big hole. I joined in having a poke around with a spade and shovel until a whole fifty square-feet of garden had collapsed into an even bigger hole. We’d discovered and actual room that had being built sometime in history. What we thought was a big hole that we had dug was actually tiny compared to the massive room we’d discovered, we were talking about how ironic it would have been if we’d completed the original room, inside the bigger room from the past. We called a TV programme called ‘Time Team’ to come and investigate our find.
2-April-2004: Dreaming I was at the gym on a new kind of treadmill; I just about figured it out when I noticed a friend called Rachel behind me, I shouted ‘Rachel!’ but she just sort of smiled and otherwise ignored me. Her boyfriend Carl was there too, they were on one of those free day passes where you get to test out all the facilities to encourage you to join. I saw Kat (a girlfriend of Carl’s from a long time ago, quite rare to see them all in the same place) on the other side of the gym, she told me Carl and Rachel were here because they’d read in my dream diary on my website that I’d dreamt that they came to the gym on a day pass then joined, they wanted to go along with my dream and see what happened. I thought how freaky it would be if they read this dream and joined just like they did in that dream, bizarre.
1-April-2004: I was on a bus with a friend from another planet; I was showing him around York in England and advising him on Earthly matters. We’d just appeared on the bus by means unknown with no shoes or socks on; my ex-wife was also on the bus with her boyfriend, she was pretending she hadn’t seen me. The bus was about to stop and my extraterrestrial friend wanted to get off, I said, ‘But look at our footsies, they’re as naked as Hobbits.’ (meaning as naked as Hobbit’s feet, but I didn’t say that) Everyone, including my ex, started laughing and repeating, naked as Hobbits. The bus dropped us off at some docks and I heard a strange sound out to sea, I knew what it was and said, ‘They’ve finally done it, they’ve triggered the device.’ My alien friend knew what I meant but no one else from the bus did. A thick fog began creeping in from the sea, at least that is what it looked like but I knew better saying, ‘In a few hours the whole Earth will be covered in this stuff, we’ll all die within weeks.’ I tried to show the alien how to fly but there was a huge wind making it very difficult. The rest of the dream had us employed gathering sophisticated weapons and machines to defeat an evil foe that’d set off the fog device. We spent so much time experimenting with weapons that we forgot all about the fog, the dream turned into a first person shoot ‘em up computer game instead.