31-October-2004: I dreamt I was working as a cleaner in a row of clothes stores in York, England. It was my turn to clean the storefronts and I decided to do a really good job, making all the windows and signs really shiny. Later I decided to make a cleaning robot and apply for job as main cleaner, my ad said ‘comes with own cleaning robot, so no need to hire extra staff,’ so I got the job straight away. My robot was really small, like a round flat disk a few inches across; it was indestructible, which was useful because people kept standing on it, some of them on purpose, were ex-cleaners trying to destroy the reason they lost their jobs – the robot didn’t care though, just went right on cleaning; it had a little white laser that burnt people’s hands if they tried to pick it up.
30-October-2004: I used to have this friend called Sean Easton that I hung around with when I was a kid, he’s showed up in my dreams a few times lately acting all gay, taking a fancy to me and trying to be romantic. I don’t think he is gay in reality, though I’m not sure because I haven’t seen him as an adult; in my dream last night we were hanging around like we did as kids and went to look at the fire station, it was okay for a while until he said something about how lovely I was in a romantic fashion – it’s not so much that I was freaked out by his homosexuality towards me, more that it sounded weird coming from him, so practiced and unnatural; I said, ‘Stop it!’ Then started talking about a hidden floor on the fire station’s roof.
29-October-2004: I had a dream set somewhere way in the future; something had happened so that my wife (in the future, my fiancé now) and I had split up but were still friends, well not exactly but that’s the closest I can think is what was happening. She was in a bungalow, her house, and I was looking at her through the front window and tapping at the glass, she smiled when she saw me and let me in. I said something about how stupid it all was and that we shouldn’t be arguing at our age, we had grey hair so we must have been fairly old; Marcia agreed and we kissed and made up, then she asked who’s house we were going to live in now we were back together. I said I didn’t mind one bit just so long as we were together, but it would be nice if she came and checked out my dream house that I’d just bought, she was slightly surprised that I’d had the money. Marcia agreed to see it and came with me next door, which is where my house was, there was a solid archway connecting our two houses together that was built by unseen hands, probably magic. We went into my house to have a look around; it was like a huge gothic church or hall on the inside, as we were inspecting the ceiling a French camera crew came in to start shooting a documentary on old English houses, I wanted them to leave but they said they had full permission from the government to stay as long as they liked. A lot of the locals came streaming into the house to stand by Marcia and myself in trying to get rid of the film crew but they still wouldn’t leave; I decided that if they wouldn’t leave our house I’d make them really uncomfortable, I used magic to close the front door so they couldn’t get out if they wanted to and kept making doors all over the house randomly slam in their faces and lock individuals in bathrooms and bedrooms – after years of casting spells for my website’s visitors I’d become really good at it, a regular Gandalf. What’s more Marcia had been analysing people’s dreams for so long she could actually direct her will into the sleeping film crew and give them all kinds of nightmares about staying in the house, they were screaming to get out before the end of the second day; Marcia and I had a wonderful time. Our two houses were on a real street that ran parallel to the street I grew up on at the back of my garden; it is called The Link.
28-October-2004: I had a dream that I was in an old greasy café with my housemate, Ian, and his dad eating a fried breakfast. I’ve never met his dad in my life, he died before I met Ian, but when I told Ian about my dream he showed me a picture of him and he looked pretty much exactly as he did in my sleep.
27-October-2004: I dreamt I was walking around some marketplace in London with two gay men, we went to a street-side hamburger stall and the two men running the stall said they didn’t have a licence to serve his type, pointing at one of the gay men and suggesting that he might have something contagious. The gay man touched all the food on a hotplate saying, ‘I’ll have this, this and this,’ and picking them all up and putting them on a burger bun, the man decided he’d better serve him after all and the gay man started explaining, with the help of a pamphlet, about T-Cell counts and how his immune system was working fine at the moment, but he couldn’t even eat this crap if it dropped below 1000… We went to an indoor market after that looking for gadgets, the two guys were still with me but it was still the same one talking to me, the other was always silent; we were trying to find a little gadget but every time we thought we found something small enough it turned out to be attached to something bigger. We found a crazy-looking large knife with holes and scrollwork cut into the blade; it had writing on that said ‘for the woman of the K type personality’, the guy really liked it and it didn’t come attached to anything bigger, it was supposed to but it had broken off; the Middle-Eastern store owner said he could have it cheaper to have her having to send it back to the factory, so he bought it. We walked around a corner and, for the first time, I recognized which part of London we were in; plus the two guys I was with turned into Niles and Frasier Crane, from the TV show Frasier; I showed Niles how I’d transferred a pool full of performing dolphins to the other side of town, he didn’t believe me but Frasier told him it was true.
26-October-2004: I had a dream I was staying at the house of the Taylor family from the American TV show Home Improvement, I had to share a room with the oldest son and he was unhappy about it; his mom told him to give me a chance and when he got to know me he decided I was okay. We all went out for a walk the next day and I made a comment on how big the sky was and the oldest boy and I made fun of this old man’s new house because it looked exactly like his old one. Tim, the dad, was taking us all hunting which I wasn’t all that happy about; he was explaining gun safety to us when his rifle went off and nearly shot his wife in the head; I said I didn’t want to take part in shooting the dears that were in the trees in front of us and Tim told me to go and search for stuff in the old tin mine instead, he followed me in there and asked me if I was a fairy. The perspective changed somehow and the person he was talking to was actually a fairy, she told him that she was and he asked what kind saying, ‘Are you a tooth fairy?’ She replied that she was not, that she was a dream fairy; he said he was afraid she was going to say that and shot the roof of the tunnel they were in so it collapsed and trapped the fairy in there. The fairy started singing a magical tune that lured here lover to come and rescue her; meanwhile Tim’s wife and family dug the fairy out and carried outside and laid her down on the grass, they were apologizing for Tim’s behaviour when a tall, green elf came along (me) and bent over the fairy to revive her. Everything was okay and Tim explained that he’d had a dream fairy related trauma when he was very young but he remembered now that it wasn’t the fairy’s fault, she had been there to rescue him, his mind had mixed it all up.
25-October-2004: I was in a 1880s style dream set in Tibet, in the foothills of a mountain there was a lava pit that the locals were afraid of; someone, probably me, suggested we build a burrowing device that we could all ride inside to the centre of the Earth, saying that the lava pit was a direct connection through the crust. Later my fellow travellers had constructed a crude vehicle for the journey and sat upon it (it had no roof or sides), making ready to launch themselves down the railroad track they had hastily put down pointing into the pit. I decided not to join them; as I watched from a safe distance they launched their ridiculous craft towards the pit, it melted all across the front and caught fire from the heat of the pit before they were anywhere near the lava, let alone traversing the hidden depths of the planet; the four of them came running back up the slopes of the pit, beating flames from their Victorian clothing, I haven’t laughed so much in a dream for a long time.
24-October-2004: I had a dream that I was back at art college again; Avril, the head of 3D Design, was asking everyone if they would like to sculpt some mushrooms out of any material to be used as props in a play… I’d already made some mushrooms out of platinum, bronze and silver; Avril said they weren’t really appropriate but it didn’t matter because I’d already sold the rights to make them to a Japanese corporation, I was even interrupted while she was telling me how bad they were by a phone call from the corporation, I conducted the whole conversation in Japanese which frustrated Avril a bit. She asked Chiemi, a Japanese friend who was also at the college, if I was really speaking Japanese, she told her that I was speaking Japanese very well and that it sounded like I was going to be rich. They were interested in my platinum mushroom design that had a bowl shape indented into the top of the cup, so that birds could drink water out of it in the garden; thousands of Japanese householders were cementing the mushrooms in their gardens and watching the birds bath and drink. I ended up back at the printers I used to work for as a teenager, they were printing all the paraphernalia for my birdbath mushrooms; Bob, my ex-boss, seemed a little jealous but tried his best to remain professional about the whole thing. I needed to get the mushroom paraphernalia to a meeting in London ASAP so I called the Mothership down to the backyard behind the printing shop where no one could see it; the Mothership spent longer than usual getting down and I had to get angry with it to make it land. When I went to the back door of the printing shop to collect my stuff some futuristic terrorists were aiming a large machine gun on a tripod at the back door, intending to kill everyone inside including me I guessed. When they saw me behind them I chased them off with their own gun; there was a fuel tanker waiting at the front of the printing shop which I shot and blew up with the machine gun… I got all my mushroom stuff onto the Mothership and made it to the London meeting on time.
23-October-2004: I dreamt myself and a group of friends I don’t know in waking life went to rescue another friend I don’t know. He was living in a derelict tall building by himself, it looked like it was ready to be demolished any day; we were throwing stones and a football at the windows to try and attract his attention, one of the stones broke a window and he popped his head out and said, ‘Thanks a lot guys!’ then came outside to see what we wanted. I told him he had to come home with us, that he can’t live in this place any longer; he had sparkling blue eyes that looked lost and resigned, he’d somehow been prevented from ever committing suicide and was spending his life in a state worse than death, wandering the empty rooms of the old apartment block without caring for anything, I told him as much and begged him to come back with us, he hugged me and cried, thankful that someone had come to save him from is self-inflicted limbo… a massive army of people all dressed in black were marching towards us across a sports field, they were Nazis or National Front supporters; I’m not sure why but I knew they would kill us, so we all ran for it. I wasn’t that scared of them because I could fly; I flew up to the roof of a house and hid behind the chimney stack, looking at the trees in the garden of the house I realised I was asleep and wondered what it would be like if I stayed in my dream world most of the time. Three bomber aircraft whistled overhead and fired rockets at the Neo-Nazis; I knew they were bad people but I didn’t think blowing them up was the answer, I stopped the rockets with my mind and disintegrated them all before they could explode, then went to see what had happened. There had been a big fight with the Neo-Nazis and some protesters, dead bodies and limbs were strewn about the street; some bombs that I hadn’t noticed had killed them. Some of the bodies were coming alive as zombies and feeding on the dying, I tried to hover out of their reach but I wasn’t really all that scared of them. One of the zombies was the Irish actor 
Colm Meaney who played Miles O’Brien in Star Trek the Next Generation and Star Trek Deep Space Nine; he was trying to grab my foot and bring me down to the ground, I let it happen but told the zombie he didn’t want to nibble on me because I was the only sane person left for him to talk to, if he was going to spend the rest of time wandering the Earth as a zombie he’d need meaningful conversation to stop him from going nuts; I was mostly playing for time because I couldn’t fly high enough to get away from him, overhead telephone and electricity wires kept getting in my way. He agreed that he would need someone to talk to so nibbled on other people instead; as soon as the way was clear overhead, as we walked together down the street, I flew off and left him.
22-October-2004: I had a dream with an old friend called Richard in it, I haven’t seen him in ages, we went to university together. I’d just parked the Mothership next to the Minster in York, England and thought it would be cool for him to see it. I asked him if he fancied a quick trip to Belgium, he said he didn’t have any money or a passport on him but I told him that didn’t matter, I had a ship that could get us there in minutes for free and he wouldn’t need a passport. He didn’t believe me but went along with the idea anyway, I’d had lots of mad ideas in the past; we got to the Mothership which had disguised itself as a large brown tent with one of it’s pegs missing so that a huge flap of nylon was snapping in the breeze. Richard said, ‘It’s a tent,’ but went on in, he was surprised to see the inside was a three-story Victorian townhouse, he was even more surprised when he looked out of the window and saw that we were hundreds of feet in the air, York Minster dwindling to matchbox-size below. We went to Belgium and left the Mothership behind to ride on train between the Netherlands, Belgium and France.
21-October-2004: I dreamt something about a woman from an Australian soap opera being hanged up by some rafters in a barn by a gangster/thug type person. It was like watching TV, I expected Irene, the woman, to be all right by the end of the show, that they would cut her down and she wouldn’t have died yet; but when the other characters found her they were saying she was dead, the doctor couldn’t find her pulse and her neck looked broken. I was still pretty sure though, with it being a soap, that Irene would still live, that she was only temporarily dead.
20-October-2004: I dreamed that Marcia and I were in a model store looking for remote control cars, I spotted one in a glass display cabinet that was reduced in price, we already had one just like it and Marcia thought we should buy it. The female shopkeeper explained that the car was only good for smooth surfaces and if we ran it on anything rough it would be a real shame, if anyone saw us driving it across mud or even a bumpy carpet they would say, ‘Aw, look at that poor car being mistreated like that!’ She said that everyone would say that unless they are from Liverpool, if they are from Liverpool they would probably laugh; and the only way we’d find somewhere smooth to drive it in Liverpool would be if we went to a bar fight and there was so much trodden-in glass on the floor that it would be nice and flat.
19-October-2004: I was at school again and dreamed that a kid called Jason I used to hang around with came up to me, he was upset because I hadn’t showed up for football practice; I told him I didn’t know what he was talking about, I hate football and would never volunteer to play. Apparently the football coach had volunteered me behind my back; he was also angry that I hadn’t gone through with it. He thought I was a waster until he saw me teaching a kung fu class during my lunch break.
18-October-2004: I dreamed I was in an underground complex somewhere in the Middle East; I had a pass to walk around anywhere I wanted but the two people with me did not, I was leading them around the base and hoping that we weren’t stopped. We went up some ladders through a hole and found ourselves at the exit to the base, which looked like the entrance to a subway station with those little turnstile gates that you walk through. We all had badges that the turnstiles automatically detected to let you through, but there were still guards on the other side checking people at random; my friends would have been arrested if this happened, but we all took a deep breath and got through unmolested by the guards. There was a battle going on outside with American and European troops on one side and an undefined enemy dug in the desert on the other. I absent-mindedly played with the controls on a missile launcher and aimed it at a bunker on top of a hill; the missile went straight up into the air and came down on a vulnerable corner of the bunker, the structure shook then collapsed in a huge cloud of dust and everyone cheered. The bunker was the last remaining stronghold the enemy had, they would have to surrender or fall back and, either way, the war was over. A TV news station reported my heroism and the startlingly good luck I’d had finding the weak spot on the bunker, the same bunker that had thwarted allied victory in three previous wars.
17-October-2004: I had a dream I was going to fly from LA to somewhere else in a Boeing 747 with Doctor Mark Sloan from the TV show, Diagnosis Murder. When we got inside the plane it was huge, with the seats arranged on a gradient like in a movie theater; the screen at the bottom showed us an outside view of the plane as we took off into the air. We only flew about 200 feet from the ground, people’s back yards and swimming pools went hurtling by below on the screen, is should have been frightening but it wasn’t. We landed then got into a cab, which drove for hours and I said to Mark, ‘Isn’t it odd that the plane ride only lasted half and hour, but we’ve been in this stinking cab for 2 and a half?’ Mark looked at the driver self-consciously, feeling apologetic about what I said, so I added, ‘I mean, why doesn’t the plane just take you further so the cab ride doesn’t need to be as far?’ We got out at the entrance of a tunnel and I ventured inside on my own, it was like a sewer-type maze that went a long way underground; when I reached the end I found my friend Steve living there, he’d made decorated rooms like a proper house, one of the rooms had a view over the river in York, England. I wondered why he would want to make his house at the end of a long dark tunnel; still, the front of his house opened straight out over the river where people were leaping into the water in the sunshine.
16-October-2004: I dreamt that I was at a friend’s house, he is paralysed and his sister and I were helping him slide up his bed into a comfortable position; his sister pushed his feet while I eased on his shoulders. We got him all comfortable then turned to each other and chatted a bit, when we looked back he was no longer in the bed, he had suddenly moved to the chair next to his bed which should have been impossible. I asked how he could have done that, his sister began to reply when he got up and started running around the house – I was told that every now and again he got a spurt of energy that allowed him to run around and move as he wished, then it would end and he’d be paralysed again for another day, he could even talk a little bit during these times, something which he couldn’t do normally.
15-October-2004: I dreamt that a group of people I don’t know and myself were trying to convince a radio DJ that we were going to broadcast a live radio show with an elephant in the studio. We had a large truck out in the street that supposedly had the elephant inside but actually just had some friends of mine banging around, pretending to be the elephant. The DJ went to look in the back of the truck but, before he got there, I gave it a couple of bangs with my fist and said, ‘Right lads, take it away; off to the studio!’ and the truck moved away before the DJ could get a look inside. The DJ wanted to follow the truck in his white convertible car, so we all get in and went with him; he was driving a bit madly so I asked him if he could drive more normally, he said he didn’t know what I was talking about. We all got out under a bridge near the river in York, England, and joined a queue for a water fountain, I was really thirsty and the queue hardly moved for ages. When it did get to my turn the water came out in the tiniest of trickles, making it really difficult to drink; I woke up thirsty.
14-October-2004: My friend Dave was in my dream, he came around to my house to see me, it was some time in the future because Marcia was living with me but was at work at the time, Dave was drinking beer and I went out to the shops to get some cider. While I was outside I bumped into another friend, Neil, who reminded me that I was supposed to be at a friend’s wedding around the corner; I looked fairly smart so I made out like I was on my way there and went with him to the wedding, leaving Dave back at my house. I sat through the ceremony and went home to get Dave at the earliest opportunity. I was sitting next to my friend Mark at a table at the wedding reception, on the other side of me there was a Bene Gesserit witch, from Dune (a Frank Herbert story), telling people’s fortunes; she was talking to Neil’s girlfriend, Jenny, saying stuff like, ‘My child, I see great things in your future,’ then when no one was listening the witch said to Jenny, ‘Fuck me I’m thirsty lass, I could murder a pint of beer,’ then resumed her witch-style speech every time someone came near us. I kept looking at my watch to see if it was time for Marcia to be home yet; eventually it was time and she sent me a text message to ask where I was, I told her to wait outside and a ran around the block to get her and we went back to the wedding reception together. The Bene Gesserit witch said she could sense a man who had the power, I said, ‘It’s me!’ in a voice that echoed in a Bene Gesserit style that made everyone in the large hall look around; they thought my voice was a special announcement made over a loudspeaker and started clapping. I kept using my voice the same way to announce things and people kept clapping. An old woman came up to me, the only one who knew what I was doing, and told me that my behaviour was highly inappropriate. She wanted Neil, who was the best man, to sort me out; Neil was torn between his duties as best man and being my friend; we all just laughed at the old woman eventually and carried on partying.
13-October-2004: I dreamt I was a consultant for a woman living next to a freeway just outside Los Angeles, on the edge of the desert but near the city. She wanted me to make her popular, but she had a really twisted view of how such things worked. We saw a minivan full of disabled children go by on the freeway, there was a phone number on the back so the woman called it. She said on the phone, ‘Hi I just saw one of your vans with disabled kiddies go by and want to make myself seem very nice, so could I adopt them for a while to make myself look good?’ The phone went dead immediately. She didn’t have a clue what I was talking about when I tried to explain that her way of thinking is really shallow, she honestly thought she’d be doing a good thing. I went into town with her chauffeur to get away from here, she was driving me nuts; we went to a local garage to pick up some engine parts or something, I waited in the car while the guy went to get the parts. As I waited another car pulled up and a Japanese guy got out, I recognized him from a different dream, I recognized the whole scene, he was going to start shooting people. I slid over to the drivers’ side and started the engine, the chauffeur came running out to see what was happening, I told him to get in but he told me to get out of his car; I had to swear at him and drive off a bit then stop to get him in the car, as we drove away we heard the gunshots and he thanked me for saving his life.
12-October-2004: I had to get up early to take my fiancé to the station to go to America; I had lots of little dreams but kept waking up every half an hour or so and forgetting them, I tried to go back to sleep for a bit after leaving Marcia on the train but I couldn’t really relax knowing she was on a plane and had more little dreams that were lost every time I awoke.
11-October-2004: Dreaming about my stepfather trying to get through a barrier in a supermarket, he didn’t have a shopping trolley/cart which the barrier needed to detect to open, I told him that he could get through it if he walked sideways but he was too stupid to understand, I walked away laughing at him.
10-October-2004: An all action dream where I was mostly watching like a film/movie; it was some kind of war plot involving supernatural enemies with a woman in red leather called Julie (because I was reading a book with someone called Julie in it when I fell asleep, it wasn’t my future sister-in-law Julie) playing the leading role. There was something about being in a hotel in the dark, being hunted along the corridors then escaping. At the end of the movie Julie got away on the back of a Vesper scooter with another woman driving; there was a sense of relief that she got away until the driver turned out to be an enemy in disguise, she snarled and turned to Julie to attack her. Julie reacted quickly, grabbing the keys from the bike and throwing them into long grass at the side of the road then deliberately pushing the rider’s elbow to make them crash. Julie was walking away from the wreck towards the camera when the rider, who we thought was dead, called out, ‘Julie!’ As Julie turned the rider pulled out a little futuristic gun that I recognized as a needle gun, the miniature chrome device shot out a thin sliver of metal in slow motion straight for Julie’s chest. The sliver exploded inside Julie’s body sending shards of metal, flesh and bones careening through the air in lazy arcs in all directions. My friend’s girlfriend, Rachel, said from somewhere behind me, ‘Wow, that whole crash scene and exploding body shot was seamless, so smooth like they did the whole thing in one take.’
9-October-2004: I dreamt that a gang had a nuclear weapon that they were threatening to detonate near a town in Middle America somewhere, they wanted me to get a little book back for them; if I didn’t they would detonate the bomb. Another gang of really stupid people had the book, they’d taken it from me earlier and thought it must be worth a lot of money, it was just a little instruction pamphlet for an engine or something but the other gang were going to blow up the town if I didn’t give it to them. I tried to explain to the stupid gang that a nuclear bomb would be detonated if I didn’t get the book to them in the next twenty minutes; the bomb was on a timer and only they could stop it. The leader of the stupid gang was too stupid to understand what I meant, he thought I just wanted the book and said I’d have to fight them all for it. I didn’t think we had the time but I agreed anyway; they decided they wanted to fight with screwdrivers as weapons, it didn’t make any difference to me, the only thing that mattered was how quickly I could beat them all and get the book back. I defeated them all with only three minutes left till detonation but the main guy was still arguing about giving me the book; we were both pulling at it, trying to wrestle it from each other’s hands when there was a brilliant white flash to the north, followed by a slow-rising, billowing mushroom cloud, they’d decided they didn’t care about the book and detonated the bomb anyway. I ran into a nearby house, the only house actually, where a family were sitting and watching TV with the cloud expanding in the window next to them; I shouted at the woman to get into the basement with her children, told her about the bomb. She said she knew about the bomb but didn’t see any point in upsetting her children, especially the young autistic boy who was easily excited, she said they’d just carry on watching TV and pretend it was just a fierce storm outside. The house was only made of wood so I was expecting us all to be swept away by the blast, but it turned out that the bomb wasn’t nearly as powerful as I’d feared, the blast wave didn’t reach as far as our house out in the countryside.
8-October-2004: I had a dream that I was Ford Prefect from The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy; I was sitting an exam at my old school, the teacher didn’t think I was smart enough to pass, which was silly with me being an alien and knowing more about the universe than she possibly could. I started drawing complex diagrams on the blackboard of planets and people that Earth knew nothing about; the teacher said I was making it all up so I told her that I had a puzzle I could draw on the board, she’d never be able to figure it out, humans are too stupid. She let me draw the diagram then kept guessing what it was supposed to mean; it was all written in an alien script that she thought I was making up as I went along. I told her to tell me English words and I would write them out in the alien language; there’d be no way I could make it up on the spot, there would be discrepancies in my writing. She shouted out words like water, house, river, then her name and I wrote them all out quickly in the alien language. The tutor was smart enough to figure out a pattern and cross-reference it with the English alphabet, but she still couldn’t solve the puzzle. She got frustrated so I filled the rest of the thing in, it was a diagram of the centre of the universe; there were lots of different colours, pinks, reds, and purples that started swirling around the room as I entered the last letter in the puzzle, it was quite magical.
7-October-2004: I think I started off in the dream as a woman, this happens from time to time but I usually morph into my natural state as a man somewhere along the way without noticing; I can’t remember any significance to being a woman in this dream, it was something about driving along in a car and nearly crashing into another car that was being pushed out into the street by a young couple, a boy and a girl. Their car was broken and they intended pushing it all the way home instead of calling someone to come and tow it away. They didn’t get very far before they came to a hill and had to abandon the vehicle then lots of other people became involved and I can’t remember what happened after that.
6-October-2004: I was in a dream where I had to meet my fiancé at Manchester airport in England; I was in Manchester city centre which is miles away from the airport, lost on foot with no car to get there. I had to go through a large store full of China pottery on my way to the airport, for some reason everyone had to go this way to get there; I think I broke a lot of stuff on the way through. I finally made it to the airport and went to the place where I was supposed to meet her, only people were going into the door I thought they were supposed to be coming out of; I was at terminal 1 instead of 3, at the wrong side of the airport. I got lost and had to cross some train tracks to get to terminal 3, another guy was trying to do the same thing as trains came speeding by, we both kept nearly getting run down. I thought I’d never get across 6 lots of train tracks, every time I thought there was a gap another train came hurtling along… I’m not sure how I did it but I got to the right place just in time to see Marcia coming out; I thought she was going to run up and kiss me, but she came and hugged me and whispered, ‘We’ve got to get married as soon as fucking possible,’ sounding a bit annoyed, she never actually talks like that in waking life. She pointed back to a woman in a flowery dress and told me she’d sat next to her and she’d talked a load of crap all the way here, when we are married we’ll be sat next to each other on plane rides so this wont happen after that.
5-October-2004: I dreamt something about being at university in London or somewhere similar; riding a lift/elevator with some fellow students, it didn’t work properly so that we had to jam the doors open when we got to our floor. It was a bit scary but I didn’t mind so much, there was no need to ride it down when I left because I could just jump out of the window and float down to the ground.
4-October-2004: I dreamt that I was with a large group of friends outside Che’s old house at night in Fulford, near where I grew up, and a woman called Eve, who I don’t really know but have met a few times about three years ago, was trying to convince me to sleep with her. I kept telling her that I wasn’t interested, I already have a girlfriend; in fact she’s my fiancé and we are going to be married. She said she didn’t care about that and leaned over and said, ‘I want to fuck your brains out.’ My mother suddenly appeared and said, ‘Look here you horrible little slut, my son’s not interested in you and he never will be.’ Then she phoned my fiancé and told her what was happening; she was supposed to be coming to see me in a week, but this made her decide to come straight away. She managed to get here almost instantly, I don’t know how she did it but I was very happy. We all walked towards the local pub after that; we never actually got there, the rest of the dream was me being happy that Marcia was there with me and introducing her to all my friends that hadn’t met her yet.
3-October-2004: I dreamt I was with a bunch of people I haven’t seen since I was about 10 years old, all grown up of course. One of them, Stuart Edwards, was driving a convertible silver Saab turbo; we all got in and went for a ride. One of the managers from the Mecca Bingo hall near where I live was sitting in the back; I started talking to Paul Watson (one of my childhood friends) about this woman that had just been sacked from her job at Mecca Bingo, explaining to him that being sacked by Mecca Bingo was actually a positive thing to have on your resume, working there was a bad thing. We were driving to a fair out in the countryside and I realized that I hadn’t let anyone drive me that far away from home for a long time, with me not being in control of when I can come back; I was pretty sure I could do it but panicked and made Stuart stop so I could go and buy a car of my own. My friend Carl was at the rundown old garage that we stopped at, telling me that him and Rachel had just bought a Bronte saloon car; I told him that I’d never heard of one of those, he said it was just like a regular Bronte only a bit shorter. I still didn’t have a clue what he was talking about so he described it for me; an old-style car with huge headlights on the front, big square windows, spoked wheels, dark red leather seats, shaped a bit like an old model T ford but with a modern engine. I eventually got the attention of the garage owner and asked him if he happened to have a car I could buy; he took me round the back into an overgrown grassy yard, all the cars he had were buried beneath a tangle of weeds but he assured me they were good starters, I seemed to remember that they always say that. Right at the back there was a collection of vintage cars, like Carl and Rachel’s, so I thought I’d buy one of those.
2-October-2004: I had a dream I was with my friend Dave in a seedy looking pub in York, England; it was sometime during the afternoon which felt really odd for me, but Dave drinks at all hours. A dodgy man with a shaved head, he looked like a drug dealer, came up to me and said, ‘Where’s yours truly?’ I replied that he was standing right in front of me. He said, ‘No you idiot, where’s Dave? I explained that when someone says ‘yours truly’ they are usually talking about themselves; he looked like he was going to punch me so I told him where Dave was, ‘Over there, at the bar.’ The man wanted money from Dave and Dave was trying to wriggle out of giving him any; saying he was a little tight on the cash front at the moment, the man started talking about ‘little accidents’ and guns. I was worried that the man might remember my face and associate me with Dave in the future. Dave relented and gave the man some cash; it wasn’t as much as the man wanted and he made a feigned gangster-type hurt mode to his speech saying, ‘Dave, Dave, Dave; how could you do this to me? I trusted you with my money.’ The guy obviously knew that Dave wouldn’t be able to pay him back, and was enjoying the fact that he couldn’t. Some other friends came in, Che and Carl, and started laughing and talking loudly, Che said, ‘Ooooo, looks like Dave’s in trouble again.’ The drug dealer type decided there was too many people around and told Dave he’d be back; when he got outside he drove off in a cheap little black car, like the sort teenagers buy, with a plastic-looking blonde girl who wore way too much make-up.
1-October-2004: My dream was set in the future; I’d been married to Marcia for quite some time (maybe 10 years?) and we’d just moved to New York. I was sat in an apartment talking to Marcia’s ex-partner about how much I love Marcia and how happy we are; it seemed to be going well but I had a sneaking suspicion that everything I said was being recorded to be edited and used against me later… I started dreaming about how I’d behave if that kind of thing was really happening, thinking I’d woken up, I was going through scenarios in my head; figuring what I’d do if a top secret spy was on the phone recording me, hoping to edit my words for nefarious purposes. I decided I’d have to study how to be a politician, how to never answer a question with a straight yes or no, but rather answer with a stream of vagaries that could be interpreted either way in the future.