31-March-2004: Dave (Smiley on this site’s message board) sent me an amazing Flash animation. He’s just started getting into creating these animations in real life and sends me new ones now and again. I dreamt that he sent me one last night with a cast of thousands, dozens of spaceships criss-crossed the scene of a landing bay covered in people and machinery all going about different tasks. I just thought good Lord, look at the size of that thing!
30-March-2004: Tony Easton (My friend’s brother from childhood) was harassing my brother and I as we worked on a hole outside his house, we were all children. There was a kind of treasure in the hole that was a bit scary, it made noises and communicated with me telepathically. One of the objects we exhumed was a round Viking shield, Tony 
thought it was a wheel; the thing in the hole spoke through me to taunt Tony saying, ‘You can use this to move things around more quickly.’ As if Tony was a prehistoric man who hadn’t seen a wheel before. He got angry and came over to punch me, he was a few years older than me but mentally younger. I heard Ben (my brother) whisper to show him the trick with the eyes, I wasn’t sure if he was whispering to me or the thing in the hole. Tony brought his fist back to punch me then said, ‘Yikes!’ and backed off across the road. My eyes were glowing with electrical sparks, the thing that looked like a Viking shield started hovering horizontally with the shield boss pointing at the floor. It then slid underneath a red car and lifted it off the ground, so the car was hovering across the street towards Tony Easton’s house; my voice said, ‘YOU CAN USE THIS TO MOVE THINGS AROUND MORE QUICKLY,’ in a very biblical voice or God fashion. I think the voice was the Mothership in its infancy.
29-March-2004: I kept having a horrible dream where I thought I’d dug a grave on the moors and thrown a dead client inside. It was like a flashback, something I’d done a few years ago but blocked out of my memory. I’d turned up at a client’s house and he was dead, I thought if I phoned the police that it would take ages and I’d be late for my next client, so I wrapped him up in plastic bags and buried him out on the moors. I kept dreaming that I’d woken up and it wasn’t true, then realising it was as I remembered the details of the body and the grave. It was the closest thing to a nightmare I’ve ever had really, I was certainly glad when I finally did wake up properly and realised that I’d flown to the moors with the body when I was dreaming, so it definitely wasn’t true.
28-March-2004: I was at university at a lecture I wasn’t quite following; I was supposed to go and meet my boss in an office but the lecture was running late, Robert Blake (someone I knew as a child) was asking everyone if they’d like a beer, he even asked the tutor who said that she did not. My boss was angry with me for not showing up on time and walked away in a bad mood. Before I could really think about how to explain, a crazy man came into the college and started shooting at everyone with a huge machinegun. I’d never seen a gun like it before, it was a bit like the chain-guns you get on helicopter gunships only it fired shotgun rounds instead of shells, a machineshotgun. Its effects were devastating, the man sprayed the whole place with shotgun pellets, within seconds the walls were falling apart and sunlight was streaming in through the holes made by shot. I said, ‘Woah! That gun is so cool, where did you get it?’ He stopped firing to show me and explain how it all worked, it was quite a complicated method that fed shotgun rounds in and out of the chamber at machine-gun speeds. As he was lost in his own reverie I offered him a mint; he took it with thanks, put it in his mouth and collapsed to the mess of a floor.
27-March-2004: I was in London in a new flat that I’ve never seen before in a very dodgy part of town; everyone had told me that the neighbours were really nice, they were quite nice but they were also completely crazy. They all kept coming into my new flat without knocking on the door then sitting down and telling me all about themselves. The worst was a young woman who was telling me how nice her new boyfriend was, though she was a bit worried because he had a gun. I wondered how I’d ever get to sleep knowing someone in the next room, someone as crazy as these people, had a gun.
26-March-2004: I was yet again in a far away place feeling anxious, this time it was India. I was with two friends, Neil and Dave; they’d been there before and were showing me around the little town we were in. We went up to a stall where Dave wanted to buy something brown; Neil tried to pick something up to have a closer look but the owner of the stall shouted at him, Neil called him a miserable **** and we all walked off with Neil cursing under his breath. We went into a bar and Dave turned into Mark; it was only 9 o’clock in the morning and I didn’t want to have a drink that early, I started to run away but Mark shouted, ‘Wait, we bought you a Coke!’ He was holding up a glass of Coke so I went back and joined them. Later we were in an underground corridor with market stalls running along it in musky darkness; a man was flying a remote control model helicopter, the price on its box was $88; we thought it was a bargain and were prepared to spend nearly all our holiday money to get one each. It was just then I noticed two girls running towards us that I know from a different dimension; they were being chased by rubbery looking creatures, I pulled out what Neil and Mark thought was a cigarette lighter and went about despatching the rubbery monsters with my particle beam weapon. We all got together for a chat after the monsters were killed, I introduced Mark and Neil to my other world friends.
25-March-2004: My brother was performing a magic trick in the street, he was making a blue ball look like it was hovering between the palms of his hands in front of his face. I said I could do the same trick only much better; I made the ball hover into the air about ten metres over my head. My brother scanned around me with his hand trying to find the invisible nylon that made the ball fly; of course there wasn’t any, I was using my telepathic powers to make the ball levitate. My brother said, ‘ That’s okay, I can still believe in Jesus and magic at the same time,’ then looked at me and said, ‘Stop it, you just put that thought in my head!’
24-March-2004: I went on a school trip to Spain with people I only know now as an adult and had never met when I was a child at school. It took us ages to get there; four hours on a plane then two hours on the little boat, we were actually staying on a boat when we got there. I hated it at first, the initial days were frustrating and I just wished I could go home but I got used to the idea eventually. The boat we were on was actually pretty big inside; it was a lot like living in a house, we all had our own rooms. On the last day (after two weeks) our group was ambushed by a group of wild bores. An Australian called Alf Stuart (you may know him) threw me a big stick and told me to hold them off while the rest of us run away. Like a fool I agreed and everyone got away apart from me with my big stick surrounded by angry pigs with tusks. After a bit of fighting I made it back to the boat where everyone was about to leave, thinking I wouldn’t make it. They waited while I got my stuff out of my room; I was a little tearful to leave my home of the last fourteen days.
23-March-2004: I was lying on a couch with a girl; she was very tired from work and holding my hand tightly. There were other people in the room, a family that was possibly hers. They had two TV sets in the room, both were tuned into the same channel and the family were watching both TVs depending on where they were sitting.
22-March-2004: I was going to London on a train from York, England. The journey takes about two hours and I normally have a drink of beer to pass the time, I decided I wouldn’t bother this time and expected something really weird to happen. Nothing strange did happen and I just arrived in London normally. I was staying in a flat with my bother and stepfather, I’ve only seen my stepfather twice in about a decade in real life. I met a nice girl outside the flat and we started chatting and kissing, getting to know each other in that immediate way that often happens in dreams. I wanted to take her inside but we thought either my brother or his dad’d disturb us. This went on for nearly a week, my stepfather only ever appeared late at night and was always gone early in the morning. I suspected he was out gambling all day.
21-March-2004: It was the end of exam times at school, people were coming up to me and whispering, ‘Cock and Bottle, three o’clock,’ and winking. I knew that they wanted me to meet them in a pub to get drunk but I really didn’t want to go. I was telling people over and over that I wasn’t going to turn up but ended up going there anyway. The next thing I knew we were all drunk and taking it in turns to shout, ‘Mocho!’ or something similar which apparently meant ‘bogies’ (the ones in your nose) in Italian. I do hope Benji doesn’t read this, I’ll never here the end of it.
20-March-2004: I was about 13 years old and my brother Ben (would be 11 if I was 13) was pretending to be a really nice person whenever my mum or stepfather came into the. I was shouting at him because he was really nasty when we were alone but all smiles when other people were there, it always looked as if I was the bad person because I was always shouting and hitting him when someone walked in.
19-March-2004: There were three of us, all boys, who’d made some kind of wish or magic spell so we could relive our childhood from the age of seven but with our adult minds and strength. I don’t really remember the details of the spell/wish; there was only a vague sense of it as the three of us were standing outside the school playground being shouted at because we were late for school. We were told to walk around the edge of the playground while everyone else played, we loved it, and it was fantastic. We saw all the people we used to know, even some we still do know, as they were as children. I said, ‘Oh my God look, it’s Andrew Holmes! I remember he used to look like a massive monster when I first came to this school, now I can see he was just an ordinary looking tall ten year old.’ The other two agreed that he was big compared to us but nothing like the giant from memory. I really thought this was going to be great. The headmaster made a mistake in one of his classes and I called him a buffoon, it was really funny using grown-up’s words and phraseologies but it soon got me into more trouble than it was worth. All the kids thought I was weird and the teachers thought my parents were teaching me words I couldn’t possibly understand. The worst part for all three of us was that all the girls we used to fancy the first time around just looked like little girls this time, in fact it kind of really freaked us out knowing what we knew with our adult minds about girls. The whole thing had been a big mistake and we didn’t want to relive our childhood with adult intelligence any more.
18-March-2004: I came across a group of tree huggers, two men and one woman surrounding a tree and taking it in turns giving it a big hug. The tree was outside the house of Jason who had died last year in reality; I wondered if he spent any time inside the tree after he died and gave the tree a hug myself to see if he was in there. There was nothing in there apart from tree spirit, I knew Jason wouldn’t have wasted any time inside a tree when he had a whole universe to explore. I was sweating in a Jacuzzi later and wiped my head on one of the tiles; a man in there with me said I was disgusting so I washed the tile off with clean water and he said that was better and sniffed, I thought what a jerk. I got out of the Jacuzzi and went to buy some Chinese noodles. I was in an altered reality York, England. The town was split into two main cultures, English and Romanian. It was the town’s anniversary and everyone was supposed to be partying. It was pouring down with rain and the sky was very dark; all the English people were moping around under umbrellas, the Romanians were dancing around and having a great time ignoring the rain. I decided to go home to Nunmill Street (my old student house) as quickly as possible, saving time by flying over the river and down Bishopthorpe Road instead
of going across the bridge. Some of the people were jealous that I could fly while one old woman thought it was cute.
17-March-2004: I was back at the printing shop I used to work at when I was a teenager. I had a scanner like the ones they have on Star Trek laying on the top of a printing press; I reprogrammed it to operating the press so that I 
wouldn’t have to do any work. It worked almost perfectly, even converting raw matter into water to fill up the water tray at the top as it emptied, as it did with the ink. The only thing it couldn’t do properly was get the paper feeder to line up properly, every few minutes I had to adjust the paper at the back or it got chewed up because it wasn’t going in straight.
16-March-2004: I was down by the river near my house where I met a really pretty black girl who said she’d really like to go out with me but she didn’t think I should go out with all the women I work with. I told her that I wasn’t going out with any of the women I work with, and never would, but she thought I was joking. I was at a house I’ve never been to before later and a different girl was flirting with me and telling me not to worry about the girl I met by the river, she was trying to seduce me with cheese and broccoli quiche with strawberries arranged around it. I almost got sucked into her insidious plan but snapped out of it before things got too far. I went out to look for the black girl whose name I didn’t know but whose smile I’d fallen in love with. I was looking around a record store when a woman came in with an autistic girl who kept saying, ‘Excuse me,’ to everyone she bumped into. I smiled at her then noticed the lovely black girl and knew everything was going to be all right.
15-March-2004: After a long plane journey I found myself in an empty ground floor hotel ballroom in Tokyo, my friend Mark came in and my mother was conducting a seminar with Masayo (ex-wife) on something strange on the top floor. Bob Addy (a friend I haven’t seen in a few years) kept coming up to me and asking if I’d like a Vodka Ice and I kept saying not yet, it was still only morning. Nobody had told me about the lack of clothes I was wearing, when I went into the car park at the back of the hotel loads of people were pointing at me because I only had clothes on my top half. Three really beautiful Japanese girls wanted to talk to me, I really hated that I had to do something else; I had to take an old man to a mafia boss’s house where he intended to kill him. I was going to carry the old man and try and fly over the city to the house. Tokyo is massive and I’ve only covered a fraction of it in reality, worried about getting lost I sent out telepathic waves (like sonar) to bounce off all the streets and buildings and create a full map in my head. It took a long time at fist but speeded up as the invisible green wave grew in size and cover increasingly more of the city. After about half an hour my head contained the full map of the city with every alley, brick and minor defect in the whole of Tokyo. Even with all this I didn’t feel completely confident. As I left the ground carrying the man I spotted Tokyo tower fairly near by and decided to use it as a reference point to get back as you can see it from pretty much everywhere in the air.
It was quite difficult flying and carrying the man at first but we made it over an electric fence and into the boss’s house. There were loads of people hiding in the walls ready to ambush us but I somehow thwarted them all, then two huge dogs came running at us but I hit them on the head and they ran away again. The old man had the boss cornered and bleeding, after scaring him a bit he decided he didn’t want to kill him after all. When I took off into the air again and spotted Tokyo tower a controller from Narita somehow communicated directly with my head asking for the unidentified aircraft (me) to identify itself. I said I wasn’t sure what to call it and asked ‘what do you call an aircraft that is much smaller than the smallest plane?’ He replied that maybe I was a hang glider with a rigid frame, I said that maybe I was but without the frame. We ended up stealing a boat from Tokyo harbour and using my powers to make it fly, the last thing I remember was being chased down a watery street then taking off into the air.
14-March-2004: Someone had invented a kind of carpet that floats on water and support any amount of weight. One of these green carpets had been laid across the Atlantic between South East England and New York City; a railway had been constructed on the carpet. My friends and I were escaping some kind of monster on this new train service to New York, we never saw the monster again but we did get out of the train halfway across the ocean to bounce up and down on the carpet.
13-March-2004: I was at home as a child and my stepfather was deliberately irritating me, think I’ve purposely blocked the rest of the dream from memory.
12-March-2004: I was walking along the riverside in York with a friend called Carl, he was telling me that I need to let everything go and get a girlfriend. He was on his way to meet some friends and there was going to be a girl there that had newly blossomed, I wasn’t really sure what he meant by ‘blossomed’, he often says some pretty strange things in real life. We arrived at an outdoor bar, Carl’s friends were sitting at a table below us, we were looking down at them from a high wall. A girl looked around at us and smiled, Carl pointed right at her and said, ‘That’s her.’ She didn’t seem to mind his rudeness and I sort of recognised her from somewhere I couldn’t remember. Before I met Carl by the river I was on my way to show someone that I’d discovered a new element in the universe called ‘lifeforce’, it is a kind of energy that binds souls and bodies together like a spiritual glue and wanders off after death. It isn’t sentient exactly but it can be coerced, through telepathic thought, into living inside inanimate objects and making them come to life. As this girl looked at me I knew that she knew what I had discovered, I could sense that she had also discovered lifeforce as we walked down some steps and joined Carl’s friends around the table. I showed them a container that contained some of the new element and how I could telepathically ask it to enter a chrome ashtray that was on the table. The spiritual substance possessed the ashtray and I balanced it on my finger as it span around very quickly. Whenever the lifeforce possessed an inanimate object it made the object spin around very quickly; furthermore, the substance was very happy (for want of a better word) to do so eternally. I saw visions of the future where lifeforce could be used in power stations and engines to happily create perpetual motion.
11-March-2004: I made friends with a ginger and white cat and she rode inside my jacket as I jumped up into the clouds then landed near an old pottery near where I grew up. The cat jumped out of my jacket and started splashing around in muddy puddles, she came back to ride in my jacket again but I didn’t feel like it because the muddy cat had made me all dirty too. We went back to a flat I’ve never seen before to get cleaned up then came outside again for more leaping into the air. Later I met Keith Skinner (from school) at the top of a lamppost, we went flying off over the Atlantic and did a few kamikaze raids on some German U-boats.
10-March-2004: I was on a motorbike riding around a playing field being chased by Margaret Lunn, someone I haven’t seen in over ten years. Susan Kennedy, the head teacher from ‘Neighbours’, an Australian soap opera, came onto the field and demanded to know what was going on. I was sure I was meant to bow my head and look all apologetic for tearing up the playing field but I really couldn’t be bothered, I said, ‘Mrs Kay,’ with a big grin, ‘I’m fully prepared to bear the full brunt of what the law can throw at me.’ The next dream scene found me in a prison cell at a police station. I had a teleporter with me and kept disappearing out of the cell and going to Jamaica when the guard wasn’t looking. I set a little zone alarm that told me when he was coming back so I could teleport back to the cell when he looked through the little square hole. This worked fine for the first few times, but on the final time I materialised into the cell it was full of people. No one noticed me come in but I couldn’t risk them seeing me disappear again.
9-March-2004: I was really sleepy and almost unable to move when my friend Dave came round to my house and started demanding that I show him how to make animations in ‘Flash’, then he wanted a copy of Star Wars that I had in the garage. He wouldn’t leave me alone and went into my pocket and took a key off my key ring and put it on his, I thought he was joking at first but he went outside and unlocked my garage and started rifling through my computer things and CDs. He came back and told me he’d spent all week trying to get his illegal copy of Star Wars II to work, wasting about twenty blank CDs, I told him he was a fool and that he may as well have bought the DVD and spent less money for a better picture and sound.
8-March-2004: I was back at art college amongst complete chaos, the front of the building was on fire but everyone at the back (the real artists) were either unaware of the fire or didn’t believe it could reach them. There was a sweet and cigarette shop on the top floor at the back that was being run by my current landlord and, as it became more obvious that the fire was going to reach them and the owner wasn’t there, people were stealing cigarettes and chocolate from the shop. They were being shy about it at first, leaning over the counter and taking one packet of this or that, but they soon started gathering great handfuls of merchandise. I stepped in and took everything that was left and put it in a bad to give to my landlord later.
Everyone had evacuated the art college and I did a telepathic sweep of the building to make sure it was empty, there was a baby crying up on the top floor. I changed into a super hero woman and, to save time, kicked a hole in the wall at the back then climbed some workmen’s ladders to the top floor. When I got to the child she was already being rescued by Drew Kirk (a character from a TV soap who’d died ages ago), he gave me the baby and went off to stop an electrical sub-station from exploding. I went to a lift shaft that was empty and swung on the cables then kicked another hole in the wall at the top of the building. I had to change back into my male self to use my powers to float down to the ground gently and rescue the baby.
7-March-2004: I was going to see someone in Copmanthorpe (York, England) but got stuck halfway there in the driveway of another person’s house called Robert, his mother came outside and told me I wasn’t due until next Wednesday. I told her that I knew, I was on my way to see Nathan in Copmanthorpe. My car turned into a bicycle so I rode off up the road, as I pulled into Copmanthorpe it turned into Tadcaster (a few miles out of York) and I wondered how I was ever going to get to Nathan’s house ; then realised he doesn’t live in Copmanthorpe or Tadcaster anyway. All the people in Tadcaster were laughing at me for making such a foolish mistake and finding myself in their little town.
6-March-2004: It was New Year’s or Christmas Eve, I was with a bunch of friends; Che, Chris Sullivan, Anthony Alison, Jenny, Mark and Chiemi. We followed Anthony into some apartment that I’ve never been inside before but always wondered what they would be like. Jenny gave everyone a glass of punch and her and Chiemi were getting drunk pretty fast. Chiemi and Mark are married, Chiemi was annoyed with Mark because he’s been taking a lot of drugs (illegal) lately and staying out all the time; he didn’t look entirely all there at this party. I started talking to Chiemi in Japanese and Mark recognised the phrase, Western Devil, and said, ‘Ha, she’s always calling me that!’ Chiemi said, ‘Yes, and you always say shut up and tell me that I’m drunk.’ Which she was. Mark tottered over to Chiemi and gave her an Ecstasy-enhanced hug the ruffled her hair saying, ‘Oh, Chiemi; your just drunk.’ He was trying to make out that all his drug taking was in Chiemi’s imagination, I walked her home and left Mark at the party.
Briefly woke up thinking I should go and see Mark.
I went around to Mark’s house hoping to find out if Chiemi was alright (the party didn’t figure at all in this dream, it was like I had woken up), I haven’t spoken to Mark in months (this is true in reality) and he ignored me all Christmas and didn’t bother to call me on my birthday either. When I got to his house it turned out that he’d moved to a bigger one next door, another thing he hadn’t bothered to tell me, then when I got inside he told me how the baby had been keeping him up all night! He hadn’t told me that he and Chiemi had a baby, I was supposed to be a best friend and he’d totally left me out. A nurse had been to visit the house and Mark was going to drive her home; he looked really sweaty and nervous like he’d been on a drug binge and was suffering from the effects of coming down, so I offered to drive instead, knowing that he knew that I knew how he felt. He once did the same for me years ago when I was an outrageous alcoholic and every day was a hangover. He told me he didn’t need my help and that I should just go.
5-March-2004: I was a cop posted to a new station in New York from somewhere unknown and secret. My partner was Michael J. Fox as he was when he was younger. He was looking out of a window at a square full of busy people when a police helicopter came along and hovered outside the window, bullets filled the room as we both dived to the floor. A large group of police officers came along to see what the noise was; when they saw what had happened they started discussing if it were possible that the authorities had decided they needed to cut back on the amount of police officers in New York. I set up an EMP field so that the front of the building was protected by a smooth green glow that would deflect any projectiles; one of the senior officers thought I should share my technology with the army. I told him that it wasn’t much use for protecting tanks as I could only make the field in flat surfaces; I knew when I said it that I was lying because I’d used it in another dream months ago to protect an entire city block from a nuclear blast.
4-March-2004: A guy wanted me to teach him my kung fu, so much so that he came at me with a knife while I was at the side of a swimming pool. He wanted to see me in action. His dad came up behind me and pinned my arms, I managed to grab the knife with my feet and hold it to the son’s neck; they were impressed and the dad said, ‘Well, he’s got you there son.’ Later we all went to an all night party in a forest.
3-March-2004: I was walking through a market in Paris, France, with my mother when one of the market traders grabbed me and pulled me to his stall. He was disgusted that the woollen gloves I was wearing did not match the rest of my outfit, he wanted me to buy a pair of grey sheepskin gloves; not to make himself some money but save the reputation of Paris by having me fashion coordinated. The Paris of my dream world is a little different to the one in reality; there is always a red castle next to the river made of tiny bricks, my mother and I were exploring its complicated stairways then went for a walk by the river. The Sienne is also a little different in my dreams; the water is rough with little tidal waves and the island with Notre Dam De Paris is set to one side with a moat around it rather than being in the middle of the Sienne. I was running across the surface of the Sienne in Wellington boots chasing an old woman who could also walk on water, I lost her when she dived beneath the waves and slurped into the water like a fish or mermaid.
2-March-2004: I was having a psychological debate with a group of doctors on the possible intelligence of a computer generated spider from one of the levels on a fitness bike computer program called ‘Space Tripper’ in the gym; I was arguing that the spider is probably dumber than a demented crab.
1-March-2004: I went to look at some new apartments in York (England), they were all super modern with a videophone at the entrance. I was there to look at apartments number 12 and number 20, I went to the door of number twelve and an older guy I used to go to art college with answered the door and said, ‘Noo!’ Meaning that he wasn’t going to let me in to see the place and that he’d already sold it anyway. I sat outside in the corridor eating a chocolate bar wondering how I could make the dream more interesting. A Japanese couple were arguing in an apartment that had walls made of glass, I shouted for them to stop it in Japanese. The apartments were all on the second floor arranged in a sort of doughnut with a hole in the middle where I could see a security guard at reception. Two girls came out of number 12 and came and sat in the corridor with me; one asked if I had ever been here before in a smug manner that suggested she thought it extremely unlikely. The other one told me that the security guard was a Russian. I shouted down the hole in Russian to the guard, ‘I don’t really like these glass wall, they’ll all have to go.’ He shouted back to me that my Russian was excellent but he was Ukrainian, I apologized and asked him when the last time was that he visited Kiev. The two girls admired me with a bit more respect but still wondered what I was doing here, dressed in an un-ironed shirt, jogging gear with trainers and not looking very rich. I thought I’d leave it a bit before I told them that apartments 12 and 20 were the only ones in the whole building that I hadn’t bought yet.