31-March-2008: I had another dream in the Atlantic, this time the ocean was flat and we found a man made island of boats and a shanty town floating right in the middle of the ocean between America and Europe full of mostly Asians selling stuff, food and souvenirs. I got off our big boat, against the advice of my fellow passengers, to meet the people of this unusual floating town and talked to them about life in the middle of the ocean. At some point I rescued a marine biologist who was foolishly clinging to the fluke of a whale and nearly downing under the water because he couldn’t hold his breath for as long as the whale stayed under and the whale didn’t know he was there.
30-March-2008: I had a dream I was on an ocean liner going to America and the waves were huge.
29-March-2008: I had a dream that I was navigating river systems and canals all the way from the UK to Croatia in south eastern Europe.
28-March-2008: I had a dream that I met up with British author Terry Pratchett in a town called Coventry in England. The Coventry in this dream was different in that it was by the sea with lots of rocks and high waves around it, the real version in nowhere near the coast. I was telling Terry that he could talk to me about anything at all after we’d spent the day together at some sort of fans’ convention and he was about to ride away on a black Harley chopper bike.
27-March-2008: I had a dream that I was practicing basic walk and punch in kung fu.
26-March-2008: I had a dream that friend called Fred Peebles, who I haven’t seen in about 20 years in waking life, had a huge Alsatian dog, one of the ones with long fluffy hair, and you could point at it to give commands or cuddles.
25-March-2008: I had a dream that I was showing some people an interesting plant that had vines or tendrils that wrapped themselves around your finger and squeezed it quite hard whenever you stroked its leaves.
24-March-2008: I had a dream that I followed my friend, Mark , into a nightclub for 14-year-olds on Coney Street in York where I live.
23-March-2008: I had a dream that my granddad, who died years ago in waking life, was telling me about some new padded slippers that were made out of glass and designed for girls whose feet were aching after long walks.
22-March-2008: I had a dream that I was riding around in a Humvee (military vehicle) with an enthusiast collector of them. Two fighter jet planes flew overhead really low, too low for safety, and caused people to come out of their houses to complain and even the local news network showed up to report on why the two jets were flying around so low and mush faster than normal. It turned out that there was a war on and nobody had told us about it, some army people showed up and started handing out guns to civilians because things were getting desperate, an invasion was already underway. We drove up to a general to ask what was going on, hoping our Humvee would make him think we were officially connected to the army, but it did not. He wouldn’t tell us anything other than things were desperate and we needed to arm ourselves. As he told us this a nuclear explosion lit up the sky to the west. I got the enthusiast to drive me to my childhood home in the Humvee and I discovered hundreds of people working for me, constructing the underground bunker that appears in lots of my dreams. I thought “wow, this is where it all started” and looked around the empty bunker rooms, still unroofed and being dug out, without all the high tech equipment and shield generators that are normally in place in my post apocalypse dreams.
21-March-2008: I had a dream that I was stood behind an old fashion model and her good looking daughter in a queue who were being told how lovely their perfume smelled by a man in front of them. For some reason I was jealous and wished I was wearing my best cologne so they would say I smelled nice too, then I imaged my friend Neil Kay being there, drunk, and calling the women ‘vapid bimbos’.
20-March-2008: I had a dream that my friend Jenny Sharp had really horrible hands, they were swollen and big like a man’s hands and they were also wrinkly and withered.
19-March-2008: I had a dream that my friend Paul, who is paraplegic and cannot speak in waking life, was casually perched on the edge of a kitchen counter and telling me about a girlfriend that he had to dump when he was a teenager.
18-March-2008: I had a dream that I was in Russia in the future and that I was telepathically responsible for all her weapons. There was a huge blackout around the country and I was asked if I could take over control of all the electricity too in order to keep the lights working etc. I replied, “So you want me to be in control of the weapons and the power?” as if they were crazy to even suggest it. They replied that they were desperate, they must have power, so I agreed. Extensive engineering work was undertaken and all the electrical controls for Russia we rerouted through me, after which I said, “mwuuuhahahaha!”
17-March-2008: I had a dream that my mother kept touching me in intimate places and I kept telling her to stop. She would stop for a while then do it again until I shouted at her, then she stopped again for a while and resumed and I ended up punching her all the time to make her stop.
16-March-2008: I had a dream that I went to a new-looking house, with a group of people, that was full of murder. The whole house creeped everyone out and we kept finding dead bodies and lost souls.
15-March-2008: I had a dream that I was exploring a basement with some spy friend and we found an old lie detector that was still working. I got my friend to give it a go and asked him some stupid questions about his childhood. However, when he wanted me to try I was afraid that he might ask me about a green resistance movement that I wasn’t supposed to know about.
14-March-2008: I had a dream that my first wife from years ago, Maja, was trying to seduce me. I was kind of tempted but at the same time put off because she had a horrible leaky virgina that was oozing some kind of icky goo.
13-March-2008: I had a dream that I was trying to fool around with my friend’s, Mark , estranged wife Chiemi but I couldn’t because Mark kept showing up and interrupting. Then later when Mark was gone I realised that I didn’t actually fancy her at all.
12-March-2008: I had a dream that I was by the River Ouse in York where I live, taking place in a battle with some people up on Ouse Bridge. I thought the battle was quite serious for a while until someone informed me that we had run out of fart bombs, so the battle could not continue.
11-March-2008: I had a dream that I was trying to teleport to San Francisco, but was having some trouble getting it right and ended up in Las Vegas.
10-March-2008: I had a dream about some German girls who were quickly designing and building World War One style aircraft, behind the school I went to as a child, which were been quickly flown off by fighter pilots and shot down just as quickly by me..
9-March-2008: I had a dream that I met a girl who was high on heroin and she said to me “you’re all the wrong way around for this universe.”
8-March-2008: I had a dream that I was in America and that my mother kept telling everyone that Philadelphia was very special. People were telling her that lots of places were special in American history but my mother always replied, “You don’t understand, Philadelphia is more special than you know.”
7-March-2008: I had a dream that I was eating enormous sponge cakes with a woman called Ruth who is in a writing group I’m a member of in waking life.
6-March-2008: I had a dream that I was waiting for a bus and that when it stopped the driver wouldn’t let me one. When I stepped up onto the bus he closed the door and drove away with me still standing on the step, unable to get off.
5-March-2008: I had a dream that I was in a glass restaurant overlooking the river where I live. The place was very familiar to me even though I’d never seen it before and it doesn’t exist outside my dreams. In this dream it was meant to be the spot where, leaping from the balcony, I’d first discovered that I could fly in the world of my dreams.
4-March-2008: I had a dream I was walking down a street called Eastwood Avenue, a road that ran parallel to the back of my childhood home. I was with my mother and friend, Dave Smiley, and we were talking about all the new houses that had been built, noting one in particular that we went to look at. We walked around the house to the back and found ourselves on the city walls, which would be miles away in waking life, and overlooking a very high grassy cliff edge. I showed Dave and my mother how I could jump from incredibly high places then slow myself down in the last few feet to land softly. I was trying to teach them the same technique but they kept just leaping off normally and landing with bone crunching brutality.
3-March-2008: I had a dream that I and a group of militia were being chased through a Spanish town by some men in a Land Rover. I turned, stopped, and threw an Electro Magnetic Pulse grenade at the vehicle and its engine cut out, then someone said “that’s the first time anyone disabled a Land Rover!”
2-March-2008: I had a dream I was on a military airbase watching Hiro, a character from a TV show called Heroes, draw pictures on the ground as I saw after image reflections of a woman in a chrome oblong sphere and showed paintings of flying dogs to the base commander.
1-March-2008: I had a dream about some gypsies who were stealing lemonade.