31-October-2007: I dreamed I was watching a movie with Marcia about a ruthless female spy who was going to kill her own puppy, which she loved, to demonstrate how evil she was.
30-October-2007: I had a dream that I was on some kind of research tour of a really boring town. The town eventually turned into Cambridge, England, when I walked through a cloister and discovered a huge adventure park built like a medieval castle with rope swings, bridges and slides. A friend called Phil Benton was there making suggestive innuendos/jokes towards a girl I used to fancy a long time ago called Su Bellamy.
29-October-2007: I had a dream that I was in the army and my captain forced me to get in the back of a humvee that was all sealed and refrigerated. I was told that I had to do a practice run being locked inside while he drove around for half an hour, the captain told me that “a cool brain can do the math properly”, which is why I was put inside a refrigerator.
28-October-2007: I had a dream that one of my web design clients starting redesigning their own website, rather than wait for me, for Christmas – only they were making it a really dirty green colour that looked truly awful.
27-October-2007: I had a dream that I was part of a huge group of journalists visiting an old artist who used to be a fire-fighting hero. His agent/manager had specifically asked for use not to make any video recordings but my waking life boss from a charity I work for part time had hidden a camera in the interview room for, what she called, “client safety”. The interview was about to start when this girl called Rachel, who used to work at the same place as me in waking life, came striding across the lawn outside, reached through the window and grabbed the hidden camera to throw it away. People were outraged at first, because of the flouted rules regarding video, but the nice old artist decided he could go ahead with the interview after all and he began relating stories of rescuing people from burning buildings during World War II.
26-October-2007: I had a dream that I’d borrowed a bicycle, or motorbike or scooter, from my stepdad (who I haven’t seen this century in waking life). I brought the bike back to my childhood home and parked it on the grass at the back. My stepdad told me I’d parked it in the wrong place, indicating a spot about 6 inches to the left, and I told him to ‘fuck off’ as he was just displaying his general annoyance with me for not being his real son. As I walked passed him to go in the house my brother, my stepdad’s real son, said that he was really irritated with me and I replied that I was really irritated with him in return. A few minutes later I was sitting on this old brown couch we used to have in the livingroom and my brother came in to see me. I thought he was going to try and intimidate me with the threat of violence, like he used to do when I was a kid in waking life, but I realised that I didn’t care one way or the other and told him so – I think this was kind of a reference to the present, that I’m not scared of him like I used to be. A little later in a dream I regretted having any negative thoughts towards my brother and decided to be friends with him again.
25-October-2007: I had a dream that I was a blind female school teacher, taking my class out on a day trip to a costal town called Yarborough, which I’ve never heard of in waking life – though, somewhat curiously, Word does not highlight it is a spelling mistake.
24-October-2007: I had a dream that I took a plane to Iceland. When I got there the country was in a perpetual twilight, the sky an interesting pale red. There was a huge army surplus store right outside the airport so all the idiot tourists, who hadn’t realised that “Ice Land” would be cold, could buy warm clothes. The owners of the surplus store thought every visitor to Iceland was an idiot, including me, but were very pleased about it as they made a tidy profit from them. The dream was set in the near future and there were no children around – some kind of atomic accident had rendered all the people infertile, no new people had been born for over twenty years in Reykjavik and only a few fools, mostly old people, and fearless explorers ever visited the country.
Anyway, back in the army surplus store, the shopkeepers became interested in me when they noticed I wasn’t looking at the woolly clothing like all the others but checking out some curious little devices they’d always assumed no one had any use for. They were nothing too special, pen torches, flares and glow sticks mostly, but I needed them as the final components for a larger device I’d made to rid Iceland of radiation poisoning. I’m not quite sure how it came about, but by the end of the dream I had hundreds of followers waving me off as I set out across the snow to plant my device somewhere on high and transmit some kind of cleansing signals that would cure everyone of their infertility.
23-October-2007: I had a dream that I was walking through some woods with my wife, Marcia. We were taking a shortcut to an autistic boy’s house we were meant to visit. I never saw the woods before and it looked like a nice route to take, better than going by the usual boring road. However, after walking for about five minutes Marcia was no longer with me and I had to backtrack in search of her. When I found Marcia she was being held hostage by a crazy heroin addict in an abandoned house. Some other people came and wanted to attack the drug addict and get Marcia away from here. I, however, called some social worker friends and discovered the woman had walked out of a rehab/mental health clinic earlier that day and I arranged for her to be picked up by her doctors.
23-October-2007: I had a dream that I was back at highschool and that Adam Hart-Davis (A British TV producer famous for science-related programmes) was my physics teacher and he kept asking me for the accounts and book-keeping for the Science Department, and seemed rather angry when I kept replying that I was just a student, that I had no idea what he was talking about.
22-October-2007: I had a dream that I was invited to meet Terry Pratchett, a famous British author, but instead of the large house I know he lives at in waking life, he was living in a very small flat like the sort of place old people live in. When I got there he made me a cup of tea, shared some cake and biscuits and was walking around in a dressing gown and pyjamas.
21-October-2007: I had another time travel dream that involved an old house and a Princess, possibly Princess Diana, but I can’t remember much else.
20-October-2007: I had a dream I was in another universe walking outside a football stadium. Thousands of people were going inside to watch a football game, which is something I have never been interested in – however, in this dream, it occurred to me that I may have been missing something in my life by avoiding large sporting events as I felt the energy of the crowd oozing out from the stadium when they cheered their teams. Still, even in this dream, I did not go inside to watch the game but walked along a desolate street and found a grim looking loch gate with water seeping through and two talking giant squids basking in the slowly rising, yet shallow water at the bottom.
19-October-2007: I had a dream that I was waiting under a table in a café in Paris, France, for some time-altering event to take place. Someone appeared in a flash of white light and started shooting at people randomly, then disappeared again. When I cam out from under the table to make recordings I found that Marcia, my wife in waking life, had been shot dead. In the dream Marcia was vitally important to the existence of the universe and loads of time travelling types were shocked and dismayed that Marcia was dead, frantically trying to come up with some way to undo what had happened and still keep all the time lines intact.
18-October-2007: I had a dream that a firewoman was climbing some ladders up the front of my house and I said something to her as she passed by the window. She came backed down and asked what I said, to which I replied “hello”.
17-October-2007: I had one of my many dreams where I’m staying at a posh hotel and it turns out that I own it, this time it was in Manhattan, New York City. Two British men had flown from England and were told that they didn’t have a booking, even though they had receipts with them, as I was checking in and I intervened and made the desk clerk give me the keys to a high class room on one of the upper floors then I let the two Brits stay in there. I had a long argument with the hotel manager about the room, he didn’t believe I was the owner of the hotel, and eventually fired him.
16-October-2007: I had a dream that I went to a mansion house that I owned in another dream years ago. When I got there it was half destroyed and some property developer had taken over the place, he had knocked down half of the house to build trendy apartments and turned the other half into a large tearoom for old ladies. I went into the tearoom and explained to some of the old ladies that the house was mine, that I’d been away for a long time and now this money-obsessed man was destroying my beautiful stately home. The old ladies got angry and we all went on a rampage through the house, thwarting the developers and removing their boss.
15-October-2007: I had a dream that two old British celebrities, Cilla Black and Anne Robinson, were eating the icing from a big cake.
14-October-2007: I had a dream that I was trying to hurt someone by punching them in the face, but wasn’t having much success until Christopher Rymer (a local undertaker in waking life) showed me sensitive points on the guy’s body where I could properly hurt him.
13-October-2007: I had a dream that I was trying to guess a religious word, something that was part of a church, beginning with the letter “C”, but all I could think of was “Tabernacle”, which obviously does not begin with a “C”.
12-October-2007: I had a dream that I was on a war-torn island shooting down passing fighter jets with a handheld surface-to-air missile launcher.
11-October-2007: I had a dream that Marcia and I were living in a fabulous house, built in a 1960s post-modern style, in a valley in California or somewhere similar. My friends Neil Kay and Jenny Sharpe called us on the phone and said they could see us through our big livingroom window. When I went to look they were waving at us from outside a tent they were camping in halfway up a mountain.
10-October-2007: I had a dream that a friend called Jenny Sharpe told me that another friend called Dave Smiley was dead. Later, after I’d got all upset and walked around thinking about poor Dave, Jenny told me she made the whole thing up and Dave was fine – after which I told her to fuck off.
9-October-2007: I had a dream that Steve Austin, The Six Million Dollar Man, was talking to an Olympic disabled rower about how he wouldn’t be able to get his bionic legs into her little boat.
8-October-2007: I had a dream that a big robot was looking for me on an urban battlefield, amongst some rubble. If it saw me I knew it would kill me so, when it managed to get most of its head inside the little hole I was in, I grabbed its antenna and eye stalks and bent them around so they were facing inward and the robot couldn’t see anything, then I shouted something like “schauen, ein panza!”, which was supposed to mean “look, a tank!” in the dream and made the robot try to look behind itself, thinking it was about to be blown to bits. Because it couldn’t see properly the robot began to panic and ran about randomly all over the place and I felt rather sorry for it.
7-October-2007: I had a dream that I lived at the top of a very tall building and that my stepdad, who I haven’t seen in years, was moving stereo equipment into the attic, where he was intending to live. I was worried that I was once again in danger of living under a tyrant.
6-October-2007: I had a dream that someone was saying to me – “you have to be able to animate ALL the bones in your foot before you can use it.”
5-October-2007: I had a dream that I was talking to my friend, Dave Smiley, about a dragon that he is drawing for me in waking life. I was asking him to put hundreds of tiny hairs on the individual scales of the dragon’s skin, which he said he could do with a lot of work. Then I asked him if he could make it so when you zoomed in for a closer look the hairs on the skin were wafting back and forth in the breeze, at which point he thought I was taking the piss.
4-October-2007: I had a dream I was riding on an old yet modern train from Hull to London, in England, with Marcia. The train was supposed to be modern but it looked old fashioned to me on the inside, like something you would see in Eastern Europe or Russia, and the people in the train were much rougher than I normally see on trains, mostly because of some ill-conceived notion of what people from Hull are like in my dream. As it happened I liked the train better than the one we usually take to London, it had a huge room at the back where everyone sat around in a circle and got to know each other. After this an entertainer, who was also a doctor, came into the middle of the big room to put on some kind of variety show that I never got to see because I woke up.
3-October-2007: I had a dream that I was sort of going out with a girl, though nothing actually happened, at the same time as being married to Marcia, my wife. I thought I could do it, love the both of them at once, but when Marcia had to go to America I couldn’t bear to be without her so I left the other girl to go to America with Marcia.
2-October-2007: I had a dream that I was the Hollywood heyday actor James Stewart, and that I was hiding from the cops in my old childhood house’s attic.
1-October-2007: I had a dream that I switched doctors because I thought the new one was better, but instantly regretted it because the new doctor was right across town and my current, waking life doctor is right next door.